Sermon 8.22.10: Sabbath Healing

Preached August 22, 2010 at First Presbyterian of Parkesburg

Luke 13.10-17 Now he was teaching in one of the synagogues on the Sabbath. And just then there appeared a woman with a spirit that had crippled her for eighteen years. She was bent over and was quite unable to stand up straight. When Jesus saw her, he called her over and said, “Woman, you are set free from your ailment.” When he laid his hands on her, immediately she stood up straight and began praising God. But the leader of the synagogue, indignant because Jesus had cured on the Sabbath, kept saying to the crowd, “There are six days on which work ought to be done; come on those days and be cured, and not on the Sabbath day.” But the Lord answered him and said, “You hypocrites! Does not each of you on the Sabbath untie his ox or his donkey from the manger, and lead it away to give it water? And ought not this woman, a daughter of Abraham who Satan bound for eighteen long years, be set free from this bondage on the Sabbath day?” When he said this, all his opponents were put to shame; and the entire crowd was rejoicing at all the wonderful things that he was doing.

Vacation seemed to be a hot topic in the news this past week. The President is on vacation with his family in Martha’s Vineyard for the next week or so. Many in the media have made a big deal about him taking off on vacation during hard economic times, a contentious midterm election season, and pressing domestic and international issues ensuing every day. No matter your particular political beliefs, there is something there – what does it mean to take time off, especially when we are faced with a very busy work and family schedule? There were experts interviewed who said taking vacation time, time away from the everyday pressures, is good for our health – physically and mentally, and I would contend spiritually as well. When we do not take the time away, we can suffer in so many ways.

The woman in our scripture this morning was suffering. She had been bent over, unable to stand up straight for eighteen years. Eighteen long years, she suffered without any relief. Imagine what her world looked like – her line of vision limited to the patch of ground around her feet, having to walk oh so carefully, so she didn’t trip and fall over something; not being able to make deep connections with people through looking at them when she spoke – a whole myriad of problems which set her apart from the rest of the community.

I wonder what made her come to the synagogue that day. Did she always come there? Was it a part of her normal routine? Or did she come because she knew Jesus was there? What is peculiar is she doesn’t ask him to heal her – Jesus noticed her first. He called to her and had her come over to where he was. And, Jesus unbound her from her ailment and she was finally able to stand up again, after eighteen long years. She was healed, by simply allowing herself to be in the presence of Christ.

Of course, the leader of the synagogue was quite upset with the scene they just saw between Jesus and this woman. They were operating under the tradition of Sabbath that does not include doing any kind of healing or work. He was lecturing the crowd about how they needed to come back another day to be healed – it is not proper to heal on the Sabbath. However, the Lord is quick to point out their hypocrisy of untying their animals so they could go for a drink – saying this woman was just as worthy of being unbound from her pain and suffering. Sabbath, to Jesus, is more than simply ceasing from work. It was about healing. It was about being unbound from suffering. It is about creating space to allow God’s healing presence to come to us.

Sabbath is really about freedom from bondage, from being bent down. We all have times in our lives where we feel bent down and bound up by life’s circumstances. What is keeping you bound up and bent down? And, what might it mean to allow God to heal us during our Sabbath time, rather than just simply ceasing from our work?

A friend of mine from seminary recently finished a summer Sabbath. Lucy, along with her husband Daniel, spent the last several months traveling across the United States working at farms and living in community with others as a part of the WWOOF program. She blogged1 about her experiences and shared her reflections, especially drawing inspiration from the writer Wendell Berry. In her first entry, Lucy reflected on her motivation for taking this Sabbath time – ceasing from work. She writes, “I have again come to a wall. A wall where I face exhaustion, but also an emptiness spiritually, emotionally, vocationally, and even intellectually. It is time, again, for active cessation. Time for tending to God, to Daniel, to family, and to self.”

Lucy, as so many of us often do, work and work and work, most of the time to the determent to our souls, our health, our very lives. We hit these walls, where we cannot seem to move forward, where we are emotionally, physically, mentally, spiritually empty and tired. We are bent down by the weight of our own exhaustion and emptiness. We are the bent down woman in this story. We are bring bent and pushed down by the busy pace of life, pressures we face at work, at home, in all areas of our lives. And, when we go and go at such a pace, before we know it, we are no longer able to see what is front of us or able to think clearly.

