quarterlife

I’ve been mulling some things over these past few days. Each time I sat down at my computer to write a blog entry, I didn’t know where to start, so I simply walked away. I’ve been thinking about my life lately, taking stock on where I am and where I want to go in the future. Also, the things I am currently reading and watching on television are making me think as well. The other night, I was watching a new show called quarterlife on NBC. It started off as an internet show and moved to the network lineup during this time of recovery from the writer’s strike. quarterlife is about these six friends, all in their mid-twenties, post-college, who are trying to figure what they are supposed to be doing with their lives. The main character, Dylan, writes a blog called quarterlife.com and she begins blogging about her friends. I am intrigued by her musings on several subjects, but mainly about her desperate quest for finding the meaning in her life. I can certainly relate to her. Over these last several years, I have struggled with the very same conundrum. After spending these last seven months in Maryland, I have a clearer sense of my call to ministry and some of the areas I want to pursue within the church. Thank goodness, because I spent my first two years of seminary being consumed by the pressures of academic study and living within the bubble of Columbia Seminary. I was literally suffocating in my life and needed to get away so that I could breathe again. I don’t mean to insult any of my classmates or professors at CTS, but the pressure around that place can become rather overwhelming at times, I think they would all agree with that statement. LPC has provided me the space and time I needed to breathe again, to sharpen my skills and gifts for ministry, and open new doors of opportunity. I am grateful. More than words can express.

I really love quarterlife. I love that it is written and shot in a postmodern way, because it is rather appealing to those of us who revel in postmodernity. It portrays people in their twenties in a good light, not as slackers, but as people who are genuinely struggling with issues of life and meaning. I encourage all of you to watch it sometime. I think it will be airing on Sunday nights at 9pm for now on.

So, I am also reading this amazing book: Everything Must Change by Brian McLaren. I’ve been wanting to read it for several months now, and I planning on teaching a five week course on it in April at the church. I love the book for several reasons. One is that it has a healthy mix of politics and religion, which I absolutely love. Another reason is that it does give a new voice in the conversation about the future of the church (not just my denomination, but the church in general). McLaren speaks about a new alternative to approaching global issues by reinterpreting the teachings of Jesus Christ. I think he is really on to something here- things must change! We live in a world consumed by poverty, greed, inequality, hunger, abundance. It frustrates me to no end when I think about how our government spends money- we literally spend more money on intellengance & defense than anything else. While I do want have security, I am more concerned about feeding & educating people as well as preserving our planet. I will make a rather strong statement here, and if you don’t agree with me, that’s ok. I believe war is wrong. All war is crime. How can we continue this cycle of violence? Violence begets more violence. That seems to come up in just about all my sermons- I think it’s because it is a central belief of mine. I don’t know. I recommend reading this book. I think it’s pretty awesome.

I’ve been thinking lately also that I never really had much to say of great substance on this blog. So many of my friends and other blogs I read have a great deal to say about issues of faith, politics, or recommendations for good books. They have interesting, new ideas to share. I always chose to write about my life and what is happening. One thing Dylan on quarterlife said that stuck with me was the question of why do we blog? Believe me, I’ve asked that same question many times. I started this blog back at the beginning of my second year of seminary, after a failed attempt before, and thought it would be a good way to let people know what I was up to. Now, I am not so sure. I do know that I want to share more of my thoughts on faith, politics, and emerging church on my blog. So, I invite the handful of you who actually read this to stay tuned. There is more to come…

Red Beans, White Nosehairs: A Mississippi Love Story in Three & 1/2 Acts

So, I just returned from a two week journey that took me to San Diego, California and Long Beach, Mississippi. My week in California was wonderful- I attended the Association of Presbyterian Church Educators Annual Event. Rodger Nishioka was the keynoter- he was fantastic as always. I spent my week catching up with old friends, lounging in the sun, attending wonderful workshops, and I came home with tons of new ideas and more importantly, about 15 new books! Yay!

Now, onto the main event: LPC's mission trip to Long Beach, Mississippi. Wow, it was so much fun! There were 25 of us from LPC (which included 4 father-child duos) and we were joined by 2 members of Vienna Pres in VA- Randi & Beth. We worked at five different work sites, doing lots of drywall work! My team was indeed the best!! There were seven of us working at Moses & Myrtle's house- this very sweet, older African-American couple. We spent our week sanding, mudding, and priming their house (which was 2,000 square feet with 10 rooms!). After four days of long, hard work, we managed (along with reinforcements throughout the week) to sand and mud all of the rooms and prime three of them.

The best part of the week was when our lovely homeowners provided us with lunch- homemade fried chicken, red beans & rice, and cornbread. It was truly amazing. While Moses & Myrtle have very little of their own, they provided us with wonderful hospitality.

In terms of the title of this post, needless to say, we inhailed a ton of white dust! Our team kept the mood light- lots of laughter and inside jokes, along with words of day. I got to know Erin, Elden, Steve, Barb, Mike, and Dixie on a whole other level. I love each of them & I am grateful for their friendships.

We stayed at Long Beach Presbyterian Church- bunk beds, outdoor showers, not much else. But, we had a good time. Ate tons of food - Darwells, Lil Ray's, Cajun Catfish Hut. It was fun. We're very sore, pretty darn tired, but humbled by the experience. Let's say we felt the Mississippi mojo!

