Shed a Little Light

I've recently been listening to a great song "Shed A Little Light" by James Taylor. I think it is rather appropriate for the times we are in, both in the world and in the Presbyterian Church (USA). We are all bound together- all men and women- living on the earth. Yet, all we see are our differences and life in fear of the other. We should be open to all people, especially in the church. I feel the church is the place where all should be welcomed into the community. It distresses me greatly when we shut people out because of race, color, sexual orientation, socio-economic situations, etc. I pray for the day to come when the doors of churches will be wide open and all feel welcome to enter inside.

100 things that bring me delight

1. a really good cup of tea
2. walking through a bookstore
3. funky indie coffeehouses
4. cats curling up on blankets
5. Chinese take out
6. phone calls from dear friends
7. subways
8. God moments
9. walking down the street in big cities
10. reading a book on my couch under blankets
11. random road trips
12. a good glass of wine
13. the feeling after finishing a sermon
14. IKEA
15. filling up a bookshelf
16. james joyce with friends
17. fellini’s pizza with banana peppers
18. text messaging
19. finding new places
20. free wi-fi
21. looking at houses
22. New York City
23. old friends
24. reading the Washington Post
25. wandering around art museums
26. taking photographs
27. eating Indian curry chicken the night before tgiving with the fam
28. baby Micah
29. dark chocolate
30. down pillows & comforters
31. red walls
32. wearing pearls
33. Gilmore Girls marathons
34. hearing my fav songs on the radio
35. dreaming of buying a hybrid car
36. planning my future
37. using crazy fonts
38. laughing with friends
39. Sex & the City nights at Whit’s
40. a good margarita
41. yelling at the tv when republicans are debating
42. discussing politics
43. my big red mug
44. the sound of the ocean
45. finding out a pub serves blue moon on tap
46. spending time with friends
47. traveling on an airplane
48. people watching
49. long sleeve shirts from Gap
50. my favorite pair of blue jeans
51. crocs!
52. dinner invites
53. getting home after a long day
54. joy in learning something new
55. window shopping in fancy stores
56. Vera Bradley
57. watching my West Wings dvds
58. the ways love comes into life
59. daydreaming
60. Real Simple magazine
61. light reflecting on wooden floors
62. kind people
63. smiles on children’s faces
64. getting a good parking space
65. wandering aisles of Target
66. riding on carousels
67. feeling of accomplishment
68. squirrels chasing each other
69. generosity
70. meeting new people
71. enthusiasm about peacemaking
72. being independent
73. challenging people in sermons
74. knowing I don’t need a man to be complete
75. visiting dc
76. having a permanent card to ride the subways
77. listening to good music
78. watching steam rise from a cup
79. staying warm inside on a cold day
80. sunny days
81. bed & breakfasts
82. looking at photographs
83. facebook
84. my internship church
85. sleeping in on Saturday mornings
86. a change of pace
87. studying greek
88. wearing a robe & stole
89. my tiffany silver ring
90. having my hair shampooed at the salon
91. eating delicious food
92. bagel places
93. marc’s crazy animal shirts
94. time away from school
95. watching water shoot out of fountains
96. handwritten letters & cards
97. surfing wikapedia for info
98. post secret
99. modern art
100. tea presses

It's been one of those weeks

I'm sitting in this amazing, little indie coffeehouse near the University of Maryland. I needed a change of pace, a change of scenery. It's been one of those weeks. Amy's been out of town this week on continuing ed, which left me to make decisions & praying no crises would erupt. Thankfully, there was nothing I couldn't handle, but it still left me a little stressed. B's been super busy of late, so we've not been able to see much of each other. Two mornings this week, I took my friend Nikki's four year old son, Jack to preschool. I realized I was indeed old enough to have a four year old post-college. I am certainly not ready to be a preschool/soccer mom. Then, last night, in the middle of my "I need a break-Chinese food- Gilmore Girls marathon", my phone rang. It was my dad & he tells me that he is in the hospital! My dad & I both have a heart condition that causes our heartbeats to be irregular & at times can cause symptoms like a heart attack. He had an episode & has landed himself in the hospital for the weekend. He's had lots of tests & they got him stable. While I know he will be just fine, it is still a little unnerving. It reminds me of what I have to look forward to in my future- the condition worsens with age. I talked with him this morning & he sounds good. I know being in the hospital is not fun, but it is a little reassuring knowing there are people monitoring him throughout the day & night. My mom is staying with him during the day & he's had plenty of visitors.

