New life

My living room

My kitchen

This is the view from my bedroom

I've moved. Yesterday. Today was my first day of work at the church. This is after I finished my CPE experience three weeks ago, drove to TN, then drove to Atlanta, took an ord, then packed my stuff and spent 7.5 hours in the car getting here to Maryland (including 21 miles on the Capitol Beltway in DC). Now, my new life has begun.

I love my job! My office is big, has a good internet connection, and a really big desk. The pastor and I had a good conversation this morning about calendar stuff, Sunday's service (which I am the liturgist), and the plan for this week. Then, we went on two visitations. One to a member who just had surgery and is at home. The other was at a hospital in Baltimore- a couple who just had their first baby last night. It was a great experience to watch the pastor make visitations. She is really great. I realized that we are so very similar and I feel so comfortable around her. I think this is going to be great.

My apartment is great. I've unpacked most of my stuff. It gets great sunlight in the living room and I have a beautiful view of the lake from the bedroom and bathroom. I still need to hook up the DVD player and put pictures on the walls. I don't have cable, but I might get it. Not sure yet. I can pick up a wireless connection in the living room, so let's hope it continues!

I went to the grocery store near the apartment last night. It cost $4 for orange juice! I just got a small bottle of juice and something small for breakfast, and decided to find another store. I found one today down the street from the church and I got lots of food for under $40. It costs a LOT to live in the I-95 corridor, so I need to get used to things costing more.

I think I'm going to love it here! I can't believe it took less than 20 min to get to Baltimore. And, I can get the Washington Post and the NY Times all over the place. I live near a bagel place, lots of good restaurants, and close to the Starbucks. Life is good.

Inbetween Times

I'm back in Atlanta for a few days. Packing, spending time with my friends, getting my seminary stuff in order, and taking the polity ord on Saturday. I'm heading up to Maryland next Tuesday, which is great! I can't wait, but at the same time, I'm going to miss so much about living here in Atlanta. But, I know this is what needs to happen at this point in my life. I've changed so much over the last three months and I know I will learn even more about myself over the next nine months. So, I'm looking forward to what is going to happen next.

Power of Presence

I just spent last night on-call here at the hospital. I sat with a woman whose husband is dying. She was having a hard time accepting it, even though her family was telling her the truth along with the doctors & nurses. I held her hand and her husband's hand, told her God will hold him in God's arms. I was kneeling on the floor next to the chair- just holding their hands. What a powerful moment of presence ministry. So intimate. So holy. What an honor it is to be allowed to enter into these kinds of moments with complete strangers.

I am weary. All of the interns are weary. But, it is moments like this one that remind me of God's presence and why I love coming to work in the morning. Thanks be to the God who comforts us in our sufferings and allows us to comfort those who suffer.

Life now

The summer is beginning to wind down. There is only three more weeks of CPE. It feels like it went by so fast. I've really loved being in the hospital setting, even though I was really uncomfortable when I started applying for programs. But, over the last 7 weeks, I've grown accustomed to working here and I've loved the three units I work on. There are always new challenges and new patients. Mostly, I've enjoyed the time on the inpatient psych unit when I get a chance to be up there. I have the opportunity to lead the Faith and Life group session this afternoon with the patients. I have such a strong interest in mental health and believe the chaplains can make a real difference for the patients. I could easily see myself working as a chaplain in a mental health hospital at some point in my career. Of course, that would mean more school, which is not in my immediate plans. So, we'll let that sit on the back burner for a while and see what happens.

I am looking forward to heading back to Atlanta for a week or so in late August. Of course, that means ordination exams (polity & worship and sacraments) and that is never fun. It's been hard to study this summer with all of the CPE stuff, but I think I'll be ok. Then, it's off to Maryland to begin the new adventure in pastoral ministry. Hopefully, this summer will help me with visitations in the hospitals there.

I just feel so different now. I've changed quite a bit this summer. I really like this Erin- I knew I could always be like this - rational, logical, calm, less emotional. I was thinking the other day in the care that I finally feel like I am 26 years old and an adult. It's a good thing.

Summer Update

It's been a long time since I've updated this thing! So much has happened over this summer. I moved from Atlanta to Dayton, OH for two & half months to work at Kettering Medical Center as a chaplain intern. I have really enjoyed my time here and I love the people I work with! They are really amazing- the staff chaplains are so supportive and loving, and I couldn't ask for a better group of fellow interns. I feel very blessed to be a part of the chaplaincy team at KMC. There are 36 hour days at times, lots of emotions, class work (after all it is CPE), and the ever present fear of the beepers going off in the middle of the night. But with all that said, I really have enjoyed my summer so far. We are in week 6 of 10. It's exhausting, but worthwhile.

