Random Saturday thoughts

I'm back from my adventures to Connecticut & New York City. My interview at Yale Hospital went really well. I loved the hospital, the supervisors seemed really great, and I think I would love working there. New Haven fits my style too, which is a good thing. I should find out this coming week if I got the job or not.

Today, Imago Dei @ CTS (I'm a co-moderator) held an event - Sexuality, the Church, & Pizza. We had 31 people come, which is amazing since it was a Saturday & it was raining! We had conversations about what does the Bible say about sexuality & how to be a welcoming church/ally. Two New Testament professors, Beth Johnson & David Bartlett, & two area pastors, Mandy Flemming & Paris Ely, led the conversations. People asked great, thoughtful questions & really listened to each other. It was a great success!

Life continues to be rather busy, with only 7 weeks before graduation. Trying to read for classes, work on papers, the whole job search thing - it's a lot to manage, especially when senioritis begins to set in...

Yale, Gilmore Girls, & Adventures in NYC

I am sitting in my hotel room in New Haven, CT. I flew from Atlanta to New York City this morning, landing at JFK airport. Then, I navigated the A & 4 lines of the NYC subway system to Grand Central Station. The place was filled with St. Patty's Day parade people & lots of green! After an amazing slice of NYC pizza, I boarded a commuter train to New Haven. The train made stops in Greenwich, Stamford, Milford & a few other little Connecticut towns before ending up in New Haven.

I wandered around the town late this afternoon, had dinner at an Irish pub, and took a walk through some of the Yale campus. I saw Branford College - where Rory Gilmore lived during her time at Yale:) My plan is to hit the Yale Bookstore & study in the library tomorrow afternoon.

The reason for my travels to CT is to interview at Yale-New Haven Hospital in the morning for their CPE residency program. I really think this might be where I will end up in September! Hope that it goes well tomorrow.

Snow Day in Atlanta!

The view from my window

The tree outside my living room

Looking out at the quad

Thoughts on APCE 2009

I received a scholarship from CTS to attend this year's APCE conference. As part of it, I am to post about my experience. Here are my thoughts...

A Light to the Nations
Association of Presbyterian Church Educators Annual Conference
January 28-31, 2009 in San Antonio, TX


I had the privilege of attending my third APCE conference this January, thanks to the generous support of the SCC scholarship fund here at CTS. This year, the theme of the conference was “A Light to the Nations”, based on the text from Isaiah 42 – “…I have given you as a covenant to the people, a light to the nations…” Eileen Lindner (keynote presenter) & J. Herbert Nelson (preacher) delved deeply into what exactly it meant to be a light to the nations, given the current global situation. We wrestled with what constitutes a “nation” in our context, biblical understandings of light, the context of how to bring light in our world, and what it means to be educators in the church given these understandings & conditions. Both the keynote presentations & worship services were very powerful & left me thinking deeply about my call to ministry.

In addition to amazing plenary sessions, I attended several workshops:

Making Good Decisions & Good Christians: this was presented by Jeff Japinga from McCormick Seminary & it was all about working with committees in their decision making processes. I came away with great ideas & resources for incorporating elements of discipleship into committee work.

The Gospel According to Beads: Tammy Weins, Meg Rift, & Betsy Ensign-George from the PC(USA) national headquarters gave a wonderful workshop that traced the significant moments of Jesus’ life & ministry through the means of creating a prayer bracelet. If you would like to see the finished product, let me know!

Practicing Discernment with Youth: David White from Austin Seminary presented on a particular model of discernment & how to enable young people to see their mission in the world.

I also had the privilege of assisting my father, Alan Kobs, with his workshop entitled Work Camp Ministry.

Other highlights:
Representing Columbia Theological Seminary at the PC(USA) Seminaries booth in the exhibit hall & helping to host the Columbia Seminary gathering with Kathy Dawson & Kristin Stroble

Overall, it was a fantastic conference! I came away with new insights & fresh perspectives on educational ministry in the church. It was a wonderful opportunity to see old friends and make great connections with church leaders around the country. Thanks again to the SCC scholarship committee for their support.