Man. Life can be nuts sometimes. And, my schedule for this next week is a little on the full side! Tomorrow is the annual meeting & potluck lunch at church, I am going to a church member's art show in the evening, I am out four nights this week (meetings & choir), writing a sermon & liturgy for the bulletin this week, prepping another Sunday school lesson, preschool mom-ing two mornings, plus an appt on Thursday afternoon, not to mention needing to pay a visit or two to some church members. So, today I am enjoying some time away, drinking tea in this little coffeehouse. Which, is literally a house painted in funky colors and filled with eccentric people. A great place to immerse myself & refocus for what is ahead.

2007 in Review

I got this from my friend Marc. It was a great way to think about all that has happened over this last year. Here's to 2008! May it be a fantastic year:)

1. Was this a good year for you? Overall, yes.

2. What did you do this year that you'd never done before? Lived in an apartment by myself. Moved myself to Maryland. Traveled to Mexico, was a chaplain in a hospital.

3. Did you keep your New Years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year? I don’t do resolutions.

4. What was your favorite moment of the year? So many to choose from…

5. What was your least favorite moment of the year? Spending time as a patient in the ER.

6. What would you like to have next year that you lacked this year? Better health!

7. What date from this year will remain etched upon your memory, and why? Two dates. First is July 3rd- the date of my surgery. Second is December 4th- my candidacy date.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Becoming a candidate for ordination!

9. What was your biggest failure? Not becoming a candidate back in February.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? This summer, my gallbladder acted up and I had surgery. Also, some migraine headaches/vertigo in the spring that kept me in the bed.

11. Whose behavior merited celebration? My baby cousin, Micah who learned how to walk!

12. Did you breakup with anyone this year? nope

13. Did you make any new friends this year? Oh, yes! All of my wonderful friends at LPC.

14. Did you travel outside of the U.S. this year? I spent my Jan term in Merida, Yucatan, Mexico.

15. How many different states did you travel to this year? Let’s see…Ohio, Maryland, Virginia, Kentucky, North Carolina, Pennsylvania, New York

16. Did you lose anybody close to you this year? Not this year.

17. Did you miss anybody in the past year? My friends at CTS.

18. What was your favorite movie you saw this year? Shrek the Third

19. What was your favorite song? Dixie Chicks- Taking the Long Way Around

20. What was your favorite album? Josh Groban- Noel

21. Favorite TV show? Brothers & Sisters

22. What was the best book you read? Hands down…Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert.

23. How many concerts did you see this year? David LaMotte

24. What was the funniest moment of this year? Marc’s time travel experiment, so many moments at seminary…

25. What did you want and get? My internship at Laurel Presbyterian Church

26. What's one thing you wish had happened this year? I’m happy with the way things turned out, even when it was hard.

27. Did you do anything you are ashamed of this year? Not that I can think of.

28. How much money did you spend this year? Too much!

29. Where did most of your money go? Food, clothes, stuff for my apartment.

30. What was the best thing you bought? Five seasons of Gilmore Girls. Since I don’t have cable, I need something to watch!

31. What was your most embarrassing moment of the year? not sure…

32. If you could go back in time to any moment of this year, what would it be? Sitting in Whitney’s room- drinking wine, eating chocolate, laughing with friends while watching Sex & the City.3

3. What did you get really, really, really excited about? Thinking about my trip to California for this February!

34. What song will always remind you of this year? Taking Chances

35. Compared to this time last year, are you...
-happier or sadder? Much happier
-thinner or fatter? About the same
-richer or poorer? Well, actually richer in the grand scheme of things.

36. What do you wish you'd done more of? Spent time with friends before moving.

37. What do you wish you'd done less of? Stressing about Theology!

38. How will you be spending Christmas? My family traveled here to Maryland to spend Christmas at my place. We had an amazing dinner at my friend Nikki’s home- a huge Italian feast. New York City for the day.

39. Did you fall in love this year? Mmm….

40. How many one-night stands? None!

41. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I turned 27 this year. I celebrated my birthday with Brandon having dinner in Alexandria, Virginia.