Bibles, Blogs, and Ministry

My friend Adam asked several of us to participate in a guest blogger series on Ministry and the Bible. Mine is now posted on his blog along with the other eight entries. Adam is interning over in Scotland this year and always has interesting things to say! I encourage you to check out his blog!

A Bible, a Bookshelf, and a Hospital Bed

by Erin Kobs

I have this little Bible with a black leather cover. I carried it with me during my rounds when I was a chaplain at a hospital this past summer. There were times when I used it, especially when patients requested to hear some scripture. The floor where I used it the most was the inpatient psychiatric floor. I spent a good amount of time on the 5th floor. There are two times that stand out in my mind. One was with a patient who requested a chaplain read scripture to her as she was going to sleep each night. So, I spent several nights sitting by her bed, reading portions of Proverbs, which she found comforting. Another time was with a patient who was having a difficult time being in the hospital. I remember sitting with him, listening to his struggles, and I offered to read him a passage from Isaiah 54, verses 7-10. He found great comfort in those verses, and then was able to open up to me more about what was really going on for him. It was a truly powerful experience. The nurses commented they noticed a difference in him after that, and they were always truly grateful for chaplains who were able to communicate with patients on a whole other level.

My Bible went with me everywhere those three months. Sometimes, I never opened it in patient’s rooms, because conversation and prayer was all they wanted or needed, but it was always there. I treasure each of the holy moments I spent with people, all of the tears shed, all of it.

Now, my Bible sits on my desk at the church alongside my Book of Order, PC(USA) Hymnal, and my Book of Common Worship. I mostly use it to plan liturgies, write sermons, or look up passages for the coming Sunday. I never take it with me when I go on visitations in hospitals or homes. The pastor I work with does not carry one either. Instead, we have conversations with people and pray with them. Although, my Bible is not with me during these times, I know it informs what I do and what I say. I must admit, I miss it sometimes.

Being Tempted With Christ

I thought I'd post my sermon for tomorrow. I'd love some feedback (provided if anyone actually reads my blog!).

Being Tempted with Christ
Preached at Laurel Presbyterian Church
February 10, 2008
Texts: Genesis 2:15-17 & 3:1-7; Matthew 4:1-11

Matthew 4:1-11 1 Then Jesus was led up by the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted by the adversary. 2 He fasted forty days and forty nights, and afterwards he was famished. 3 The tempter came and said to him, "If you are the Son of God, command these stones to become loaves of bread." 4 But he answered, "It is written, 'One does not live by bread alone, but by every word that comes from the mouth of God.'" 5 Then the adversary took him to the holy city and placed him on the pinnacle of the temple, 6 saying to him, "If you are the Son of God, throw yourself down; for it is written, 'He will command his angels concerning you,' and 'On their hands they will bear you up, so that you will not dash your foot against a stone.'" 7 Jesus said to him, "Again it is written, 'Do not put the Lord your God to the test.'" 8 Again, the adversary took him to a very high mountain and showed him all the kingdoms of the world and their splendor; 9 and he said to him, "All these I will give you, if you will fall down and worship me." 10 Jesus said to him, "Away with you, Satan! for it is written, 'Worship the Lord your God, and serve only him.'" 11 Then the adversary left him, and suddenly angels came and waited on him.


Lent has begun. I don’t know about you, but I feel like it came on really fast. It seems like just a few weeks ago, we were celebrating the birth of the Christ child. Time certain passes fast these days. And, now it is time for our annual observation of Christ’s journey toward the cross. Thus, we embark on the journey; we start with the account of Jesus in the wilderness for forty days and nights, where he was faced with three tests/temptations from the adversary (which is a better translation of the Greek word diabolos rather than the contemporary word “devil”).

Temptation- it is something we are faced with on a daily basis.
One more smack of snooze button , just one more cup of coffee, that donut looks really good, if I speed up, I can pass that car & get there faster, checking my email just one more time instead of working on the thing in front of me. These all seem like simple things, but they are temptations nonetheless. Temptation surrounds us as individuals, as a church, as a society. It often looks like it has a really great & promising outcome for us. However, that might not always be the case.

We are completely bombarded with temptations in our society. It is on the billboards lining the streets & highways, on the continuous commercials on TV, in the shows we watch, in the numerous advertisements before movies begin at the theater, all of the ads on every web page we visit. We find it in political campaign stump speeches, their campaign ads on TV, and in their debate answers. It is embedded in our culture’s obsessive need to have all the biggest, best, and newest things. It is almost like we have become completely immune to its influence over us. We have simply adjusted to it, like it is a normal part of life. I know that I often fall prey to a desire for something or to give into a temptation. I am sure I am not the only one. It is so easy when we are not thinking about it.

Jesus was also faced with temptations, as we read in the passage. For him, the temptations were for economic/domestic security, asserting his close association with the powerful, and to secure the glory of political leadership. While Jesus was in the wilderness, the adversary approached and engaged him in three temptations. With the first one, Jesus is confronted with being asked to turn stones into loaves of bread. This comes after Jesus had fasted for forty days, and anyone in that position would be so hungry! The quick and easy choice would be to give in and have something to eat appear in front of you. Instead, Jesus says to the adversary, a familiar line from the book of Deuteronomy “One does not live by bread alone, but by every word that comes from the mouth of God”. God is the one who gives us our daily bread, as we pray in the Lord’s prayer- “give to us our daily bread”. All that we truly need in this life is given to us by God.