This week, I heard an interview on television of a Presidential historian who noted that several of our former Presidents were literally unable to make decisions and they were quite frustrated when they were exhausted. She said these Presidents would often head to their private estates or on vacation simply to clear their heads, to get some much needed rest and perspective. The same is true for us when we are overworked and overwhelmed. We begin to lose our way, and if we are not careful, we get struck in this place of feeling bound and bent.

So, how do we get ourselves unbound and standing up again? How do we cease work and take time away? Keeping Sabbath is not easy for us, especially given the availability of distractions such as computers, cell phones, and a myriad of ways to remain in the fast pace of our world. But, our health depends on it. Not just our physical health, but also our spiritual health. We desperately need to be released from what keeps us from living in freedom – stress, worry, exhaustion, brokenness.

Sabbath is truly a space of healing. It was for the woman. It has been for countless people. Early this morning, I received word that my friend Todd had lost his battle with cancer. He was bound up and bent down by this awful disease for over two years. He endured numerous different treatments at hospitals all around the country. In the end, he simply wanted to come home to be surrounded by family and friends in his last days. As I was reading the words of his passing, it struck me that Todd experienced a Sabbath healing. He is finally free from the pain and suffering that kept him from living into freedom. At midnight, he was released from the captive grip of cancer into a glorious freedom of resurrection life.

Life passes by too quickly, and we often lose sight in the busyness of it all. But, when we truly keep the Sabbath, when we actively cease from our work, we are able to open ourselves up for God’s healing presence to come to us. In doing so, we will be refreshed and renewed for the journey ahead of us. We can see with clear eyes, have open minds and rested bodies. Our relationship with God will deepen and we can listen for what God is trying to say to us.

I want to close with a poem that Lucy shared on her blog by Wendell Berry, a writer, who lives on a farm in Kentucky. He regularly practices Sabbath by wandering about his property in silence and writes poems about his Sabbath time. I invite you to hear his words -

Another Sunday morning comes
And I resume the standing Sabbath
Of the woods, where the finest blooms
Of time return, and where no path

Is worn but wears its makers out
At last, and disappears in leaves
Of fallen seasons. The tracked rut
Fills and levels; here nothing grieves

In the risen season. Past life
Lives in the living. Resurrection
Is in the way each maple leaf
Commemorates its kind, by connection

Outreaching understanding. What rises
Rises into comprehension
And beyond. Even falling raises
In praise of light. What is begun

Is unfinished. And so the mind
That comes to rest among the bluebells
Comes to rest in motion, refined
By alteration. The bud swells,

Opens, makes seed, falls, is well,
Being becoming what it is:
Miracle and parable
Exceeding thought, because it is

Immeasurable; the understander
Encloses understanding, thus
Darkens the light. We can stand under
No ray that is not dimmed by us.

The mind that comes to rest is tended
In ways that it cannot intend:
Is borne, preserved, and comprehended
By what it cannot comprehend.

Your Sabbath, Lord, thus keeps us by
Your will, not ours. And it is fit
Our only choice should be to die
Into that rest, or out of it. 2

Let us rest in God this day. Amen.

1 Lucy Waechter Webb blogs at www.sowingsabbath.blogspot.com and is a Candidate for Ministry in the Presbyterian Church (U.S.A.)
2 Taken from Wendell Berry, A Timbered Choir: The Sabbath Poems 1979-1997, 1979: II)

Hope my week isn't too nutty...

Well, I posted a status last Sunday (August 1st) - "I hope my week is not too nutty". Wow, I shouldn't have done that! This past week has been completely insane. It started that night when I cut my thumb on a can lid from my recycling bin. I went up the street to a church member, who is a retired nurse, and she bandaged me up. But, my thumb started hurting pretty bad, so went to the doctor who sent me to a hand surgeon. I have an infection. Of course. So, I started on antibiotics and had a tetanus shot. And, that meant not using my left hand as much. That made things a bit more difficult!

And then on Saturday morning, I called my mom's phone. My dad answered & said he was at the hospital with my mom. She had gotten pretty sick that morning, and after she passed out & aspirated on her vomit, he took her to the ER. Once she got there, she passed out again & flatlined for about 20 seconds. She was then transferred to a major medical center about 45 minutes away. During this time, I quickly called & got a flight to TN from PA for that evening. I arrived late Saturday night & have spent the majority of my time at the hospital.

She ended up getting a pacemaker put in this morning to help correct her atrial fibrillation and slow heart rate, which was causing the dizzy spells, vomiting, and passing out. The surgery went well, she is up and alert, and doing much better. She will be coming home tomorrow.