Texas Bound

Tomorrow morning, I fly to San Antonio, Texas for the APCE (Association of Presbyterian Christian Educators) 2009 Annual Conference. I'm so excited! I've never been to Texas, except for layovers in the Dallas & Houston airports. We're staying at the Crowne Plaza Riverwalk & the events are located all over the city. My friend Kristin is going as well & thank goodness we're on the same flight. We'll each be working in the exhibit hall - I'm representing CTS at the PCUSA Seminaries booth & Kristin is at the Young Adult Volunteer booth - taking workshops, listening to plenaries, & enjoying good worship services. This year, I am co-teaching a workshop on Work Camp Ministry with my dad. Also, we're going done early to enjoy San Antonio. I hope to catch up with my friend Rachel, who moved to San Antonio a couple of years ago & we've not seen each other for a long time. It should be a great trip & much needed break before spring semester starts next Monday!

Change Has Arrived

Today marks an incredible day in our country's history. We witnessed long standing barriers come crashing to the ground. I was in awe today, watching the inauguration with some of my favorite friends & professors from CTS, crowded into our student lounge, hanging on every word spoken in his address. We cheered, we cried, we experienced it together- all of us. It didn't matter what color of our skin, our background, nothing mattered. Except the mere fact that we shared a moment of profound importance. I will never forget where I was when I witnessed Barack Obama take the oath of office as our 44th President.

I was also moved by Rev. Joseph Lowry's benediction. Here it is, courtesy of the Federal News Service:

God of our weary years, God of our silent tears, thou who has brought us thus far along the way, thou who has by thy might led us into the light, keep us forever in the path, we pray, lest our feet stray from the places, our God, where we met thee, lest our hearts, drunk with the wine of the world, we forget thee. Shadowed beneath thy hand may we forever stand — true to thee, O God, and true to our native land.

We truly give thanks for the glorious experience we’ve shared this day. We pray now, O Lord, for your blessing upon thy servant, Barack Obama, the 44th president of these United States, his family and his administration. He has come to this high office at a low moment in the national and, indeed, the global fiscal climate. But because we know you got the whole world in your hand, we pray for not only our nation, but for the community of nations. Our faith does not shrink, though pressed by the flood of mortal ills.

For we know that, Lord, you’re able and you’re willing to work through faithful leadership to restore stability, mend our brokenness, heal our wounds and deliver us from the exploitation of the poor or the least of these and from favoritism toward the rich, the elite of these.

We thank you for the empowering of thy servant, our 44th president, to inspire our nation to believe that, yes, we can work together to achieve a more perfect union. And while we have sown the seeds of greed — the wind of greed and corruption, and even as we reap the whirlwind of social and economic disruption, we seek forgiveness and we come in a spirit of unity and solidarity to commit our support to our president by our willingness to make sacrifices, to respect your creation, to turn to each other and not on each other.

And now, Lord, in the complex arena of human relations, help us to make choices on the side of love, not hate; on the side of inclusion, not exclusion; tolerance, not intolerance.
And as we leave this mountaintop, help us to hold on to the spirit of fellowship and the oneness of our family. Let us take that power back to our homes, our workplaces, our churches, our temples, our mosques, or wherever we seek your will.

Bless President Barack, First Lady Michelle. Look over our little, angelic Sasha and Malia.

We go now to walk together, children, pledging that we won’t get weary in the difficult days ahead. We know you will not leave us alone, with your hands of power and your heart of love.

Help us then, now, Lord, to work for that day when nation shall not lift up sword against nation, when tanks will be beaten into tractors, when every man and every woman shall sit under his or her own vine and fig tree, and none shall be afraid; when justice will roll down like waters and righteousness as a mighty stream.

Lord, in the memory of all the saints who from their labors rest, and in the joy of a new beginning, we ask you to help us work for that day when black will not be asked to get back, when brown can stick around — (laughter) — when yellow will be mellow — (laughter) — when the red man can get ahead, man — (laughter) — and when white will embrace what is right.

Let all those who do justice and love mercy say amen.
AUDIENCE: Amen!
REV. LOWERY: Say amen –
AUDIENCE: Amen!
REV. LOWERY: — and amen.
AUDIENCE: Amen! (Cheers, applause.)

I echo that. Amen, Amen, Amen.

Peace, peace, where there is no peace

I took to the streets today. This isn't something I normally do, but it felt right. I walked the streets of downtown Atlanta, surrounded by men, women, and children- those who want an end to the violence in Gaza and Israel. It was powerful. It was uncomfortable. It was liberating. I wanted to do more than blog and pray for peace, but also march for peace. While I didn't agree with all of the signs & chants around me, the greater purpose of giving voice to peace was present.

I'm still processing it all. More to come.

When Will it End?

The fighting in Israel & Gaza must end. It is so painful to hear day after day stories of war. I often wonder if it will ever end. Both sides have been fighting for so long, I am not even sure they even know what they are fighting about anymore. Rockets are flying, homes & business are going up in flames, people are dying. Every single day. When will it end?

