Rough Times in the ATL...

So, this week has been a rough one around here. First of all, it was a week filled with frustration and tension for me personally & the seminary community. It seems that all (or a vast majority) of us had tough weeks- both in terms of our personal lives & school/class wise. I am certainly glad that the week is over & pray next week brings better things for all of us.

Second, as icing on the cake, my week ended with a car accident. Yesterday morning on my way home from work, I was trying to turn right into a gas station & was rear ended by a 75 year old woman. The good news is that both of our cars were fine- no damage, but the bad news is that I was left with a bad case of whiplash. After spending two & half hours at the doctor, I am now wearing a neck brace and taking lots of medication. But, I am thankful that I was not injured worse nor was my car. However, I am sore & trying to take it easy this weekend.

Third, there is a major gas shortage in Atlanta. This has been going on since Sunday night. Many, many stations around the area are out of gas completely & others only have a limited supply of gas. So, tensions are running high here & people are running out of gas. However, it is being brought on by the fact that some people keep going to stations to top off (out of fear) who do not need the gas, leaving others strained. However, this afternoon, I was able to get $20 of gas in my car, which should last me for a while. I wish people would learn not to panic & just conserve! It would make life better for all of us. The governor said it might be up to 10 days until it is back to normal. Ugh.

My hope & prayer is that life continues to get better here in Atlanta- for all of us!

Struggling...

It's been two weeks of class & my head is not above the water. I'm having some difficulty adjusting to class, reading, writing papers, etc. It is hard being back at school after being gone for so long. Socially, I feel part of the community for sure, but my struggles are dealing with the amount of stuff on my plate. Compounding it all, I am missing Maryland more than ever. I had a great life there & I had to pack up one more time to come back here. I miss the people, the city, everything. It makes me sad some days. But, I know this is where I am supposed to be right now. I just wish I could keep my head above the water.

Clergy for Obama

I joined this group on Facebook this morning. It's called "Clergy for Obama". I love their statement:

We are Clergy for Obama.

We believe in Barack Obama’s ability to change this country we love so dearly;

more importantly, we believe in our ability to be the change.

We believe in our ability to create a country where:

all children have nourishing food

the sick can find affordable healthcare

our young adults have real opportunities and a future they can trust

the elderly live securely

and in community women and men have choices about their private lives

armed conflict is a last resort, not a substitute for diplomacy

Together we believe in our ability to move this country

to a politics of hope to a deep regard for the life of the planet and care for all creation

to an investment in programs that work to end poverty to equal pay for equal work

We are children of God.

We are citizens of the United States of America.

We believe now is the time for change.

We are Clergy for Obama.

This is a wonderful statement about what I believe is possible for our country if Obama is elected in November. I urge all of you to make sure you are registered to vote & learn as much as you can about the candidates! Be engaged, watch the debates, discuss your opinions with others, and most of all, make sure you vote on November 4th!

Feeling Slightly Overwhelmed

These last few days have been a whirlwind! I am beginning to worry that I've bitten off more than I can chew this semester. Taking four classes is crazy enough, but pairing that with working 15 hours a week at Skyland might be too much. I sat through two classes today, which shouldn't be awful, but I just felt a little bit of that familar feeling of being overwhelmed wash over me! These two classes (Ethics & Pastoral Care) are chocked filled with readings & papers- and are intense in different ways. My preaching classes should be less intense, but need my full attention. My clients & work at Skyland deserve my full attention/devotion. Can I really give everything my full attention? Something has to give. When am I going to find time to nourish my soul? What will that look like? Plus, there is a ton of paperwork to be done for MCA, PIF, Final Assessment, etc. Wow. I am tired.

So, I ask for prayers. I'm not sure who reads this blog, but whoever you are...prayers are welcomed!

New Beginnings and New Books

It's that time again! School has begun here at CTS. After being gone from this community for 15 months, it is going to be a strange experience walking back into the classroom again. My time away doing both CPE in Ohio & my full time internship in Maryland was incredible - I learned so much about myself as a person & as a pastor. Although I loved being away from the pressures of the classroom, there was a part of me that missed it too.