Thanks be to God that my dad came home Saturday morning & found her. If he hadn't, she could have died there at home. And, if she wasn't at the hospital when she flat lined, she could have died. I am pretty thankful she is still here with us. And, that my church allowed me to get home to be with my family. Mostly, I've been caring for my dad and doing some things for my mom. I've realized how much work it is to care for aging parents, and they are still young in the grand scheme of things.

I am heading back to PA on Wednesday morning. And, now I know not to post a status such as hoping my week is not too nutty. Hopefully, things are looking up from this point. Hope that doesn't get me now...

Hazy, Crazy Days of Summer

I apologize for not writing for a long time (yet again). As the title implies, it has truly been a whirlwind of craziness this summer thus far. When did it become almost August? Here's a bit of an update on what's happening in my corner of the world:

• On the health front: I'm doing really well with eating gluten-free. I actually very rarely have cravings and/or miss regular bread stuff. I eat lots of fruit & veggies, along with yummy homemade hummus & black beans. I do eat gluten free pasta & bread, but not on an everyday basis. Overall, I'm feeling much better than ever before - TBTG! But, I am still fighting the iron deficiency stuff & have weekly iron infusions scheduled for the month of August. Bummer, but hopefully these will be the last ones!
• At the church: attendance has been pretty good throughout the summer, despite vacations. Had two good sermons (according to others) these past two weeks - hoping to produce another one this week. We're facing financial strain, as many mainline churches are, so we're working hard to get our stewardship up and get some new activities planned for the fall.
• I spent a week in Montreat! Youth Conferences are the best - I always have a blast. My small group (aka The Goon Squad) was truly amazing! It was also good to see friends I've not seen in two years, which is far too long. Made some new friends as well. Good times.
• On the personal front: my mother came and spent about three weeks with me here in PA. It was super nice to have her around! We saw Mika Brzezinski at Barnes & Noble in Lancaster! Met her, listened to her talk about her book, took pictures, and even met the Governor of PA - Ed Rendell. Amazing.

That's what has been going on here. Working on sermons for August, planning confirmation class for this year, working with the stewardship & finance committee on budget stuff. The basic pastor stuff! I promise to update more often - I always say that, but I will make an effort this time!

Remember that you are loved! Blessings!

Hope

I can't even begin to describe the last few months of my life. And, there are some things I just can't talk about right now. I've been in my call for five months now & it's been a rough five months. There were some very bright times - installation, worship, spending time with people in the community garden, lots of laughter over good food. But, I am struggling with knowing how to work with a church that is struggling too. I love them so much & I want to do everything I can to help them discern what God is calling them to do & be in this world. I cannot imagine myself anywhere else. I really can't.

But, it is hard. Ministry is not easy. I didn't think it would be. But, there are many days when I wish it was a bit easier, not so hard. There is so much to balance & I hope I am not losing myself in the process. I hope the money will come to balance the budget. I hope people won't bail. I hope I won't bail. Hoping for peace, for clarity, for wisdom in discernment.

All I can do is pray. And hope. And trust God will lead me & the church in the right direction.

Illness to Wholeness

I'm sorry I've not posted in so long.

I've been struggling with feeling not well for probably three months now. I couldn't really figure out what was going on with me - headaches, extreme fatigue, feeling cold all the time. After many, many appointments with a family doctor, a cardiologist, hemotologist, GI specialist, and neurologist, and more blood drawn than I care to think about - I was diagnosed with celiac disease. This is what was causing my severe iron deficiency anemia (like a iron of 2 - worst my doctors have ever seen & hemogloben hovering around 8.5 to 9) & all of my crazy symptoms. The diagnosis came on April 20th, after a two day stint in the hospital with a unrelenting migraine & nausea, possibly caused by a five hour iron infusion earlier in the week to treat the anemia.

At first, I was pretty upset. You see, I love bread. I've been eating bread, pasta, and basically all things gluten for the last 29 years. But, when I realized the gluten was killing the insides of my small intestine & making me so sick, I knew giving it up would be worth feeling much better than I ever did in my whole life. So, I've been gluten-free since April 21st & feeling good. It's had its rough moments, especially when I had to clean out my cupboards & come to terms with giving up easy options for meals. This diagnosis has given me a reason to learn to cook for myself & make things from scratch, so I am sure they are safe for me to eat.

