Wednesday, August 22, 2012

back from the shadows

It's been quite a while since I wrote here.  So much has been going on.  First of all, I finished my CPE residency at the hospital a few weeks ago.  What an amazing, challenging, frustrating at times, beautiful experience.  I learned so much about myself - my strengths, my growing edges, my passion for mentoring interns.  Through this process, which can be hard, I learned that I am beautiful & broken, & that's okay.  I am enough.  I am good enough.  That is a huge statement for me, as I've struggled at times in my life with feeling good enough.  I had an amazing supervisor who pushed me, loved me & allowed me to cry, laugh, struggle with myself & where I was in my process.  I am eternally grateful for her presence in my life. 

While I am officially done at the hospital, there is the sticking point of last fall.  When I needed to have surgery on my left hip, I needed to be away from the hospital for several weeks.  I did not have enough clinical hours to get the full unit for the fall.  So, I have to make up a 1/2 unit of CPE to get the full units needed to be certified.  My amazing supervisor took a job at another hospital two weeks ago & offered a spot in their program to get the hours I need to get the 1/2 unit.  Did I mention that she is awesome?  And, there is a possiblity for more permanent work there, so we shall see. 

But, there is something else that happened this summer.  Back in January, I began to have some trouble with my right hip.  Same pain as I had in the left hip during the fall.  After months & months of pain & trouble, it was decided that I needed to have surgery on my right hip.  I had the surgery on August 2nd.  Right now, I am in my third week of recovery & spending time off my leg.  This means that I cannot work right now & won't be cleared to begin working for another month or so.  I am trying hard to just stay calm about all the stress this places on me, on my finances, on my sanity.  But, I am remaining thankful for the great medical care I have received; for my parents who were here for the last several weeks helping me; for my friends who have offered prayers & encouragement; for God's presence with me even in the shadows of pain & recovery. 

I am in a space of discernment of where God is calling me next.  I know where my passion is - chaplaincy & working with students.  Maybe I want to be a staff chaplain at a hospital & go with the board certification route.  Or maybe pursue CPE supervisory training.  I've gotten lots of support for the latter choice.  I'm not sure what I am going to do.  Only time will tell.  Prayers are always welcome & much appreciated.