42. What one thing that would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? Having my CTS friends here with me in Maryland.

43. How would you describe your personal fashion concept this year?.I’m a very classic dresser. I love my pearls! They go with EVERYTHING. Also, lots of professional clothes for work, but still living in my jeans & crocs.
44. What kept you sane? Red wine, Sex & the City nights at Whitney’s, Amy, Brandon, my Wendy’s crowd.

45. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Barack Obama

46. Who was the best new person you met? Kathy Boyer

47. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned this year: I am called to ministry. No doubts about that anymore.

48. What are your plans for the next year? Spend five more months as LPC’s intern, travel to California, go to Mississippi with LPC to help with Katrina rebuilding, Montreat for the summer, pass the last two ordination exams, go back to CTS for my final year. Remain happy.

49. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:

"But what do you say to taking chances,

what do you say to jumping off the edge?

Never knowing if there's solid ground below

Or hand to hold, or hell to pay.

What do you say?
What do you say?"

Advent reflections

It is one week before Christmas! Time sure has flown by. This Advent season has been interesting. I directed my first Christmas pageant entitled "Shrek Seeks a Savior", with over 35 kids involved. I sang with the choir, who presented Vivaldi's Gloria. I will have given two children's sermons (counting this coming Sunday). I ate lots of food at a holiday brunch given by church members. And, I joined the older women's circle for their annual Christmas luncheon (again, with really good food). It's been really busy around here. Not to mention that I spent several hours at a Washington, DC hospital with a church member who had surgery & the numberous meetings this month. Oh, and I traveled to Tennessee to officially become a candidate for minister of Word & Sacrament. It went very well & I am so happy to have gotten through another hoop along this journey towards ordination!

Through it all, it's been a good Advent season. I am looking forward to my parents' arrival on Sunday evening. They are blessing me with their presence for Christmas & through the week. I am excited to show them my town, my church, & to travel around the area. I am so grateful for their willingness to come here for Christmas!

Even though I am focused on Christmas, I do look ahead to the sermon I must write for December 30th. I will be preaching at First Presbyterian in Greeneville, TN (my home church). If anyone has ideas about how to preach on the slaughter of the innocents, let me know!

May this Christmas bring you much joy & happiness!

A Very Happy Birthday

Today I turned 27. This is my first birthday being away from my friends, which is hard. But, so many of them have sent messages to wish me a happy birthday. Each message made me smile, knowing they all love me, even though I am far away. I had a wonderful surprise from B this morning. He was coming home from NC and I knew we weren't going to see each other today due to meetings! I went to work & soon after I got a text message to go out to my car. He left a card, a bag of dark chocolate kisses, and this very adorable stuffed puppy on my car. What a sweet guy! I am a lucky girl. So, to celebrate today, I put up my new Christmas tree and decorated my mantel. It was such a great way to move into the holiday season. Now, I can enjoy my tree for over a month. It makes my living room feel very homey and comfortable. Now I am off to cook myself a delicious birthday dinner & enjoy some West Wing:)

Update on my life

So much has happened over the last few weeks! I've been traveling quite a bit- to Washington DC several times, Philadelphia, Richmond, Delaware, Eastern Shore of Maryland, New York City. I also went home to meet with my CPM and it went very well. After a painless 45 minute conversation, several pointed questions, and a 5 minute deliberation, the committee unanimously approved me to become candidate! This was a very important meeting and probably one of the harder hoops to jump through in my Presbytery. Now, I will return to Tennessee during the first week of December to go in front of the entire Presbytery. I do not anticipate any problems

One of the most exciting developments of late is that I am dating someone fantastic! We've been friends for over two years, both from CTS, and happen to be living here in Maryland. He's a great person who always makes me smile and laugh. I've never been happier! It's amazing, because I never thought it would happen for me. I thought I would always be single. Yeah...

Church is great. I still really love my job and feel so comfortable here at LPC. I must admit it is a great feeling knowing that I wake up and go to a real job, instead of class. We are moving through our Stewardship campaign and I can't wait until it is over! It's been a lot of work and stress for lots of us. But, I think the church will be better off for it.

I leave on Wednesday for Ohio to spend Thanksgiving with my family. I can't wait to see Micah, who is now 1 and he is walking!