But, we often want to secure our futures all on our own. It is even considered the American way of life. Domestic security has been a hot topic in our country over these last eight years. It is all over the nightly news, in our papers, and is certainly being discussed amongst the various candidates for the presidency. Heightened security measures have become a way of life for us in the airports- with longer lines, stricter measures on what is permitted in our carry on baggage, and it seems that new issues are coming up all the time. We want to be safe, no matter what the cost. Now, no matter where you might stand on the issues of the war, terrorism, and immigration- I want to ask this question: Really, what are we doing? Are we simply trying to build walls around ourselves? How far will we go to secure our futures on our own?

This temptation is also about economic security. If Jesus had turned the stones into bread, there would be a great deal of food for the people in the surrounding areas. We want to be economically secure. However, this can quickly turn into greed and desire. I am sure many of you might be familiar with the show Deal or No Deal, which is a game show where people make strategic choices about cases with different amounts of money inside. Each round of choices is prefaced with a call from the “banker” who makes an offer based on the money levels remaining in the game- the player then must choose to make a deal or not with the banker. It simply astounds me how many people don’t make a deal with the banker- knowing they will walk away with more money than they came with, even though so many of their friends & family are encouraging them to take the deal. There is this great temptation to keep pressing on in order to grasp at the slim chance of actually having the case with one million dollars in it be the one standing at the end. What does this say about us? Why do we keep giving in to temptations to get ahead in life?

Jesus did not simply give into the temptation of turning the stones into bread. Of course he was hungry, but he chose to always use his God-given powers in service to others, not in service of himself. He did not take the easy way of securing his own source of nourishment. This is just one example of the way Jesus lived out his ministry here on earth- in service to others with deep gratitude to God. Something for us to think about along this journey…

The second temptation from the adversary is all about testing Jesus’ connection with the powerful, namely God by showing he will not be harmed when he jumps off the top of the temple. Jesus refuses and says, “Do not put the Lord your God to the test!” It is not about testing whether or not God is with us; it is about trusting in that very fact.

We often find ourselves putting God to the test, especially when we are faced with tough situations. We may not be as bold as to throw ourselves off of a building to prove God loves us, but we often do place conditions on God. If God answers my prayers and requests, then I will know that God is on my side. If God can heal my family member of cancer, then I will know God really does love me & hears my prayers. If I get this job or promotion I am praying for, then things will be ok and I will remain faithful in my prayers and to God.

The thing is, God does not always give us exactly what we want! God does indeed hear our prayers, but putting conditions on our love and our prayers is not living faithfully. God has unconditional love for us, why should we put conditions on our love for God? We are loved- each of us. We should not give up on God so fast when things do not work out for us, nor should we put God to the test in order to gain proof of God’s love for us. Jesus lived a life that was full of Spirit and he surrendered his life unconditionally to God, no matter what the outcome.

The temptation is great, especially when we work in areas where proof is essential and something we strongly desire. However, faith cannot be proved nor can God’s love for us. Faithful living means resisting the sometimes overwhelming temptation to find the proof and just trust that grace and love will always be there, no matter what. It is hard, but so is the journey. I believe Joel Osteen wrote a book entitled, “Your Best Life NOW”, which seems a bit misleading. The title should be, although it probably would not sell as many copies, “Your Life is Hard”. The thing is that life is hard; there is no question about it. But, it is in those hard moments, when it is essential to hold on to God’s Word for us- that the path was already blazed by Christ and love will indeed surround us and nourish us for the journey.

The final temptation finds Jesus on top of the mountain looking over the vast land. The adversary tells Jesus he can have it all, only if he bows down and worships the adversary. Jesus would have all of the land under his control, which could make things easier for him in his ministry. Instead, Jesus rebukes the adversary, maintaining his love for God and saying that we worship God alone. He refuses to give into the glory of achieving political leadership by these means.

In our world, there is a push for gaining & maintaining control. Control over things in our lives, a strong desire for control over what is happening in the world around us. There is this pervasive “having it all” attitude, which places enormous constraints on us. How many things do we have to destroy to have it all? How many people must I trample over in order to succeed?

We even see this issue of control in our current political season. The Republican primaries are “this winner takes all” system, while the Democrats have a system of dividing the delegates among the two candidates. What is the candidate giving up in order to win it all? What is this showing us about ourselves?

There is a commercial on television right now that seems to speak directly to this issue of having it all. I’m sure many of you have seen it; I think it might have been on during the Super Bowl. A wife comes into the room and says to her husband, “You’re right, honey. We need to replace the television”. Cue in the music- “I want it all, I want it all, I want it all, and I want it now!” At the end, they purchase this enormous television and while sitting on the couch in front of it, they look at each other with loving eyes. What is the world trying to sell us?

The real question is what are really God’s expectations of us? Jesus remained completely faithful to God through it all, never wavering in his devotion. He was prepared to risk by sticking his ground regardless of the temptations placed in front of him. God knows that we are going to slip every so often, but we are forgiven when we confess our sins. Grace is abundant. But, we cannot keep on giving into the temptations of this world- we must place our faith in God alone.