I had a follow up appt with my family doctor yesterday. She had some results of the latest blood work - great news! My iron has gone from 2 up to 62, hemogloben almost at 12, and the best news was that I've lost 10 pounds in the last two & half weeks. All of my clothes fit better, except my pants, so I think I need a new belt. I'm not needing to sleep 12 hours at night anymore, just to make it through the day. I wake up around 6:45am & ready for bed at a much more reasonable hour of 11:00pm. All in all, this gluten-free lifestyle is amazing.

That doesn't mean there won't be hard times - going out to eat is pretty tricky still. Plus, I need to make plans for having gluten-free communion bread for next month. But, I don't want to eat stuff that makes me sick anymore. The option is eat bad stuff & increase my risk for developing small bowel lymphoma or stick to the diet & live a healthy life. Cancer or life? Not a hard choice!

My church allowed me three weeks of medical leave to give my body a chance to adjust & begin the process of recovery. I'm really grateful & very much looking forward to stepping into the pulpit tomorrow morning. There is a lot going on with my church & some hard things ahead in our life together, but I think I've got the energy to face it head on. Thanks be to God!

Swim

One of my favorite songs of late is "Swim" by Jack's Mannequin. I first heard the song sometime on the fall when they performed on The Daily Show & instantly fell in love with the song. Honestly, it speaks to me. There's been a lot happening lately around here & it gives me strength to keep moving forward.

***
You've gotta swim
Swim for your life
Swim for the music
That saves you
When you're not so sure you'll survive
You gotta swim
And swim when it hurts
The whole world is watching
You haven't come this far
To fall off the earth
The currents will pull you
Away from your love
Just keep your head above

I found a tidal wave
Begging to tear down the dawn
Memories like bullets
They fired at me from a gun
A crack in the armor
I swim to brighter days
Despite the absence of sun
Choking on salt water
I'm not giving in
I swim

You gotta swim
Through nights that won't end
Swim for your families
Your lovers your sisters
And brothers and friends
Yeah you've gotta swim
Through wars without cause
Swim for the lost politicians
Who don't see their greed as a flaw

You gotta swim
Swim in the dark
There's no shame in drifting
Feel the tide shifting and wait for the spark
Yeah you've gotta swim
Don't let yourself sink
Just find the horizon
I promise you it's not as far as you think
The currents will drag us away from our love
Just keep your head above
Just keep your head above
Swim
Just keep your head above
Swim, swim
Just keep your head above
Swim

***

So, I swim. And, I know I'm not alone. Thanks be to God.

Lost...

Lost. I'm not talking about the TV show that everyone watches (except me). I'm talking about the feeling of being lost in the wilderness of life. Tomorrow, I am preaching on the parable of the Prodigal Son & talking about the feeling of being lost & then found by God's extravagant grace. It seems I've been feeling lost of late. I'm facing some challenges I've never faced before & it's thrown me a bit off course. It's easy to get wrapped up in challenges & begin to lose focus. I think I've lost my focus. It happens, even to pastors.

So, it's hard to write this sermon. I feel like I'll be preaching to myself as much as preaching for the congregation tomorrow morning. Perhaps God is trying to tell me something.

On keeping Sabbath...

I'm the first to admit that I am bad at keeping Sabbath. I always talk about the importance of Sabbath days and harp on friends who are not doing it, but since beginning my ministry here in Pburg, I've not really taken a full day of Sabbath time. What is completely ironic is that over the next three weeks, I'm teaching the adult Sunday school class on Sabbath as Resistance. Yep. The irony is not lost on me.

There has been so much going on in my church & in my own life that I've neglected one of the most important things to keeping my own sanity in check. I feel overwhelmed & I know this is not a good place to be when you are a pastor. Any time off is being devoted to unpacking boxes, getting necessary things for the house, etc. This does not equal to true Sabbath. I'm finding it so hard to even sit down for five minutes without thinking about something that needs to be done. I've never really been like this before. I did a good job before of taking Sabbath time. What has happened?

Life and church stuff happened. Not an excuse. Just reality.

I'm going away for 24 hours to a retreat with other pastors. It's technically continuing education, but there is time for worship and reflection. I'm a part of a new group of pastors committing to study, gather, worship, support each other over the next 24 months. We're all new(ish) pastors with under 10 years ordained from my Presbytery. I'm headed there today. I am desperately hoping for space to clear my head. I need it. I do.

I hear my friends telling me I need Sabbath. I hear God telling me I need Sabbath. Perhaps I will find it today & tomorrow. We shall see. Thank you to those who are strongly encouraging my need for Sabbath - I need you to keep reminding me of it.