Thanks be to God for life and family!

Life...

I am happy to say things are much better inside of my head now. I've come to realize there is nothing wrong with seeing a pastoral counselor on a regular basis. In fact, I think all those who are in ministry need to do this! We are the ones who people turn to in moments of crisis and pain, the ones who people ask many, many questions of, and the ones who have to handle the day to day business of the church. We need someone to keep us on track and a space to unload our own stuff.

Life continues to be very busy. This is what my week looks like:

• The church is in the middle of a stewardship campaign- taking a new approach. So, I am knee deep into preparing the narrative budget and other communications. This means lots of email conversations and meetings.
• I am preaching this Sunday- Luke 18.1-8- and I've got some notes, but it is a long way off from being a coherant sermon. I'll be hold up in Starbucks, drinking lots of yummy apple cider, trying to get it out of my head and onto paper.
• Also, I am teaching an adult Sunday school class these next two weeks on Biblical Interpretation. Something I have a great deal of experience in doing, but it is still hard to figure out what I am going to say to a group of adults.
• I am responsible for sending out the church's enews each week. This involves time to gather all the info and put it in a newsletter form, with pictures and all.
• On November 5, I am meeting my CPM to revisit my candidacy. This is a rather important meeting, since it basically involves my life, not just my career. Trying to finish up the paperwork in the next few days to send off to the committee chair.

Needless to say, I could use all the prayers I can get!

Sheep, coins, and sacred space

The sermon went well yesterday. I'm really glad it is over! Honestly, I was feeling a little uneasy about it, mostly because it was my first sermon at the church. It was on the parables of the lost sheep & the lost coin from Luke 15, which can be somewhat tricky to preach on, especially if you've only been here for three weeks. But, it happened. I didn't fall over and nothing crazy happened during the service!

I've been thinking about something over the last week or so. Pastoral presence. I've been told in the past that I have great presence in the pulpit and when I am leading worship. However, I heard a comment last week that I have all the right words, but I was a little timid during the service last Sunday. Although there might be some merit there, I was exceptionally tired from my whirlwind trip to my annual consultation and had only returned the night before. I admit I was struggling a bit to keep my focus. However, I do not think last Sunday was an accurate representation of me.

The pulpit is sacred space for me. No matter how nervous I might feel beforehand, whenever I step into the pulpit, I instantly feel calm and comfortable. It is something that is difficult to explain to others. I just feel sure of my call then, in ways that are very different than other areas of my life.

I felt strong and sure, calm and comfortable yesterday. It reminds me of the awesome responsiblities that come with being a pastor.

A Pastor's Life

I am learning a lot about what it looks like to be a pastor. There are a lot of meetings, phone calls to make (by the way, I really hate the phone!), visits to schedule, bulletins to prepare and proof, sermons to write (currently attempting that), budgets to read and interpret, liturgy to prepare, and then when the network goes down and you cannot retrieve the bulletin for this week, then the stress piles on! (This really did happen this morning and I am happy to note that it is now working, after an hour of running around trying to fix it.)

I am trying to make the adjustment from full time student to full time intern. It's harder than I expected. While I love this church, my job, and what I am doing, there is still a part of me that longs to be in the classroom. I don't know why. I was perfectly happy when I finished my last final in May, knowing that I would be out of the classroom for 15 months. But, I've been in school all my life, since I was 2, and it was a real sense of comfort for me. I knew what to expect- homework, reading, exams, syllibi, spending time at the library, counting down the days until the end of the semester. However, now my days are filled with church business, which is never predictable. I know that it is going to take some time for me to adjust to this new life.

I miss my friends. A lot. Being here, I have to things all by myself. There's no one to grab coffee or a drink with, go to Target with, or have dinner with. And, while it has been nice to do the things I want to, I miss the company of other people. Despite the fact that I am not a big fan of the food, I do miss community meals in the refectory.

However, I still hold onto the thought that the call of God will never take you where the grace of God cannot sustain you. It is true. I will make it through this year. God is with me. Thanks be to God.