It is a tough journey, but we know that Christ has already been there, faced enormous challenges and temptations. We are walking this journey together with him and with one another. If Christ were to give into any of these temptations, then he would be taking the easy route. But, he doesn’t. Instead, trusting in God’s plan, Christ takes the long way around. It is tempting to give into the easy route, the quick fix, the source of instant gratification. Serving the world is the easy route. But in the end, does it really get us anywhere?

God does not give us what we want, which would be the easy route. God gives us what we need, often through acts of faith. The homeless women of Laurel needed help. We, through our act of faith, are giving them a warm, safe place to lay their heads & good food to fill their stomachs. The Zahlis family needed comfort. We, again through our act of faith, opened our hearts and doors to this grieving family & community to hold a beautiful service of remembrance. Matthew & Erin needed help & support for Reese. We, in our acts of faith, opened up our checkbooks, gave generously & continue to offer many prayers to God for them, to help a family be with this little, sick boy. The people of Long Beach, Mississippi need volunteers to help rebuild their community. Twenty-five people answered the call and depart at the end of week to offer themselves in service to those in need. We all need support. We, as a church, continually care for one another through our acts of compassion, our prayers, and genuine love for one another.

These acts of faith are not taking the easy route, but following the path that Christ took in the wilderness. Choosing to follow the call of God, not the temptations of the world. It was be so easy to just hear a need and then go back to focusing on ourselves. But, this is not what we choose to do. We choose to take the road less traveled and offer ourselves up to service in God’s kingdom.

As we continue on our Lenten journey over these next weeks leading to the cross, let us remember God is always with us. Christ walked this journey ahead of us, facing all of the temptations of this world. When we are facing temptations of our own, we can know and trust that Christ has been there. We need to continue to trust that God will bring us through it all. We cannot walk this journey alone. God is with us and we are with each other. We are not alone. Standing up to the world like Christ is not easy and that’s the point. This journey of faith is not an easy one, but when we trust in God’s grace & mercy, it is not an impossible one. Thanks be to God. Amen.

Life of Ministry

I'm tired. I've been working really hard over these last few weeks! Last week, a close friend of my pastor's son died. Dominic was only 10 years old & he died from complications of leukemia. He died within a day & half of diagnosis. Our church opened its doors to the family & grieving community for the funeral. There were over 500 people in our building last Thursday morning for the service. I was particularly touched by the efforts of LPC people to help out with whatever was needed. They really do know what it means to be church. The service was beautiful & meaningful for those who were in attendance- celebrating the life of a great kid, who died way too soon.

Unfortunately, with all of that happening, we seemed to have lost a week! Lent came on too fast this year. The time between Advent and now went way too quickly. Now, we are getting ready for everything that is happening during this season, not to mention the fact I am headed out of town on Monday night for two weeks! I fly to San Diego, CA on Monday to attend APCE for the week. I am so looking forward to warmer weather, palm trees, and time spent with other Presbyterians! On the 16th, I will fly from CA to Gulfport, MS to meet up with 24 others from LPC. We are spending the week in Mississippi working with the ongoing Katrina relief efforts. I really am looking forward to that week! It will be hard work, but well worth the effort.

On top of it all, I am writing a sermon to preach this Sunday morning. It is the first Sunday of Lent and the text is Jesus' 40 days being tempted in the wilderness (Matthew 4:1-11). I guess it is coming along...or it will be when I spend some time working this afternoon. If you are curious or have free time on your hands, you can read my sermons from my year at LPC at our website: www.laurelpresbyterian.org. Look under the Pastor's Message tab at the top of the page, scroll down to Sermon Archives.

Oh, did I mention that LPC is hosting homeless women in our building at night for these two weeks? Yes, there is a program here in Laurel called Winterhaven. Local churches volunteer during the winter months to host either women or men in our buildings- provide dinner, a warm place to sleep, breakfast and a packed lunch for the next day. It is a wonderful mission of this community. We are averaging 3-4 women each night. Another local church is hosting the men and they are having 25-30 men each night. I will be spending the night at the church tonight with another member. I figure it is the least I can do to help out.

Needless to say, there is a lot happening right now. Not to mention all of the normal stuff- writing liturgy, selecting hymns, attending tons of evening meetings, and producing the weekly enewsletter.

I am tired. Ministry is a full time job and not a 9 to 5. It is full of moments of joy and moments of heartbreak. There is a certain level of uncertainity- you never know what will happen next. I love it, even though I am tired. I love it, despite of the occasional 11 hour work days. I love the people. I love sharing God's good news. I feel blessed to have this opportunity.

Now, if I could just get a little nap....

Shed a Little Light

I've recently been listening to a great song "Shed A Little Light" by James Taylor. I think it is rather appropriate for the times we are in, both in the world and in the Presbyterian Church (USA). We are all bound together- all men and women- living on the earth. Yet, all we see are our differences and life in fear of the other. We should be open to all people, especially in the church. I feel the church is the place where all should be welcomed into the community. It distresses me greatly when we shut people out because of race, color, sexual orientation, socio-economic situations, etc. I pray for the day to come when the doors of churches will be wide open and all feel welcome to enter inside.