I've got an interesting combination of classes this fall:

• Introduction to Pastoral Care (Pamela Cooper-White)
• Christian Ethics (Mark Douglas)
• Preacher and the Poet (Anna Carter Florence)
• Preaching and Worship through the Christian Year (Kim Long)

I'm so excited about these classes & the books look pretty amazing. This is all going to be in combination with my work at Skyland Trail Psychiatric Treatment Center as a chaplain. I'm going to be a really busy person, but I love to stay busy. I tend to function better when I have lots of stuff going on in my life. As you can see in the picture above, this semester will be filled with reading and more reading. It's a good thing I really love books:)

The community is taking shape around here- new juniors, meeting the middlers, and re-aquainting myself with the seniors. I was talking with someone this morning at coffee hour & we were in agreement- we've got a good feeling about the community this year. There are some really wonderful people here!

My prayer is that this will be a good year. I've got lots of stuff to discern...whether to go into parish ministry or chaplaincy... areas where I'd love to live post-CTS... what does God have in store for me... all that good stuff that comes with being a seminary senior. So, I continue to lift my prayers to God for wisdom and for discernment. And then, listen to my heart for answers.

Sabbath & Politics

Theology ord is over. Now that it is off my list, I can enjoy a week or so of sabbath before starting my last year of seminary classes. I came home to my little, tiny town in Tennessee to spend time with my mom, eat free food, and do some laundry. Of course, this means little access to internet. Right now, I am sitting in the town public library, which is one room. It's funny- I'm used to big libraries at universities & at the seminary, not a one room joint. But, they have free internet, which is a huge help when your family is sans internet connection at the house (we are an old fashioned home without a computer!)

This week, I am enjoying watching the Democratic National Convention. I watch the whole thing- from gavel to gavel- on CSpan. I love it because there are no political pundents & no commentary at all. Just speeches & lots of shots of people dancing on the convention floor. Gotta love Democrats decked out in red, white, & blue with the crazy hats and waving big signs. Last night, Ted Kennedy & Michelle Obama spoke. Both were incredible. This campaign is all about HOPE and CHANGE, not about the status quo political process. I really appreciate it. I'm tired of things being the way they are and I am desperate for change. Obama is a new kind of leader, one the world needs, one that we need here. It's going to happen, I just feel it.

I love that the DNC theme is "Throwing Open the Doors". The Montreat Youth Conference theme this year was "Throw Open the Doors"! There are many moments when I found myself seeing great connection between the PC(USA) & the 2008 Presidential Election. I love that we have a great moderator now in Bruce, who is all about bringing people together & changing the way we do things as a denomination. Barack is all about bringing peoplpe together & solving problems through conversation not violence. I love it. We need a little more idealism, more dreaming, more over-reaching.

I have great hope both for the PC(USA) and for the country. It is time for a change. I know our denomination is facing some hard truths & struggles right now. I wish people were able to see past idological differences & look at each other as HUMAN BEINGS. We are all children of God. Period. That's all that should matter. It seems like we all get stuck thinking about the issues at hand, and not the people. My sincere prayer is that over these next two years, we can come together, despite our differences of opinions on the various issues & work together to build up the PC(USA) and not continue to tear it down.

We need change. We need hope. Change & hope. It is possible.

Thoughts about ords studying...

I'm hold up in the CTS library this afternoon- studying for my theology ordination exam. It's crazy nuts! There are numerous topics & only four will actually be on the exam. So, one must study a myriad of things to prepare. Today's topics to tackle: Biblical interpretation (as found in Book of Confessions); implications of baptism for the Christian life; relationship between inner sense of call & affirmation of the people of God; nature & purpose of the church (as found in BOC); reformed understanding of faith; church growth & evangelism; and God alone being Lord of the conscience. Whew. That's a lot to handle! And, I've limited myself to three hours a day this week. There is only so much my brain can manage at one time.

As a reward post-exam on Friday, I am headed home (doesn't sound that great, huh?). This way, I can rest, eat for free, do some laundry for free, and watch the Democratic National Convention with my mother (who will probably sleep through most of it!). I know that many of my dear friends will be working hard on the Biblical Exegesis exam through next week, so I will be all alone. No fun, so spending time with my mom while my dad is traveling for his sabbatical sounds like a good option.