Meetings galore

This is liturally the week of meetings! I have three today at church, including a session meeting tonight that promises to be lengthy. Yay. To top it all off, I fly to Tennessee Friday to attend my annual consultation meeting on Saturday morning, only to turn around and fly back that night. I must admit I am nervous about seeing my committee again. I've not seen them since February, when they tabled my candidacy process until this month. I don't know what is going to happen this weekend. I do know they cannot really do anything with my candidacy stuff until a real meeting of the CPM, which is on November 5th. It is kind of a wait and see thing. I am trying to prepare myself well for this meeting- I need to be on my game this time. I think I wrote good things in my paperwork for it, so we can only pray at this point. But, I guess it is time to revisit the dreaded paperwork for candidacy, since I will need to re-file it for that Nov meeting. Ugh. It's only 6 questions. Why is it so daunting? I'll let you know what happens...

Update (9.11): I met with the CPM on Saturday. It went well, with a lot of affirmation from several members of the committee, which was a good thing. I am now working on revising my written questions for my Form 5 and submitting them for the November CPM meeting. Pray for me. It is going to be a long two months!

New life

My living room

My kitchen

This is the view from my bedroom

I've moved. Yesterday. Today was my first day of work at the church. This is after I finished my CPE experience three weeks ago, drove to TN, then drove to Atlanta, took an ord, then packed my stuff and spent 7.5 hours in the car getting here to Maryland (including 21 miles on the Capitol Beltway in DC). Now, my new life has begun.

I love my job! My office is big, has a good internet connection, and a really big desk. The pastor and I had a good conversation this morning about calendar stuff, Sunday's service (which I am the liturgist), and the plan for this week. Then, we went on two visitations. One to a member who just had surgery and is at home. The other was at a hospital in Baltimore- a couple who just had their first baby last night. It was a great experience to watch the pastor make visitations. She is really great. I realized that we are so very similar and I feel so comfortable around her. I think this is going to be great.

My apartment is great. I've unpacked most of my stuff. It gets great sunlight in the living room and I have a beautiful view of the lake from the bedroom and bathroom. I still need to hook up the DVD player and put pictures on the walls. I don't have cable, but I might get it. Not sure yet. I can pick up a wireless connection in the living room, so let's hope it continues!

I went to the grocery store near the apartment last night. It cost $4 for orange juice! I just got a small bottle of juice and something small for breakfast, and decided to find another store. I found one today down the street from the church and I got lots of food for under $40. It costs a LOT to live in the I-95 corridor, so I need to get used to things costing more.

I think I'm going to love it here! I can't believe it took less than 20 min to get to Baltimore. And, I can get the Washington Post and the NY Times all over the place. I live near a bagel place, lots of good restaurants, and close to the Starbucks. Life is good.

Inbetween Times

I'm back in Atlanta for a few days. Packing, spending time with my friends, getting my seminary stuff in order, and taking the polity ord on Saturday. I'm heading up to Maryland next Tuesday, which is great! I can't wait, but at the same time, I'm going to miss so much about living here in Atlanta. But, I know this is what needs to happen at this point in my life. I've changed so much over the last three months and I know I will learn even more about myself over the next nine months. So, I'm looking forward to what is going to happen next.

Power of Presence

I just spent last night on-call here at the hospital. I sat with a woman whose husband is dying. She was having a hard time accepting it, even though her family was telling her the truth along with the doctors & nurses. I held her hand and her husband's hand, told her God will hold him in God's arms. I was kneeling on the floor next to the chair- just holding their hands. What a powerful moment of presence ministry. So intimate. So holy. What an honor it is to be allowed to enter into these kinds of moments with complete strangers.

I am weary. All of the interns are weary. But, it is moments like this one that remind me of God's presence and why I love coming to work in the morning. Thanks be to the God who comforts us in our sufferings and allows us to comfort those who suffer.

Life now

The summer is beginning to wind down. There is only three more weeks of CPE. It feels like it went by so fast. I've really loved being in the hospital setting, even though I was really uncomfortable when I started applying for programs. But, over the last 7 weeks, I've grown accustomed to working here and I've loved the three units I work on. There are always new challenges and new patients. Mostly, I've enjoyed the time on the inpatient psych unit when I get a chance to be up there. I have the opportunity to lead the Faith and Life group session this afternoon with the patients. I have such a strong interest in mental health and believe the chaplains can make a real difference for the patients. I could easily see myself working as a chaplain in a mental health hospital at some point in my career. Of course, that would mean more school, which is not in my immediate plans. So, we'll let that sit on the back burner for a while and see what happens.