100 things that bring me delight

1. a really good cup of tea
2. walking through a bookstore
3. funky indie coffeehouses
4. cats curling up on blankets
5. Chinese take out
6. phone calls from dear friends
7. subways
8. God moments
9. walking down the street in big cities
10. reading a book on my couch under blankets
11. random road trips
12. a good glass of wine
13. the feeling after finishing a sermon
14. IKEA
15. filling up a bookshelf
16. james joyce with friends
17. fellini’s pizza with banana peppers
18. text messaging
19. finding new places
20. free wi-fi
21. looking at houses
22. New York City
23. old friends
24. reading the Washington Post
25. wandering around art museums
26. taking photographs
27. eating Indian curry chicken the night before tgiving with the fam
28. baby Micah
29. dark chocolate
30. down pillows & comforters
31. red walls
32. wearing pearls
33. Gilmore Girls marathons
34. hearing my fav songs on the radio
35. dreaming of buying a hybrid car
36. planning my future
37. using crazy fonts
38. laughing with friends
39. Sex & the City nights at Whit’s
40. a good margarita
41. yelling at the tv when republicans are debating
42. discussing politics
43. my big red mug
44. the sound of the ocean
45. finding out a pub serves blue moon on tap
46. spending time with friends
47. traveling on an airplane
48. people watching
49. long sleeve shirts from Gap
50. my favorite pair of blue jeans
51. crocs!
52. dinner invites
53. getting home after a long day
54. joy in learning something new
55. window shopping in fancy stores
56. Vera Bradley
57. watching my West Wings dvds
58. the ways love comes into life
59. daydreaming
60. Real Simple magazine
61. light reflecting on wooden floors
62. kind people
63. smiles on children’s faces
64. getting a good parking space
65. wandering aisles of Target
66. riding on carousels
67. feeling of accomplishment
68. squirrels chasing each other
69. generosity
70. meeting new people
71. enthusiasm about peacemaking
72. being independent
73. challenging people in sermons
74. knowing I don’t need a man to be complete
75. visiting dc
76. having a permanent card to ride the subways
77. listening to good music
78. watching steam rise from a cup
79. staying warm inside on a cold day
80. sunny days
81. bed & breakfasts
82. looking at photographs
83. facebook
84. my internship church
85. sleeping in on Saturday mornings
86. a change of pace
87. studying greek
88. wearing a robe & stole
89. my tiffany silver ring
90. having my hair shampooed at the salon
91. eating delicious food
92. bagel places
93. marc’s crazy animal shirts
94. time away from school
95. watching water shoot out of fountains
96. handwritten letters & cards
97. surfing wikapedia for info
98. post secret
99. modern art
100. tea presses

It's been one of those weeks

I'm sitting in this amazing, little indie coffeehouse near the University of Maryland. I needed a change of pace, a change of scenery. It's been one of those weeks. Amy's been out of town this week on continuing ed, which left me to make decisions & praying no crises would erupt. Thankfully, there was nothing I couldn't handle, but it still left me a little stressed. B's been super busy of late, so we've not been able to see much of each other. Two mornings this week, I took my friend Nikki's four year old son, Jack to preschool. I realized I was indeed old enough to have a four year old post-college. I am certainly not ready to be a preschool/soccer mom. Then, last night, in the middle of my "I need a break-Chinese food- Gilmore Girls marathon", my phone rang. It was my dad & he tells me that he is in the hospital! My dad & I both have a heart condition that causes our heartbeats to be irregular & at times can cause symptoms like a heart attack. He had an episode & has landed himself in the hospital for the weekend. He's had lots of tests & they got him stable. While I know he will be just fine, it is still a little unnerving. It reminds me of what I have to look forward to in my future- the condition worsens with age. I talked with him this morning & he sounds good. I know being in the hospital is not fun, but it is a little reassuring knowing there are people monitoring him throughout the day & night. My mom is staying with him during the day & he's had plenty of visitors.

Man. Life can be nuts sometimes. And, my schedule for this next week is a little on the full side! Tomorrow is the annual meeting & potluck lunch at church, I am going to a church member's art show in the evening, I am out four nights this week (meetings & choir), writing a sermon & liturgy for the bulletin this week, prepping another Sunday school lesson, preschool mom-ing two mornings, plus an appt on Thursday afternoon, not to mention needing to pay a visit or two to some church members. So, today I am enjoying some time away, drinking tea in this little coffeehouse. Which, is literally a house painted in funky colors and filled with eccentric people. A great place to immerse myself & refocus for what is ahead.

2007 in Review

I got this from my friend Marc. It was a great way to think about all that has happened over this last year. Here's to 2008! May it be a fantastic year:)

1. Was this a good year for you? Overall, yes.

2. What did you do this year that you'd never done before? Lived in an apartment by myself. Moved myself to Maryland. Traveled to Mexico, was a chaplain in a hospital.

3. Did you keep your New Years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year? I don’t do resolutions.

4. What was your favorite moment of the year? So many to choose from…

5. What was your least favorite moment of the year? Spending time as a patient in the ER.

6. What would you like to have next year that you lacked this year? Better health!

7. What date from this year will remain etched upon your memory, and why? Two dates. First is July 3rd- the date of my surgery. Second is December 4th- my candidacy date.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Becoming a candidate for ordination!

9. What was your biggest failure? Not becoming a candidate back in February.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? This summer, my gallbladder acted up and I had surgery. Also, some migraine headaches/vertigo in the spring that kept me in the bed.