Finding the moments of grace

There is so much going on in my life right now & a lot happening with my church. Needless to say, I am feeling the stress of being a solo pastor. But, I was reminded yesterday of the need to find the moments of grace in life each day. While sitting in Barnes & Noble, a song came on my iPod called Life is Beautiful by Vega4. It has a line - "stand where you are. we let all these moments pass us by". It reminded me of paying closer attention for grace.

Here are my moments of grace -
- having coffee & great conversation with my women's clergy group
- seeing three nuns walking together into the bookstore, smiling & laughing
- finally seeing the sun for the first time in a while, knowing the warm weather is coming...

Despite all that is going on right now, I am thankful for these moments of grace & so many more. Hope you find your moments too. Peace.

Lent is upon us now

"Yet even now, says the Lord, return to me with all your heart, with fasting, with weeping, and with mourning; rend your hearts and not your clothing." Joel 2.12-13

As I write this, I've just finished with my first Ash Wednesday service. I have another one tonight at 6:30pm before my Session meeting. Seven faithful folks arrived at the church, almost at the exact time, to worship at the noon hour. The service was one filled with scripture, prayer, and silence. Near the end, I marked their faces with the sign of the cross in ashes. While I've attended many Ash Wednesday services, leading one on my own held great meaning for me. I was struck, maybe for the first time, by the power of the beginning of the Lenten season and the significance of marking oneself with the sign of the cross. We are indeed embarking on a journey with Christ towards Jerusalem, yet once again. We, in all of our sinfulness, have the privilage of walking with Christ this Lenten season. It is a time for penitence and self-examination. We prepare ourselves, over these next forty days, for the celebration of Christ's death & resurrection.

There is often conversation about giving up something for Lent. We are called in scripture to fast during this season. For me, I am choosing to incorporate more intentional time for reading scripture & writing. I feel that life often gets filled with so much distraction & this is certainly the case for me. And, as a new minister, I'm always running from one thing to the next. So, during this season of Lent, I am committing to do better & make sure I take the time to be in conversation with God. Holy conversation.

Friends, Lent is indeed upon us this day. May it be a season filled with self-examination, penitence, and humble learning as we journey with Christ towards Jerusalem once again. Thanks be to God.

The Newly Reverend

It has certainly been a week filled with ups and downs. I traveled home last Friday morning to Tennessee for my ordination weekend. The scene at Philadelphia International Airport was one of complete chaos! It seemed that everyone came to the airport to attempt to get on earlier flights and avoid the impending snow storm. It got so bad at our gate that the gate agents had to announce there were simply no more seats on my flight & they would attempt to get them on the next one at 2pm. I was one of the lucky 160 people who were able to get on the flight to Atlanta. By the time we arrived in Atlanta, the 2pm flight had been cancelled due to weather. I felt incredibly blessed, but also felt for those who were unable to get out of Philadelphia. I made it home to East TN around dinner time & spent time with my family.

Last Sunday afternoon, I became the Reverend. It was a truly beautiful service, filled with people who represented so many different parts of my life. I'm so very thankful for all those who were able to assist in worship & those who came to witness. It felt like a blur, but I will never forget the words "you are now a Minister of Word & Sacrament in the PCUSA". It was the most incredible feeling. After the service, there was a beautiful reception. I didn't even get a chance to sit down, as I greeted & spoke with all of my home church family.

I returned home to PA on Monday, in between the two massive snow storms, to a scene of winter wonderland. There was about 2 feet of snow on the ground! And, more was on its way. But, I also returned to news of a death in the community & a request to officiate a funeral on Saturday. This was a well known man in this area & had grown up in my church. He had not been active for a number of years, but his widow requested the funeral be at my church. I met with her before the snow struck again & began to prepare the service. Then, I was snowed into my house for the next 36 hours.

It was certainly a strange feeling being snowed into the house all alone. I did get a lot of work done, but I really missed being with people & the freedom to come and go. On Thursday, I emerged from the house to begin the long process of shoveling. We got another 18-20 inches on top of the 2 feet from the weekend. I knew I couldn't do it all by myself & thankfully, a man with a plow came by & plowed me out! I was so grateful. In the process, I met my neighbors across the street & ended up having dinner at their house that night. What delightful people! We enjoyed lots of laughs & great conversation, not to mention wonderful food. This is what my friend Whitney would call a glimpse of grace & it certainly was!