I am looking forward to heading back to Atlanta for a week or so in late August. Of course, that means ordination exams (polity & worship and sacraments) and that is never fun. It's been hard to study this summer with all of the CPE stuff, but I think I'll be ok. Then, it's off to Maryland to begin the new adventure in pastoral ministry. Hopefully, this summer will help me with visitations in the hospitals there.

I just feel so different now. I've changed quite a bit this summer. I really like this Erin- I knew I could always be like this - rational, logical, calm, less emotional. I was thinking the other day in the care that I finally feel like I am 26 years old and an adult. It's a good thing.

Summer Update

It's been a long time since I've updated this thing! So much has happened over this summer. I moved from Atlanta to Dayton, OH for two & half months to work at Kettering Medical Center as a chaplain intern. I have really enjoyed my time here and I love the people I work with! They are really amazing- the staff chaplains are so supportive and loving, and I couldn't ask for a better group of fellow interns. I feel very blessed to be a part of the chaplaincy team at KMC. There are 36 hour days at times, lots of emotions, class work (after all it is CPE), and the ever present fear of the beepers going off in the middle of the night. But with all that said, I really have enjoyed my summer so far. We are in week 6 of 10. It's exhausting, but worthwhile.

One major thing happened to me this summer- I had gallbladder problems. About four weeks ago, I had some pain in my right side. I was sitting in a class session and I just really didn't feel great. I didn't think much about it at the time, but I was on-call that night. I made it until about 6:30pm and it was too much. Luckily, there was a staff chaplain still in the office. She took one look at me and knew something was wrong. We talked for a few minutes and I cried. She told me that I was no state of mind to be on-call that night, took the beepers, and said to go with her to see her husband (who is a doctor in this hospital). So, I went with her and he thought I needed to go to the ER to get looked at. I did and it was a VERY long night in the ER (from about 7pm until 4:30am). After running some tests, they confirmed that it was indeed my gallbladder. I saw a surgeon a few days later who wanted to try some pain meds to get the inflamation down. Well, that lasted about two days and I ended up back in the ER at 9am, after having so much pain while sitting in a morning report meeting. Again, a very long day in the ER. Saw the surgeon the next day who told me it is time to get the thing out of me. He scheduled me for surgery on Tuesday (July3). So, last Tuesday, I had gallbladder surgery. All of the chaplains were so supportive and came to visit with me before the surgery (many also came to see me in the ER those two times). They were amazing. The surgery went very well and I am recovering. I came back to work this week on Monday and learning how to pace myself. The whole experience has helped me to be a better chaplain for my patients. Thanks be to God for that!

I also visited Laurel, MD two weekends ago (pre-surgery), where I will be serving as a pastoral intern beginning in late August. I love the church. The pastor is amazing and I am going to learn so much from her. My apartment is great- there is a fireplace in the living room, a cathedral ceiling, big bathroom. The best part is- it is all furnished and fully stocked. There is very little that I need to bring with me from Atlanta. It is all paid for- the apt, utilities, plus cable and high speed internet. Amazing. Simply amazing. I am really looking forward to moving down there next month and really learning what it is like to be a pastor, without the pressure of school.

That's what is new in my world. Busy, busy. I miss all of my friends in Atlanta and looking forward to seeing them before the big move! I'll try and update this more often, especially from Maryland!

Times are changing

Updates on my life:

• Big news is that I have accepted a full time internship at a church in suburban DC for next year. I start on September 1st and I am really excited! What an amazing church and I think it will be a great fit for me. So, moving....yikes! New adventures....yay!
• Finished my middler year of seminary. I am officially a senior. Well, a two year senior.
• My final day at my SM 210 internship church is Sunday. We were honored on Wednesday with cake (see picture) and presents. What a year it's been! I am going to miss the church a lot.
• My good friend Whit and I took a brief vacation to Savannah this week (Sun-Tues). Amazing city, great food, met Paula Deen's sons Bobby & Jamie (so hot), and spent time with a good friend. Just what I needed!
• I'm off to Ohio next week (after a brief stop in TN to visit the fam) to begin my chaplaincy internship at Kettering Medical Center for ten weeks. It should be an interesting, exciting, scary experience.