11. Whose behavior merited celebration? My baby cousin, Micah who learned how to walk!

12. Did you breakup with anyone this year? nope

13. Did you make any new friends this year? Oh, yes! All of my wonderful friends at LPC.

14. Did you travel outside of the U.S. this year? I spent my Jan term in Merida, Yucatan, Mexico.

15. How many different states did you travel to this year? Let’s see…Ohio, Maryland, Virginia, Kentucky, North Carolina, Pennsylvania, New York

16. Did you lose anybody close to you this year? Not this year.

17. Did you miss anybody in the past year? My friends at CTS.

18. What was your favorite movie you saw this year? Shrek the Third

19. What was your favorite song? Dixie Chicks- Taking the Long Way Around

20. What was your favorite album? Josh Groban- Noel

21. Favorite TV show? Brothers & Sisters

22. What was the best book you read? Hands down…Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert.

23. How many concerts did you see this year? David LaMotte

24. What was the funniest moment of this year? Marc’s time travel experiment, so many moments at seminary…

25. What did you want and get? My internship at Laurel Presbyterian Church

26. What's one thing you wish had happened this year? I’m happy with the way things turned out, even when it was hard.

27. Did you do anything you are ashamed of this year? Not that I can think of.

28. How much money did you spend this year? Too much!

29. Where did most of your money go? Food, clothes, stuff for my apartment.

30. What was the best thing you bought? Five seasons of Gilmore Girls. Since I don’t have cable, I need something to watch!

31. What was your most embarrassing moment of the year? not sure…

32. If you could go back in time to any moment of this year, what would it be? Sitting in Whitney’s room- drinking wine, eating chocolate, laughing with friends while watching Sex & the City.3

3. What did you get really, really, really excited about? Thinking about my trip to California for this February!

34. What song will always remind you of this year? Taking Chances

35. Compared to this time last year, are you...
-happier or sadder? Much happier
-thinner or fatter? About the same
-richer or poorer? Well, actually richer in the grand scheme of things.

36. What do you wish you'd done more of? Spent time with friends before moving.

37. What do you wish you'd done less of? Stressing about Theology!

38. How will you be spending Christmas? My family traveled here to Maryland to spend Christmas at my place. We had an amazing dinner at my friend Nikki’s home- a huge Italian feast. New York City for the day.

39. Did you fall in love this year? Mmm….

40. How many one-night stands? None!

41. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I turned 27 this year. I celebrated my birthday with Brandon having dinner in Alexandria, Virginia.

42. What one thing that would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? Having my CTS friends here with me in Maryland.

43. How would you describe your personal fashion concept this year?.I’m a very classic dresser. I love my pearls! They go with EVERYTHING. Also, lots of professional clothes for work, but still living in my jeans & crocs.
44. What kept you sane? Red wine, Sex & the City nights at Whitney’s, Amy, Brandon, my Wendy’s crowd.

45. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Barack Obama

46. Who was the best new person you met? Kathy Boyer

47. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned this year: I am called to ministry. No doubts about that anymore.

48. What are your plans for the next year? Spend five more months as LPC’s intern, travel to California, go to Mississippi with LPC to help with Katrina rebuilding, Montreat for the summer, pass the last two ordination exams, go back to CTS for my final year. Remain happy.

49. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:

"But what do you say to taking chances,

what do you say to jumping off the edge?

Never knowing if there's solid ground below

Or hand to hold, or hell to pay.

What do you say?
What do you say?"

Advent reflections

It is one week before Christmas! Time sure has flown by. This Advent season has been interesting. I directed my first Christmas pageant entitled "Shrek Seeks a Savior", with over 35 kids involved. I sang with the choir, who presented Vivaldi's Gloria. I will have given two children's sermons (counting this coming Sunday). I ate lots of food at a holiday brunch given by church members. And, I joined the older women's circle for their annual Christmas luncheon (again, with really good food). It's been really busy around here. Not to mention that I spent several hours at a Washington, DC hospital with a church member who had surgery & the numberous meetings this month. Oh, and I traveled to Tennessee to officially become a candidate for minister of Word & Sacrament. It went very well & I am so happy to have gotten through another hoop along this journey towards ordination!

Through it all, it's been a good Advent season. I am looking forward to my parents' arrival on Sunday evening. They are blessing me with their presence for Christmas & through the week. I am excited to show them my town, my church, & to travel around the area. I am so grateful for their willingness to come here for Christmas!

Even though I am focused on Christmas, I do look ahead to the sermon I must write for December 30th. I will be preaching at First Presbyterian in Greeneville, TN (my home church). If anyone has ideas about how to preach on the slaughter of the innocents, let me know!

May this Christmas bring you much joy & happiness!