Saturday brought my first funeral. I've assisted with three funeral previously, but this was my first to handle on my own. I did not know the person nor did I know the family, so I made due with the information I could gather. The family appreciated the service, which is all that really matters in the end. But, the whole experience left me rather exhausted. Literally, I came home & crashed. Yesterday was another first - communion. That went well too. These are the things that keep me awake at night - worrying about whether or not things will be okay.

The life of a pastor is unreal. There are moments of great stress, great joy, and total exhaustion. My hope is to find some sense of balance in the middle of it all. We shall see what this week will bring.

Ephesians

Ephesians 3.14-21 - the main passage for my ordination service this weekend.

Three Week Mark

Today marks my three week mark of being here. I am really falling in love with living in Pennsylvania. Over the last few days, I've begun to get a sense of trusting that God called me here for a reason. Despite all that happened with my exam on the floor of Presbytery, I feel very empowered as a young, progressive female pastor. I had coffee last week with several area female clergy. It was great to meet others in the Presbytery and feel supported in this new ministry. Then, I was blessed to have lunch with a seminary friend who happens to work in a church about 20 minutes away. There's something very comforting about having a Columbia person not too far away - I suppose in Presbyterian circles we would refer to that as being a connectional church.

Last week, I had the opportunity to lend a hand at the Mobile Food Pantry here in Parkesburg. It happens on the fourth Wednesday of the month & people can come to receive assistance. It certainly opened my eyes to the extent of poverty in this area of Chester County. Chester is one of the wealthy counties in PA, but there are significant pockets of deep poverty and struggle. I am thankful the area churches & the Chester Co. Food Bank are able to help as many as we can in this area.

It has certainly been a crazy, exciting three weeks! I know there are lots of challenges ahead, but I am committed to remaining thankful for it all. I'm now setting my sights on this weekend - I am headed back to TN for my ordination service on Sunday afternoon. It's been such a long journey to get to this point. I'm not sure the full extent of it has sunk in yet. This whole thing feels surreal, but I plan to enjoy every moment of the weekend.

New Gal in PA

I've been here in PA for almost two weeks now. Most of my time during the first week was unpacking boxes. This is a monumental task - in fact, there are still many boxes inhabiting in the dining room. There are still boxes of books in my study that need a home. In the midst of all the unpacking, I got aquainted with my church office and the wonderful secretary; managed to get my car insurance secured; got a PA driver's license; got cable & internet hooked up in the house; and figured out what I was going to say on my first Sunday morning (sermon was done before I arrived, but all of the other words). My first Sunday went well - sermon was well received, didn't screw up too much, and there was a fabulous welcome lunch that followed worship, which included the BEST welcome basket ever. I love them already.

However, week two proved to be an interesting one. It started off with spending MLK day volunteering at the Chester County Food Warehouse down the street from my house/church. We packed bags of food for the mobile food pantry, cleaned up the warehouse, and generally had a good time. The morning also included a lovely brunch downstairs at the Parkesburg Point (the youth center supported by area churches) and hearing 10 kids from the Point tell us about their dreams. Pretty powerful stuff. I was asked to give the blessing over the food - the first of many public prayers, this am I sure of. I loved being there & enjoyed getting to know the community.

Tuesday brought its own set of challenges. This was the day of my examination for ordination on the floor of Presbytery. I was thrilled to have three church members present with me as my cheering section of sorts. Well, it didn't go as smoothly as I had wished - difficult questions from the floor, which I didn't mind in the least. However, after I left the room for the discussion/vote, it turned ugly. There was yelling. There was harsh opinions and judgments flying around about me. The worst part was being on the other side of a poorly insulated wall and hearing it all go down. I felt awful for my congregation members in the room listening to this & unable to say anything (they did not have voice on the floor as non-Presbytery commissioners). Needless to say, it was a long ten minutes or so. In the end, I was approved (thanks be to God) and came back into the room & was prayed for by some pretty amazing people. Afterwards, I had a lot of people come up to me to give their support and welcome to the Presbytery. I was shaken up, but also felt very empowered. I stood my ground. I know that I'm "alternative" due to my use of 'parent' rather than 'father' language for God, and that I am admittedly a universalist. I accept this about myself and will never push these on people, especially from the pulpit.