I pray for peace. I pray for hope. I pray for people who just want to live their lives without fear. I continue to pray.

I read some interesting posts about the Israel/Gaza war recently & I invite you to read them too. The first is a blog, written by two people - one in Gaza & one in Israel. It is a powerful witness of hope and peace. http://gaza-sderot.blogspot.com/ (thanks to Kerri for the link)

The second is a post by our PCUSA moderator, Bruce Reyes-Chow - a prayer for people in Gaza, but also a link to a letter written by the stated clerk, Gradye Parsons. http://www.mod.reyes-chow.com/2009/01/prayers-for-the-end-of-violence.html

Pray for peace. Pray for hope. Pray for all people.

Return from Sabbath

I've been away for about a month now. My semester ended on Dec 12th & I headed home to Tennessee for about two weeks of Sabbath rest. It was just what I needed after this incredibly stressful semester, filled with many ups and downs.

After my much needed rest, I went to Maryland to visit friends from my time there last year. It was exactly what I needed in order to gain some much needed perspective. I found myself very grateful for my year in this particular church- they loved & nurtured me. They see in me passion for ministry and know that I am called by God. There have been many times along this seminary journey when I felt so lost and filled with doubt. Sitting in the sanctuary for two Sundays, hearing the familar liturgy & two amazing sermons, looking around at all of the faces of those I love, it clicked. I was able to begin to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I felt recharged and renewed for these final months of seminary.

I am reminded of the long, winding journey I've been on & of the people who walked with me on different parts of it. I am so thankful for each & every one of them. I would not be at this point without them.

Now, I am back at the seminary, taking a two week class with my fellow seniors. It is called Integrations & we're talking about ministry & leadership. Especially taking stock of where we are & where we imagine we are headed post-graduation. Although many people often don't care for this course, I think it might be the best class I take at CTS. I'm at a point in my life where I need to take this time to reflect & gather strength for the next steps in my journey.

Thanks be to God for time, for friends, for mentors, for reflection, and for study.

Wading in the Mire

My sermon I preached this week in Anna's Preacher & the Poet class.

***
Psalm 69:1-3; 13-18 Save me, O God, for the waters have come up to my neck. 2 I sink in deep mire, where there is no foothold; I have come into deep waters, and the flood sweeps over me. 3 I am weary with my crying; my throat is parched. My eyes grow dim with waiting for my God. 13 But as for me, my prayer is to you, O LORD. At an acceptable time, O God, in the abundance of your steadfast love, answer me. With your faithful help 14 rescue me from sinking in the mire; let me be delivered from my enemies and from the deep waters. 15 Do not let the flood sweep over me, or the deep swallow me up, or the Pit close its mouth over me. 16 Answer me, O LORD, for your steadfast love is good; according to your abundant mercy, turn to me. 17 Do not hide your face from your servant, for I am in distress-- make haste to answer me. 18 Draw near to me, redeem me, set me free because of my enemies.

***

Mire. Deep waters. Floods.
Up to your neck, over your head
Eyes weary, parched throat.
Sinking down…
The weight of the world,
pushing on your shoulders;
no relief in sight.

Life is like this sometimes.

There are days, months,
When we find ourselves
where the psalmist is –
confronted by enemies.
Enemies that hurt us –
deeply, leave us wounded
internally.
Wounds so painful, so deep
It feels like being overwhelmed
by deep waters,
by quicksand
with nothing to hold onto.

But,
our enemies are not always external…

Sometimes it is the internal ones
that hurt the most.


The voices flooding the mind
with words that cut like glass.
The feeling of not being able
To move forward, to keep going
The pain is deep.
So real.
Wounds so raw,
opened over and over again.

There are days when
We cannot lift ourselves off the floor.
When the pain is too much
The voices too strong.
The feelings too hard to handle.

The world begins to close in
Leaving us scrambling, reaching
For a lifeline
For a hand to pull us out
Of the quicksand
Of the waters

***
We cry out to God,
Our prayers for help
To save us from this mire
To save us from the deep waters
To save us from ourselves

We cry, so hard it hurts
Our eyes grow weary
Our throats are parched

We cry out to God,
Answer me! Answer me!
I am stuck. I am sinking. I am being swallowed.
Answer me! Answer me,
Please!

We cry out to God,
Where are you?
Can you hear me?
Save me! Help me! Redeem me!
Can you hear me?
I need you.
I can’t save myself
I can’t help myself
I can’t redeem myself.
I need you.

