Monday, August 24, 2009

Season of Restlessness

I think I've moved into a new season - a season of restlessness. The whole searching for a call thing is quite the emotional roller coaster. It's hard to keep sending out PIF after PIF, not knowing what is going to happen next or if they will even consider you further. While some days have been rough over the last couple months, I still hold onto hope that there is indeed a church out there for me. I just don't know where it is!

I'm restless, in more ways than one. I'm tossing & turning most nights, unable to get comfortable. I think God might be telling me something, just not sure what it is quite yet. I'm itching to get in my car & drive - to get away from it all for a few days. I've considered going to the beach, to stare at the ocean & clear my head. But, this costs money, which is not in huge supply right now, since I am currently without employment. However, I am heading to Atlanta this weekend to celebrate with my dear friends Kari & Steve, who are getting married on Saturday. They are amazing & I am grateful they want me to be there to witness the beginning of the new chapter of their lives. This will be a great opportunity to get away, see friends, enjoy good ATL food, and maybe even clear my head.

Maybe God wants me to be in a season of restlessness. Maybe something good will come from this. Maybe it won't last too long. I hope so.

Friday, August 07, 2009


"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven: a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain, a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away, a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak, a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace." - Ecclessiates 3.1-8

Over this past week, I've been reminded of the seasons of life. This passage from Ecclessiates brings me great comfort during times of transition and times of sadness.

I said goodbye to a friend this past week. She was diagnosed with a malignant brain tumor in February 2008 and underwent chemo. After finishing chemo in winter 2009, her tumor returned. She died last Thursday, leaving behind her two young daughters & grieving family members and friends. She was only 27. We were friends in high school, went to church together, active in the youth group, spent summers in Montreat & on mission trips together. She was a truly beautiful person with a vibrant spirit for life. It makes me sad that cancer took this amazing person away. She & I lost touch when I went off to college. I only saw her a few times.

Her death reminds me of how much I miss my friends - old & new, far & near. I've moved around a lot in the past 10 years with school & internships. I'm afraid I've lost touch with so many people who meant a lot to me. It makes me sad to think about all of the time that has gone by. I think I am especially reminded of these past friendships as I am still waiting to see what will happen next in my own life & am living back home with my family. My friends are all living in other places, which makes communication hard. I hope to try harder to maintain my friendships.

I feel like I am in a season of sadness. After a long period of waiting, I found out that I did not get the job at the church I interviewed with last month. I knew this was a possibility & tried to prepare myself. I don't think you can ever be fully prepared. I'm a little heartbroken, but trying to remain hopeful. God will call me where I need to be. This just wasn't the right place.

"...a time to mourn and a time to dance..." Looking forward to dancing.