Well, Wednesday brought a breakfast meeting with the new Presbytery exec, who I think is amazing. Throughout the day, I received numerous emails and phone calls from people apologizing for what happened the previous day. I was touched by their outpouring of support. The day ended with a letter being issued from the Presbytery with a formal apology and commitment to do better on all sides. The Presbytery exec also came to my Session meeting to explain the situation and smooth it over. All is good on that front, thank goodness.

Needless to say, my week was rocky. But, I made it through intact. A little bruised, but okay. I did have dinner with two church members on Thursday at a little Irish pub in the middle of nowhere. And, I had dinner on Friday night with a new pastor friend at her house. Loved talking about seminary, life in the church, and about cats (she has two). It certainly refreshed my soul, in more ways than one. The whole week made for difficulty in the sermon writing department. However, in the end, the Spirit came through, as she always does:)

I'm happy. I really am. My sights are now set on my ordination, which is in two weeks on Sunday, Feb 7th. I am thrilled to go home to TN and be surrounded by some of my favorite people. After my rocky ordination process, it will indeed be a sweet day that I will remember for the rest of my life. On a separate note, I will share the day with the Indianapolis Colts playing in the Super Bowl. While I am a devoted New England Patriots fan, I do love some Payton Manning:)

Life is good, despite it all. God is here. That's all that matters in the end. Peace!

New Year, New Life

As 2010 begins, so will a new chapter in my life. I've been called as the pastor at First Presbyterian Church in Parkesburg, PA. In two weeks, I will move & begin my life there. My new church is fantastic - filled with warm & wonderful people, eager to see where God is leading them next. I feel very honored that they chose me to walk with them on that journey. I'll move into my house - yes, house! It's a beautiful four bedroom place, with gorgeous hardwood floors & lots of character. I am greatly looking forward to making it my home.

Reflecting back on 2009, I am reminded of where life has taken me & the people along the way. It's not been the easiest year, to say the least, but it was filled with moments of personal growth and love from friends & family. I'm so thankful to those along the way. Life certainly takes us in interesting directions and I know God was there every step of the way. There were many moments when I never thought this day would come - when I was filled with doubt and uncertainty, when my heart was overwhelmed with sorrow. I am so glad to be on the other side now and feel 2010 is going to be fabulous.

Thanks to all who have taken this journey with me. I promise to write more often. For now, peace and blessings to all as we embark on a new year.

Thanksgiving Thoughts

I'm headed out tomorrow morning to spend a few days in Ohio with my family. I really love spending time with them - cooking, watching the Macy's parade all together, going out at 4am to shop on Black Friday, and simply catching up on stories of the past year. With so many of us in the ministry, we are not able to be together during Christmas, so Thanksgiving has become our main family holiday. This year, we are adding a new fun thing - making a big gingerbread house with my little 3 year old cousin Micah (who is more like my nephew). He's a meticulous little boy, so this should be interesting! We are also celebrating the upcoming birth of Micah's baby brother, Nate, who should be gracing us with his presence next month! The added blessing is being able to celebrate my 29th birthday on Saturday with my family. I made a delicious cheesecake for the occasion - the first time I've ever made my own birthday cake:) Should be fabulous.

Despite the ups and downs of these last 6 months, I have much to be thankful for ~ the love & support of my family, amazing friends who are always there, the sense of call in my life, knowing that God is with me every step of the way. I will be especially thankful this year, as so many are without this holiday season. They will be in my prayers.

Thanks be to God for all good gifts and blessings bestowed upon us. May this be a time filled with thanks and love...not to mention yummy food:)

By the grace of God...

"But by the grace of God, I am what I am, & God's grace toward me has not been in vain" ~ I Corinthians 15.10

I saw this passage of scripture on a friend's facebook page today & it really struck me. In this time of uncertainity, it brings me a sense of comfort knowing God created me for a reason. When one is searching for a call, especially when one is currently unemployed, there is such a strong sense of doubt and frustration surrounding it all. It's been a long six months since I graduated from seminary & there's been so much that has happened since then. I've moved in and out of seasons of restlessness and sadness, but there have also been moments of blessing. There's been moments of deep heartache - the loss of a friend, the disappointment from not receiving a call, the pain of watching my father deal with the harsh side of church politics. There's been moments when I saw God's grace - time spent with good friends over warm cups of tea, a drive through the beautiful mountains of North Carolina, the love of family, conversations with a trusted friend & professor who knows me better than many people.

I know this journey has been long, but I also trust God indeed has a plan for me. It's not always easy to remember this, but I try every day. That's all I can do. And, by the grace of God, I will find a call. Thanks be to God for grace and love and reminders of blessings.