I've got lots going on. I've had to say goodbye too much this week. Friends are all over the place for the summer. But, I think it's going to be a good summer for all of us!

Shifting focus

I had my final class today. After it was over, I felt this huge sense of relief. I realized I will not have to sit inside of a classroom for 15 months! I've never gone longer than 2.5 months without class for my ENTIRE life. I've been in school full-time for the past 24 years, since I was 2. I seriously need a break. A big time break. I feel like I'm starting to lose myself. So much of my life has been defined by being a student, so this is going to be a major shift for me. I also realized tonight that I need to move on for a while. I know that I can come back to this community, even though it will look very different when I return. But, it will still be here. I will miss being here with everyone, but there is something refreshing about venturing out on my own. I've never really lived by myself - I had a single room in college, but I was the RA in the dorm. I lived with someone in grad school. I live here in my own space, but surrounded by my friends. Moving away on my own, without knowing a lot of people, will be amazing. But, I'm scared too. A good kind of scared. I know I'm doing the right thing. This is really all that's on my mind right now- trying to focus on final exams, but honestly, I'm just ready for new adventures. I'm about to take a leap of faith. And...we'll see where I land on the other side.

As the end draws near

It is the end of the semester here. I have two more classes to attend. Two finals to study for. One paper to write. It really doesn't seem possible that I have completed two full years of seminary. So much has happened over these past two years, both moments of joy and moments of struggle. I wouldn't change it for anything.

I was sitting in a room filled with wise women last night. Women who are all powerful, articulate, beautiful, and flawed. Professors and students. I drew so much strength from being in their presence. It was simply amazing beyond all words. I had another moment today. My final leadership class- I was sitting in another room with these amazing people who I've spent the last four months of my life learning and growing into our visions of what a pastoral leader looks like. Today, we talked about our personal metaphors and images of leadership. There in that room sat: the Eastern Philosopher, the wise sage, the poet, the storyteller, the musicians, the multitasker, the photographer, and the conductor. All the metaphors were different, but had common threads, linking the nine of us together. I've been so blessed to be with them and to learn with and from them.

I am having a hard time accepting the notion that I will not be here this summer. Even more difficult is leaving this place for the entire year, which is quickly becoming a reality. I know it is the best decision for me. I know that I cannot simply sit in the classroom and learn what I need to right now. I feel called to be in a congregational settting full time. I think it will give me the necessary time and space to think, process, discern my ministry and call to serve the church. This semester was not easy- not becoming a candidate like others in this community was so hard. So painful. And, it still is at times. I am learning to see this as a blessing of time- time for serious discernment and just simply space to be in ministry. I've been given this time. I will use it for God's will. However, there are real emotions here. I will leave my classmates and close friends. They are my family. My insides. I will not be here to celebrate in triumph and comfort in struggle with the people who are so important to me. What will my life be like without them? I do know that I take them with me wherever I go in this life. They helped to shape me into the person I am right now, and for that I am eternally grateful.

So, here's to new adventures. And family. Thanks be to God.

Holy Week

It's been a different week. It just so happens that our spring break is the same week as Holy Week this year. Which sounds great at first. But, it's made things kind of hard for me. There is literally no one on campus this week- everyone's off enjoying time away with family and friends or traveling to fun places like California, Texas, or New York. I chose to stay here. My only other option was to go home to Tennessee. My home church doesn't really do a great job with Holy Week or Easter, so I thought it would be better here in Atlanta. I was here last year, but spring break was a different week and I spent it at home. So, my parents came for a few days this week, but left yesterday. I found myself rather sad yesterday afternoon and evening. I felt really alone. There was no one to talk to and nothing to do. I'm not really a huge fan of being alone. It's been really hard.

Today I went to a movie and lunch with some of our youth, which made things better. Tonight is Maundy Thursday service and tomorrow night, I am helping with the Good Friday service. But, that leaves time tomorrow and I don't know what I will do. Also, I have all day Saturday. Sunday is full of worship (I'm one of the liturgists), lunch with the pastor and his family, and youth group in the evening.

Holy Week used to mean a lot to me. I think I've lost it somewhere in my loneliness.