A Very Happy Birthday

Today I turned 27. This is my first birthday being away from my friends, which is hard. But, so many of them have sent messages to wish me a happy birthday. Each message made me smile, knowing they all love me, even though I am far away. I had a wonderful surprise from B this morning. He was coming home from NC and I knew we weren't going to see each other today due to meetings! I went to work & soon after I got a text message to go out to my car. He left a card, a bag of dark chocolate kisses, and this very adorable stuffed puppy on my car. What a sweet guy! I am a lucky girl. So, to celebrate today, I put up my new Christmas tree and decorated my mantel. It was such a great way to move into the holiday season. Now, I can enjoy my tree for over a month. It makes my living room feel very homey and comfortable. Now I am off to cook myself a delicious birthday dinner & enjoy some West Wing:)

Update on my life

So much has happened over the last few weeks! I've been traveling quite a bit- to Washington DC several times, Philadelphia, Richmond, Delaware, Eastern Shore of Maryland, New York City. I also went home to meet with my CPM and it went very well. After a painless 45 minute conversation, several pointed questions, and a 5 minute deliberation, the committee unanimously approved me to become candidate! This was a very important meeting and probably one of the harder hoops to jump through in my Presbytery. Now, I will return to Tennessee during the first week of December to go in front of the entire Presbytery. I do not anticipate any problems

One of the most exciting developments of late is that I am dating someone fantastic! We've been friends for over two years, both from CTS, and happen to be living here in Maryland. He's a great person who always makes me smile and laugh. I've never been happier! It's amazing, because I never thought it would happen for me. I thought I would always be single. Yeah...

Church is great. I still really love my job and feel so comfortable here at LPC. I must admit it is a great feeling knowing that I wake up and go to a real job, instead of class. We are moving through our Stewardship campaign and I can't wait until it is over! It's been a lot of work and stress for lots of us. But, I think the church will be better off for it.

I leave on Wednesday for Ohio to spend Thanksgiving with my family. I can't wait to see Micah, who is now 1 and he is walking!

Thanks be to God for life and family!

Life...

I am happy to say things are much better inside of my head now. I've come to realize there is nothing wrong with seeing a pastoral counselor on a regular basis. In fact, I think all those who are in ministry need to do this! We are the ones who people turn to in moments of crisis and pain, the ones who people ask many, many questions of, and the ones who have to handle the day to day business of the church. We need someone to keep us on track and a space to unload our own stuff.

Life continues to be very busy. This is what my week looks like:

• The church is in the middle of a stewardship campaign- taking a new approach. So, I am knee deep into preparing the narrative budget and other communications. This means lots of email conversations and meetings.
• I am preaching this Sunday- Luke 18.1-8- and I've got some notes, but it is a long way off from being a coherant sermon. I'll be hold up in Starbucks, drinking lots of yummy apple cider, trying to get it out of my head and onto paper.
• Also, I am teaching an adult Sunday school class these next two weeks on Biblical Interpretation. Something I have a great deal of experience in doing, but it is still hard to figure out what I am going to say to a group of adults.
• I am responsible for sending out the church's enews each week. This involves time to gather all the info and put it in a newsletter form, with pictures and all.
• On November 5, I am meeting my CPM to revisit my candidacy. This is a rather important meeting, since it basically involves my life, not just my career. Trying to finish up the paperwork in the next few days to send off to the committee chair.

Needless to say, I could use all the prayers I can get!

Sheep, coins, and sacred space

The sermon went well yesterday. I'm really glad it is over! Honestly, I was feeling a little uneasy about it, mostly because it was my first sermon at the church. It was on the parables of the lost sheep & the lost coin from Luke 15, which can be somewhat tricky to preach on, especially if you've only been here for three weeks. But, it happened. I didn't fall over and nothing crazy happened during the service!

I've been thinking about something over the last week or so. Pastoral presence. I've been told in the past that I have great presence in the pulpit and when I am leading worship. However, I heard a comment last week that I have all the right words, but I was a little timid during the service last Sunday. Although there might be some merit there, I was exceptionally tired from my whirlwind trip to my annual consultation and had only returned the night before. I admit I was struggling a bit to keep my focus. However, I do not think last Sunday was an accurate representation of me.

The pulpit is sacred space for me. No matter how nervous I might feel beforehand, whenever I step into the pulpit, I instantly feel calm and comfortable. It is something that is difficult to explain to others. I just feel sure of my call then, in ways that are very different than other areas of my life.

I felt strong and sure, calm and comfortable yesterday. It reminds me of the awesome responsiblities that come with being a pastor.

A Pastor's Life

I am learning a lot about what it looks like to be a pastor. There are a lot of meetings, phone calls to make (by the way, I really hate the phone!), visits to schedule, bulletins to prepare and proof, sermons to write (currently attempting that), budgets to read and interpret, liturgy to prepare, and then when the network goes down and you cannot retrieve the bulletin for this week, then the stress piles on! (This really did happen this morning and I am happy to note that it is now working, after an hour of running around trying to fix it.)

I am trying to make the adjustment from full time student to full time intern. It's harder than I expected. While I love this church, my job, and what I am doing, there is still a part of me that longs to be in the classroom. I don't know why. I was perfectly happy when I finished my last final in May, knowing that I would be out of the classroom for 15 months. But, I've been in school all my life, since I was 2, and it was a real sense of comfort for me. I knew what to expect- homework, reading, exams, syllibi, spending time at the library, counting down the days until the end of the semester. However, now my days are filled with church business, which is never predictable. I know that it is going to take some time for me to adjust to this new life.

I miss my friends. A lot. Being here, I have to things all by myself. There's no one to grab coffee or a drink with, go to Target with, or have dinner with. And, while it has been nice to do the things I want to, I miss the company of other people. Despite the fact that I am not a big fan of the food, I do miss community meals in the refectory.