Life these days

It's been awhile! Sorry to those who read my blog regularly. My friend Kristy asked about my blog today & I realized I hadn't written anything since late August. Yikes! Living in a small town with limited internet access places a strain on blog writing & I wasn't sure what to write about. Apology over. Now onto what's been happening lately.

I'm still in the call process. Looking for a call in the PC(USA) isn't always a fast process - I know this from experience:) I have a couple of face to face interviews in the next couple of weeks, so we shall see what happens with those. Both are wonderful places & I would be happy living in either place. Lots of praying happening here!

I am "working" right now. I'm a volunteer/grunt laborer at Main Street: Greeneville, a non-profit that works with historic preservation & tourism. It's a small organization & the executive director is a friend, so she hired me until I get a call. In the least, it gets me out of the house & doing something 2 to 3 days a week, and I've met a lot of interesting & influencial people in my small town. Right now, we are working on Halloween Happenings (a fun night of candy, hay rides, & costume contests in downtown) and selling our new Main Street cookbooks.

I did manage to get down to Atlanta a week or so ago. It was so nice to see friends! My head was spinning in all different directions & I really needed those couple of days away. I have some of the most amazing friends - who let me vent & sleep on their couches/floors! I was able to eat at my favorite place - Taqueria Del Sol. They have the most amazing carnitas tacos. Yum. I miss being able to go there on a regular basis. Might have to make a road trip again soon:)

That's about all that's happening in my life right now. Oh, currently writing a sermon for one of my interviews - preaching neutral pulpit a week from Sunday. Text is Mark 10.46-52 where Jesus heals Bartimaeus, a blind beggar. Great text. If you should have any thoughts, feel free to leave me a comment. I'm accepting any & all thoughts. Prayers too.

More later. Blessings to you!

Season of Restlessness

I think I've moved into a new season - a season of restlessness. The whole searching for a call thing is quite the emotional roller coaster. It's hard to keep sending out PIF after PIF, not knowing what is going to happen next or if they will even consider you further. While some days have been rough over the last couple months, I still hold onto hope that there is indeed a church out there for me. I just don't know where it is!

I'm restless, in more ways than one. I'm tossing & turning most nights, unable to get comfortable. I think God might be telling me something, just not sure what it is quite yet. I'm itching to get in my car & drive - to get away from it all for a few days. I've considered going to the beach, to stare at the ocean & clear my head. But, this costs money, which is not in huge supply right now, since I am currently without employment. However, I am heading to Atlanta this weekend to celebrate with my dear friends Kari & Steve, who are getting married on Saturday. They are amazing & I am grateful they want me to be there to witness the beginning of the new chapter of their lives. This will be a great opportunity to get away, see friends, enjoy good ATL food, and maybe even clear my head.

Maybe God wants me to be in a season of restlessness. Maybe something good will come from this. Maybe it won't last too long. I hope so.

Seasons

"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven: a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain, a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away, a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak, a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace." - Ecclessiates 3.1-8

Over this past week, I've been reminded of the seasons of life. This passage from Ecclessiates brings me great comfort during times of transition and times of sadness.

I said goodbye to a friend this past week. She was diagnosed with a malignant brain tumor in February 2008 and underwent chemo. After finishing chemo in winter 2009, her tumor returned. She died last Thursday, leaving behind her two young daughters & grieving family members and friends. She was only 27. We were friends in high school, went to church together, active in the youth group, spent summers in Montreat & on mission trips together. She was a truly beautiful person with a vibrant spirit for life. It makes me sad that cancer took this amazing person away. She & I lost touch when I went off to college. I only saw her a few times.

Her death reminds me of how much I miss my friends - old & new, far & near. I've moved around a lot in the past 10 years with school & internships. I'm afraid I've lost touch with so many people who meant a lot to me. It makes me sad to think about all of the time that has gone by. I think I am especially reminded of these past friendships as I am still waiting to see what will happen next in my own life & am living back home with my family. My friends are all living in other places, which makes communication hard. I hope to try harder to maintain my friendships.

I feel like I am in a season of sadness. After a long period of waiting, I found out that I did not get the job at the church I interviewed with last month. I knew this was a possibility & tried to prepare myself. I don't think you can ever be fully prepared. I'm a little heartbroken, but trying to remain hopeful. God will call me where I need to be. This just wasn't the right place.

"...a time to mourn and a time to dance..." Looking forward to dancing.