As a final note as I head back to studying...I saw this saying on a friend's magnetic poetry on facebook & it made me smile: "Yesterday is tomorrow's joy held today". I love that. May there be great joy for you tomorrow! Peace & happy studying:)

Montreat Ends, New Beginnings

I survived four weeks of Montreat...barely. It was a great experience- all four weeks of keynote, worship, music, small groups, fun times on the 3rd floor of Assembly. Here's my last small group (group 42!)...

After Montreat, I headed home to Tennessee for some much needed rest & relaxation. I enjoyed my two weeks at home. It did me some good. Now, I'm back in Atlanta to study for the theology ordination exam & get ready for my last year of seminary. In addition to taking classes, I'll be working as a chaplain at Skyland Trail, which is a residential & day psychatric treatment center. I'm really excited about getting started with this new ministry!

I must admit that I feel a little awkward being back at CTS. I've been gone for 15 months & it is going to take some time to go through this re-entry process. But, I met a lot of the new students last night, which was great. I feel good about being back for the most part. I'm a little worried about being here for the next two & half weeks until classes start- I know that I will get very lonely & sad. I'm so used to being very busy & surrounded by lots of people. It's going to take some getting used to & I'm trying to focus on the good things!

One More Week...

My marathon Montreat experience this summer is beginning to wind down! I have one more week of small group leading! It's been a really good experience, but I am so tired! I find it difficult to stay up at night to socialize now, but three years ago, I could stay up late & get up in the morning without too much difficulty. I think I've aged quite a bit in three years!

Omega is going well. My small group this past week was much different than the previous two, but still a great group of youth. I had fun! Here's some of them...

One more week... I'm just glad that many of the SGLs are staying for the final week of MYC '08!

Theta Done...Omega Begins!

So, Theta weeks are over now & Omega weeks 5 & 6 have begun! It's crazy that I've been in Montreat since July 4th. Last week, I had one of the best small groups I've ever had in my 6 years of being an SGL. I really enjoyed witnessing their conversations and love for each other. It was a wonderful experience & one that will stay with me for a long time.

Group 27 (week 4)! Lots of love here:)

As I said, Omega has indeed begun. The leadership is truly amazing- Aimee Wallis Buchanan & Bill Buchanan (keynoters), Michelle Thomas-Bush (preacher), Jorge Gonzalez (music), and Lindsey Wells Peery & Barry French (rec leaders). The keynote has been really awesome- Aimee & Bill brought a youth drama team with them who are simply outstanding. Michelle's sermons are truly inspiring. Music & rec- outstanding! I've really enjoyed this week so far.

Last night, we were blessed with a concert from David LaMotte! Wow. He played one of my favorite songs "Hold On", which truly spoke to the themes of this conference. There were moments when I simply closed my eyes & let the music just overwhelm me. I'm sad that this could be my last chance to see him live before he moves to Australia, but I'm glad it was here in Montreat.

I love this place. It truly feeds my soul. I love being able to connect with new people & reconnect with old friends! This is the place that nurtured me when I was discerning my call to ministry. These people are the ones who've carried me through some hard times & loved me regardless of anything I could do. I'm really happy that I was blessed with the chance to spend four weeks here before heading back to CTS. I needed this!

One Down...Three to Go!

I've finished one week of my four week Montreat SGL marathon! It was a roller coaster of a week...my group was great, a little loud at times, but overall, a great group of youth who have amazing ideas for our church! Thanks be to God for that. Tonight is candlelight, which is always lovely and emotional for the youth. I've really enjoyed seeing old friends & meeting new SGLs. Mostly, I am looking forward to sleeping in tomorrow & enjoying the day off!


Here's some pictures from Small Group 27...

J Diggs & Nick Rizzle

Check out the best rec event commercial EVER...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TddZbPTFudM

Nick and Jeffery are simply amazing!

