Tuesday, May 08, 2007

As the end draws near

It is the end of the semester here. I have two more classes to attend. Two finals to study for. One paper to write. It really doesn't seem possible that I have completed two full years of seminary. So much has happened over these past two years, both moments of joy and moments of struggle. I wouldn't change it for anything.

I was sitting in a room filled with wise women last night. Women who are all powerful, articulate, beautiful, and flawed. Professors and students. I drew so much strength from being in their presence. It was simply amazing beyond all words. I had another moment today. My final leadership class- I was sitting in another room with these amazing people who I've spent the last four months of my life learning and growing into our visions of what a pastoral leader looks like. Today, we talked about our personal metaphors and images of leadership. There in that room sat: the Eastern Philosopher, the wise sage, the poet, the storyteller, the musicians, the multitasker, the photographer, and the conductor. All the metaphors were different, but had common threads, linking the nine of us together. I've been so blessed to be with them and to learn with and from them.

I am having a hard time accepting the notion that I will not be here this summer. Even more difficult is leaving this place for the entire year, which is quickly becoming a reality. I know it is the best decision for me. I know that I cannot simply sit in the classroom and learn what I need to right now. I feel called to be in a congregational settting full time. I think it will give me the necessary time and space to think, process, discern my ministry and call to serve the church. This semester was not easy- not becoming a candidate like others in this community was so hard. So painful. And, it still is at times. I am learning to see this as a blessing of time- time for serious discernment and just simply space to be in ministry. I've been given this time. I will use it for God's will. However, there are real emotions here. I will leave my classmates and close friends. They are my family. My insides. I will not be here to celebrate in triumph and comfort in struggle with the people who are so important to me. What will my life be like without them? I do know that I take them with me wherever I go in this life. They helped to shape me into the person I am right now, and for that I am eternally grateful.

So, here's to new adventures. And family. Thanks be to God.

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