***
The weight of the world might
Be pushing on your shoulders.
But,
Relief is in sight.

For,
in the midst of
The mire that sucks us in
The deep flood waters that overwhelm us
In our tears stained on our faces
In our throats so dry from crying

Is God.

God is there.
It doesn’t always feel like it.

But, God is there.

Abundant mercy,
steadfast love.
God is with us.
Forever.

Do not give up.
We will cry.

But, our tears will not be in vain.

For,
God is with us,
In our tears,
In the hard times,
When we feel overwhelmed
By the floods of internal wounds.
By the mire all around us.


Even though,
Our eyes may grow dim
waiting for our God.
Keep praying.

God hears our prayers,
Although answers come not
When we want them.

At an acceptable time, O God.
in the abundance of your steadfast love, answer me.
What is acceptable?
Only God knows.

So, we keep praying.
We keep reaching.

***

Keep reaching. Keep crying out to God.
Even when it’s hard.
Even when your eyes are weary
Even when your throat is parched
Even when you think you cannot hold on.
Even when you cannot lift yourself off the floor.

Keep reaching out for God.
God is there.
The psalmist never lost hope.
God’s steadfast love is there
For you. For me. For all of us.


God’s abundant mercy and love
will pull us
out of the mire
out of the deep flood waters
into new life.

Keep reaching. Keep praying.
God is there.

Amen.

Thankful and Rejoicing

I have a lot to be thankful for this year. Yesterday was my appt with the surgeon, and thanks be to God- I don't need surgery! He did another ultrasound & decided it is probably just larger than normal gland, but nothing to worry about. I have a check up in six months to see if anything has changed, but other than that, I'm good to go. I've never been so relieved in my life! It's been such a rough two weeks waiting for answers, not to mention a rough month of stuff. This good news gives me great hope that all will indeed be well, in God's good time.

Later this morning, I'm flying up to Ohio to spend the next few days with my family. I'm thankful for them. We eat really yummy food, watch the Macy's parade, stand in the freezing cold of Friday morning to shop, and celebrate with one another. I'm also glad to be with them this year on my 28th birthday, which is Friday.

It's funny, I heard a sermon in chapel yesterday about thanksgiving & rejoicing. At the time, I couldn't do it- be thankful and rejoice, despite all that was going on. But, now I can. Thanks be to God for my family, my friends who love me & prayed for me, my health, and all of the blessings in my life. I am truly rejoicing!

Get Excited!

Tonight, I booked my plane ticket for my post-Christmas trip to Laurel, Maryland! I am heading up there on December 27th to spend some time with the LPC crew. I've missed them so much. I'm staying with two of my most favorite people in the world - Ray & Kathy. I love them a lot & it will be wonderful catching up with my surrogate parents. Plus, there will be a big LPC gathering while I'm there. What a great way to spend part of my Christmas break! I'm so excited...

The best people in the world:)

Gifts and Graces

It is reading/midterm/assessment week at CTS. I only had one midterm, which I took yesterday morning. But, my main event was Monday morning at 8am - my MCA. MCA's are Mid-Course Assessments to evaluate one's progress at CTS and to become a degree candidate. There are three faculty members & two students on an MCA team & mine were wonderful people. For me, this was more of a final assessment, since I am a senior this year & MCA's are normally held during the middler year. But, since I was away on internship last year, I had mine this fall. It was a good process- very thoughtful questions from the team & some rather sage advice about how to make use of these last seven months of seminary.

One thing that keeps coming up for me this week is that I need to accept my gifts & graces. The MCA team mentioned it, my preaching professor said it later that day, & it was brought up at my internship site on Tuesday. I guess God is trying to tell me something! But, by the third time I heard it, I was in tears. I know this is something I need to work on, but I don't know how to go about it. It all stems from the fact that I tend to be quiet. That is who I am. I listen more than I speak. Apparently, this has become an issue. People want me to accept my gifts & graces, and then share them with the world. Lovely thought, but how does one do that exactly?

I'm left rather perplexed by the whole situation.

Made Me Smile

I saw this quote on a friend's facebook & it made my day...

"i talked to God and She said, 'yo, what's up?'"- Empire Records

(thank you, taylor!)

A Thought from Tonight's Debate

The question is: how exactly does one nail jello to a wall?

Ask John McCain. He apparently knows how.

Atlanta Greek Festival!