However, I still hold onto the thought that the call of God will never take you where the grace of God cannot sustain you. It is true. I will make it through this year. God is with me. Thanks be to God.

Meetings galore

This is liturally the week of meetings! I have three today at church, including a session meeting tonight that promises to be lengthy. Yay. To top it all off, I fly to Tennessee Friday to attend my annual consultation meeting on Saturday morning, only to turn around and fly back that night. I must admit I am nervous about seeing my committee again. I've not seen them since February, when they tabled my candidacy process until this month. I don't know what is going to happen this weekend. I do know they cannot really do anything with my candidacy stuff until a real meeting of the CPM, which is on November 5th. It is kind of a wait and see thing. I am trying to prepare myself well for this meeting- I need to be on my game this time. I think I wrote good things in my paperwork for it, so we can only pray at this point. But, I guess it is time to revisit the dreaded paperwork for candidacy, since I will need to re-file it for that Nov meeting. Ugh. It's only 6 questions. Why is it so daunting? I'll let you know what happens...

Update (9.11): I met with the CPM on Saturday. It went well, with a lot of affirmation from several members of the committee, which was a good thing. I am now working on revising my written questions for my Form 5 and submitting them for the November CPM meeting. Pray for me. It is going to be a long two months!

New life

My living room

My kitchen

This is the view from my bedroom

I've moved. Yesterday. Today was my first day of work at the church. This is after I finished my CPE experience three weeks ago, drove to TN, then drove to Atlanta, took an ord, then packed my stuff and spent 7.5 hours in the car getting here to Maryland (including 21 miles on the Capitol Beltway in DC). Now, my new life has begun.

I love my job! My office is big, has a good internet connection, and a really big desk. The pastor and I had a good conversation this morning about calendar stuff, Sunday's service (which I am the liturgist), and the plan for this week. Then, we went on two visitations. One to a member who just had surgery and is at home. The other was at a hospital in Baltimore- a couple who just had their first baby last night. It was a great experience to watch the pastor make visitations. She is really great. I realized that we are so very similar and I feel so comfortable around her. I think this is going to be great.

My apartment is great. I've unpacked most of my stuff. It gets great sunlight in the living room and I have a beautiful view of the lake from the bedroom and bathroom. I still need to hook up the DVD player and put pictures on the walls. I don't have cable, but I might get it. Not sure yet. I can pick up a wireless connection in the living room, so let's hope it continues!

I went to the grocery store near the apartment last night. It cost $4 for orange juice! I just got a small bottle of juice and something small for breakfast, and decided to find another store. I found one today down the street from the church and I got lots of food for under $40. It costs a LOT to live in the I-95 corridor, so I need to get used to things costing more.

I think I'm going to love it here! I can't believe it took less than 20 min to get to Baltimore. And, I can get the Washington Post and the NY Times all over the place. I live near a bagel place, lots of good restaurants, and close to the Starbucks. Life is good.

Inbetween Times

I'm back in Atlanta for a few days. Packing, spending time with my friends, getting my seminary stuff in order, and taking the polity ord on Saturday. I'm heading up to Maryland next Tuesday, which is great! I can't wait, but at the same time, I'm going to miss so much about living here in Atlanta. But, I know this is what needs to happen at this point in my life. I've changed so much over the last three months and I know I will learn even more about myself over the next nine months. So, I'm looking forward to what is going to happen next.

Power of Presence

I just spent last night on-call here at the hospital. I sat with a woman whose husband is dying. She was having a hard time accepting it, even though her family was telling her the truth along with the doctors & nurses. I held her hand and her husband's hand, told her God will hold him in God's arms. I was kneeling on the floor next to the chair- just holding their hands. What a powerful moment of presence ministry. So intimate. So holy. What an honor it is to be allowed to enter into these kinds of moments with complete strangers.

I am weary. All of the interns are weary. But, it is moments like this one that remind me of God's presence and why I love coming to work in the morning. Thanks be to the God who comforts us in our sufferings and allows us to comfort those who suffer.

Life now

The summer is beginning to wind down. There is only three more weeks of CPE. It feels like it went by so fast. I've really loved being in the hospital setting, even though I was really uncomfortable when I started applying for programs. But, over the last 7 weeks, I've grown accustomed to working here and I've loved the three units I work on. There are always new challenges and new patients. Mostly, I've enjoyed the time on the inpatient psych unit when I get a chance to be up there. I have the opportunity to lead the Faith and Life group session this afternoon with the patients. I have such a strong interest in mental health and believe the chaplains can make a real difference for the patients. I could easily see myself working as a chaplain in a mental health hospital at some point in my career. Of course, that would mean more school, which is not in my immediate plans. So, we'll let that sit on the back burner for a while and see what happens.

I am looking forward to heading back to Atlanta for a week or so in late August. Of course, that means ordination exams (polity & worship and sacraments) and that is never fun. It's been hard to study this summer with all of the CPE stuff, but I think I'll be ok. Then, it's off to Maryland to begin the new adventure in pastoral ministry. Hopefully, this summer will help me with visitations in the hospitals there.

I just feel so different now. I've changed quite a bit this summer. I really like this Erin- I knew I could always be like this - rational, logical, calm, less emotional. I was thinking the other day in the care that I finally feel like I am 26 years old and an adult. It's a good thing.