I Love Montreat

I'm in Montreat for the next four weeks for Youth Conferences (Theta & Omega). I've been looking forward to this for months. The best part is being able to share these next two weeks with my good friend Whitney. We've been here for the last couple of days getting ready & tonight is when it all begins! I can't wait to be in Anderson Auditorium with 1200 youth & adults singing & getting excited for an awesome week! Here's to "throwing open the doors".

New Moderator & GA stuff

I know I'm a little late posting this, but I was a little busy over the last few days (preaching, driving to Atlanta, moving boxes, interviewing, and driving back to Tennessee). But, we have a new moderator of the Presbyterian Church (USA): Bruce Reyes-Chow! This is so exciting. He is a pastor from San Francisco, frequent Montreater, and blogger extraordinaire. I feel the PCUSA is in excellent hands.

To learn more about Bruce, check out:
His personal blog
The moderator blog

General Assembly... I wish I was there! Maybe in two years. Lots of stuff is happening, especially when it comes to the dreaded "Amendment B". But, we'll see what happens next, now that the Church Orders committee has passed 41-11 to recommend to delete G-6.0106b — which requires “fidelity within the covenant of marriage between a man and a woman or chastity in singleness” for church officers — from the Presbyterian Church (U.S.A.)’s Book of Order.

To learn more about GA & what's happening...
PC(USA) website
Presbyterian Outlook Blog from GA

Home in the Mountains

My time in Maryland is over & this past Monday, I traveled the 8 hours through most of Virginia to little, ol' Greeneville, TN. I really miss LPC very, very much, but there is something very comforting about being here with family, surrounded by the beautiful Blue Ridge & Smoky Mountains. This week has been filled with good food, lazy mornings, time with Mom & Dad, and seeing people from my home church. Although I don't really consider this place home, I do love spending time here. It's very quiet- no loud traffic or sirens. Just peaceful quiet days with afternoon rain showers & sunny evenings. I love looking out the back windows of my family's home at the mountains. There is something about it that reminds me of God's love and grace. It's nice to be here.

Update (7.5.08)- Here are some pictures of home...enjoy!

Surreal becoming real

Surreal. That's how I've been feeling these past few days. It just doesn't seem possible that I am leaving in 11 days. I feel like I've been walking around in this cloud, but it's starting to hit me now. I was just reading an email about getting together for lunch with some church people & I realized this would be the last time. On June 9th, I will pack my car & drive the long 8 hours to Tennessee to my family's home. I won't be coming to the church in the mornings anymore. It is so hard to swallow. Reality is setting in now.

I'm working on my final sermon for the 8th. My thoughts are to weave the call story of Abram with my own story. I find great beauty when weaving biblical narratives with our own stories. God shines through it. But, this is one of the hardest sermons I've ever written. Right now, it's just notes & my initial thoughts. I can't seem to move past that stage. It makes me rather sad, even though I have great hope & faith things will be even better from here on out. Saying goodbye is so hard.

Tonight, is my final choir rehearsal. This choir has been through so much over these last few years and I've grown so close to them. Saying some parting words to them is surreal still for me. I don't know what I will say tonight. I trust the Spirit will guide me.

Tears are welling up in my eyes...this is going to be a hard 11 days. Prayers requested.

Meant to Be

This past weekend, I traveled back to Atlanta to celebrate my friends & classmates as they graduated from Columbia Theological Seminary. It was a bittersweet time for me- I took this year to intern & learn more about myself & ministry, and these are the people I began seminary with & now they are done. I wouldn't change this year for anything. But, I did find myself several times feeling rather awkward about being there. Everyone has moved on & I've missed so much this year. I have to reconnect & learn about people all over again. As I watched my friends & classmates walk down the aisle of Peachtree Presbyterian Church, wearing their caps & gowns, I knew I was not meant to walk with them. I was meant to sit in the pew and celebrate their accomplishments. God brought me here to Laurel, Maryland to allow me the time & space to grow in my ministry. And, it has been a rewarding, rich experience. I know that when I step back into the classroom, surrounded by friends, I will have new perspectives on ministry & take with me a whole new set of questions informed by my time here. Some things are meant to be. This is one of them. Thanks be to God.