Last night, a bunch of us went over to the Annual Atlanta Greek Festival, which is held at the Greek Orthodox Church not far from the seminary. It was so much fun! First of all, we rode a school bus from the parking place to the church *which I found VERY FUN* & when we arrived, the place was packed with people. There were booths with food, music playing, dancing, lectures, tons of little shops set up in classrooms inside the cathedral, and best of all...baklava! There was a huge room set up for pastries of all kinds. It was amazing. My friend Kristin & I stood in line for baklava. It was so good! We bought several pieces each so we could have some for breakfast this week. Here we are with our yummy baklava...
Some of the international students went with us & Matt from Cambridge, England had his first piece of baklava & loved it! It was a great evening spent with friends. I came home with two more pieces of yummy goodness, plus a small icon of the Holy Trinity (which look like women) and a set of prayer beads. I think I'll eat my final piece tomorrow morning...yum!

Rough Times in the ATL...

So, this week has been a rough one around here. First of all, it was a week filled with frustration and tension for me personally & the seminary community. It seems that all (or a vast majority) of us had tough weeks- both in terms of our personal lives & school/class wise. I am certainly glad that the week is over & pray next week brings better things for all of us.

Second, as icing on the cake, my week ended with a car accident. Yesterday morning on my way home from work, I was trying to turn right into a gas station & was rear ended by a 75 year old woman. The good news is that both of our cars were fine- no damage, but the bad news is that I was left with a bad case of whiplash. After spending two & half hours at the doctor, I am now wearing a neck brace and taking lots of medication. But, I am thankful that I was not injured worse nor was my car. However, I am sore & trying to take it easy this weekend.

Third, there is a major gas shortage in Atlanta. This has been going on since Sunday night. Many, many stations around the area are out of gas completely & others only have a limited supply of gas. So, tensions are running high here & people are running out of gas. However, it is being brought on by the fact that some people keep going to stations to top off (out of fear) who do not need the gas, leaving others strained. However, this afternoon, I was able to get $20 of gas in my car, which should last me for a while. I wish people would learn not to panic & just conserve! It would make life better for all of us. The governor said it might be up to 10 days until it is back to normal. Ugh.

My hope & prayer is that life continues to get better here in Atlanta- for all of us!

Struggling...

It's been two weeks of class & my head is not above the water. I'm having some difficulty adjusting to class, reading, writing papers, etc. It is hard being back at school after being gone for so long. Socially, I feel part of the community for sure, but my struggles are dealing with the amount of stuff on my plate. Compounding it all, I am missing Maryland more than ever. I had a great life there & I had to pack up one more time to come back here. I miss the people, the city, everything. It makes me sad some days. But, I know this is where I am supposed to be right now. I just wish I could keep my head above the water.

Clergy for Obama

I joined this group on Facebook this morning. It's called "Clergy for Obama". I love their statement:

We are Clergy for Obama.

We believe in Barack Obama’s ability to change this country we love so dearly;

more importantly, we believe in our ability to be the change.

We believe in our ability to create a country where:

all children have nourishing food

the sick can find affordable healthcare

our young adults have real opportunities and a future they can trust

the elderly live securely

and in community women and men have choices about their private lives

armed conflict is a last resort, not a substitute for diplomacy

Together we believe in our ability to move this country

to a politics of hope to a deep regard for the life of the planet and care for all creation

to an investment in programs that work to end poverty to equal pay for equal work

We are children of God.

We are citizens of the United States of America.

We believe now is the time for change.

We are Clergy for Obama.

This is a wonderful statement about what I believe is possible for our country if Obama is elected in November. I urge all of you to make sure you are registered to vote & learn as much as you can about the candidates! Be engaged, watch the debates, discuss your opinions with others, and most of all, make sure you vote on November 4th!

Feeling Slightly Overwhelmed

These last few days have been a whirlwind! I am beginning to worry that I've bitten off more than I can chew this semester. Taking four classes is crazy enough, but pairing that with working 15 hours a week at Skyland might be too much. I sat through two classes today, which shouldn't be awful, but I just felt a little bit of that familar feeling of being overwhelmed wash over me! These two classes (Ethics & Pastoral Care) are chocked filled with readings & papers- and are intense in different ways. My preaching classes should be less intense, but need my full attention. My clients & work at Skyland deserve my full attention/devotion. Can I really give everything my full attention? Something has to give. When am I going to find time to nourish my soul? What will that look like? Plus, there is a ton of paperwork to be done for MCA, PIF, Final Assessment, etc. Wow. I am tired.

So, I ask for prayers. I'm not sure who reads this blog, but whoever you are...prayers are welcomed!