Longest Nine Days

It's been a really long nine days for me. It all started at 6:45am last Sunday morning when my phone rang. It was our church organist, Pat, and she tells me that her husband Ron passed away. Ron was a beloved member of LPC, a current elder, sang in the choir, and I had traveled with him to Mississippi back in February. To top it all off, I was in charge on Sunday since Amy was out of town. After wrapping my mind around what just happened, I made my way over to the church, mentally preparing myself to be the one who needed to tell people about Ron. I called Amy & our choir director, Matt. Before the first service, I pulled aside as many elders & people who I knew had a connection with Ron to tell them first before I made the announcement at the beginning of the service. Then, we needed someone to play the piano for the service & thank goodness someone stepped up. When I announced it, there was this audiable gasp. It broke my heart. I changed the liturgy & my sermon on my feet, trying to pay tribute to this incredible person, who I've gotten to know over these last nine months. The service went fine & by the time the second service began, everyone had heard the news. Needless to say, I could not wait for it to be over.

I visited with the family after church & Amy arrived soon afterwards. We listened to Pat, his wife & his daughter Marie tell us about what happened & about Ron's life. When I got home that afternoon, I simply collapsed onto the couch. I felt like there was nothing left inside of me to give. I'd been responsible for too much that day.

As I made my way through the next few days, I took time to grieve for Ron. I knew him well, had many conversations with him, and learned so much from him. He was a brilliant man, studied astronomy, and worked as a systems engineer for orbiting observatories including the Hubble Space Telescope. But, Ron was also a man of deep faith. He worked on so many different projects around the church & had just started a term as an elder back in January.

The visitation was Thursday night. There were so many people there. I know Pat, Marie, and his son Mark were comforted by the presence of so many friends. Ron's memorial service was on Friday morning. It was a beautiful service, filled with music & words about his life. This sums it all up: "He taught us all how to use our minds to serve God, and we give thanks that he has been called home to his Maker, where he can contemplate the workings of the universe."

I know that I learned a lot in these last nine days about ministry. And, I know that I am capable of handling crises in the moment. It was also a humbling experience for me.

I'm tired. That is an understatement. This work is so personal, you put so much of your heart & yourself into your ministry. If you are not careful, you can be completely drained. I don't think I'm there, but I know I need some time to refresh, replenish, and recharge.

Thanks be to God for the life of Ron. May he have eternal rest cradled in the arms of God.

Leap of Faith

Not sure what's going on, but I think reality is setting in. I'm leaving Laurel in 40 days. Wow. That's scary! For the first time in my life, I feel really settled & happy. But, once again I have to uproot myself & go back to Atlanta. There's a part of me that is stoked to be going back to CTS in the fall, but my heart is really here. I've loved every moment here, even the tough ones. I learned so much about myself over these last eight months. I had to do this for myself, to get away from the pressures & frustrations of seminary, and honestly regain my footing after all that happened last spring. I know I was supposed to be here. I wouldn't change it for anything in the world.

I think reality is hitting in the face...probably doesn't help that I've gotten rejection emails for jobs back in Atlanta for next year. I'm out of options for right now. I'm bummed. I guess I'm getting a taste of the call process I'll be facing in less than a year. I'm still trying to hold onto hope that it will all work out on God's good time, not my own.

It's just hard to think about leaving my life here to go back to one, where everyone has moved on. I don't feel like I'm a part of the CTS community anymore- so much has happened to my friends & to me. It will be a tough transition to make. Another leap of faith.

Not ready to jump...not just yet.

Squirrels Like Cookies

Over these last few weeks, I've had several odd encounters with members of God's creation. There were the pair of ducks waddling across the Chick-fil-A parking lot (who I had to stop and wait for to cross before driving on), the wild turkey walking outside my office window, the giant bee who suddenly split into two (not kidding), and then this squirrel on the National Mall near the Lincoln Memorial.

Yes. He is trying to get the cookie. Here's the story. I was eating a cookie & was full, so I threw the remander in the trash can & sat on the bench. This crazy booger jumped into the trash can & got the cookie. This made me laugh! Basically, he ripped up the bag to get the cookie. He loved it. And, the best part...about 20 people stopped to take pictures. He hammed it up for the cameras. Check it out...

Who knew squirrels like cookies?