One major thing happened to me this summer- I had gallbladder problems. About four weeks ago, I had some pain in my right side. I was sitting in a class session and I just really didn't feel great. I didn't think much about it at the time, but I was on-call that night. I made it until about 6:30pm and it was too much. Luckily, there was a staff chaplain still in the office. She took one look at me and knew something was wrong. We talked for a few minutes and I cried. She told me that I was no state of mind to be on-call that night, took the beepers, and said to go with her to see her husband (who is a doctor in this hospital). So, I went with her and he thought I needed to go to the ER to get looked at. I did and it was a VERY long night in the ER (from about 7pm until 4:30am). After running some tests, they confirmed that it was indeed my gallbladder. I saw a surgeon a few days later who wanted to try some pain meds to get the inflamation down. Well, that lasted about two days and I ended up back in the ER at 9am, after having so much pain while sitting in a morning report meeting. Again, a very long day in the ER. Saw the surgeon the next day who told me it is time to get the thing out of me. He scheduled me for surgery on Tuesday (July3). So, last Tuesday, I had gallbladder surgery. All of the chaplains were so supportive and came to visit with me before the surgery (many also came to see me in the ER those two times). They were amazing. The surgery went very well and I am recovering. I came back to work this week on Monday and learning how to pace myself. The whole experience has helped me to be a better chaplain for my patients. Thanks be to God for that!

I also visited Laurel, MD two weekends ago (pre-surgery), where I will be serving as a pastoral intern beginning in late August. I love the church. The pastor is amazing and I am going to learn so much from her. My apartment is great- there is a fireplace in the living room, a cathedral ceiling, big bathroom. The best part is- it is all furnished and fully stocked. There is very little that I need to bring with me from Atlanta. It is all paid for- the apt, utilities, plus cable and high speed internet. Amazing. Simply amazing. I am really looking forward to moving down there next month and really learning what it is like to be a pastor, without the pressure of school.

That's what is new in my world. Busy, busy. I miss all of my friends in Atlanta and looking forward to seeing them before the big move! I'll try and update this more often, especially from Maryland!

Times are changing

Updates on my life:

• Big news is that I have accepted a full time internship at a church in suburban DC for next year. I start on September 1st and I am really excited! What an amazing church and I think it will be a great fit for me. So, moving....yikes! New adventures....yay!
• Finished my middler year of seminary. I am officially a senior. Well, a two year senior.
• My final day at my SM 210 internship church is Sunday. We were honored on Wednesday with cake (see picture) and presents. What a year it's been! I am going to miss the church a lot.
• My good friend Whit and I took a brief vacation to Savannah this week (Sun-Tues). Amazing city, great food, met Paula Deen's sons Bobby & Jamie (so hot), and spent time with a good friend. Just what I needed!
• I'm off to Ohio next week (after a brief stop in TN to visit the fam) to begin my chaplaincy internship at Kettering Medical Center for ten weeks. It should be an interesting, exciting, scary experience.

I've got lots going on. I've had to say goodbye too much this week. Friends are all over the place for the summer. But, I think it's going to be a good summer for all of us!

Shifting focus

I had my final class today. After it was over, I felt this huge sense of relief. I realized I will not have to sit inside of a classroom for 15 months! I've never gone longer than 2.5 months without class for my ENTIRE life. I've been in school full-time for the past 24 years, since I was 2. I seriously need a break. A big time break. I feel like I'm starting to lose myself. So much of my life has been defined by being a student, so this is going to be a major shift for me. I also realized tonight that I need to move on for a while. I know that I can come back to this community, even though it will look very different when I return. But, it will still be here. I will miss being here with everyone, but there is something refreshing about venturing out on my own. I've never really lived by myself - I had a single room in college, but I was the RA in the dorm. I lived with someone in grad school. I live here in my own space, but surrounded by my friends. Moving away on my own, without knowing a lot of people, will be amazing. But, I'm scared too. A good kind of scared. I know I'm doing the right thing. This is really all that's on my mind right now- trying to focus on final exams, but honestly, I'm just ready for new adventures. I'm about to take a leap of faith. And...we'll see where I land on the other side.

As the end draws near

It is the end of the semester here. I have two more classes to attend. Two finals to study for. One paper to write. It really doesn't seem possible that I have completed two full years of seminary. So much has happened over these past two years, both moments of joy and moments of struggle. I wouldn't change it for anything.

I was sitting in a room filled with wise women last night. Women who are all powerful, articulate, beautiful, and flawed. Professors and students. I drew so much strength from being in their presence. It was simply amazing beyond all words. I had another moment today. My final leadership class- I was sitting in another room with these amazing people who I've spent the last four months of my life learning and growing into our visions of what a pastoral leader looks like. Today, we talked about our personal metaphors and images of leadership. There in that room sat: the Eastern Philosopher, the wise sage, the poet, the storyteller, the musicians, the multitasker, the photographer, and the conductor. All the metaphors were different, but had common threads, linking the nine of us together. I've been so blessed to be with them and to learn with and from them.

I am having a hard time accepting the notion that I will not be here this summer. Even more difficult is leaving this place for the entire year, which is quickly becoming a reality. I know it is the best decision for me. I know that I cannot simply sit in the classroom and learn what I need to right now. I feel called to be in a congregational settting full time. I think it will give me the necessary time and space to think, process, discern my ministry and call to serve the church. This semester was not easy- not becoming a candidate like others in this community was so hard. So painful. And, it still is at times. I am learning to see this as a blessing of time- time for serious discernment and just simply space to be in ministry. I've been given this time. I will use it for God's will. However, there are real emotions here. I will leave my classmates and close friends. They are my family. My insides. I will not be here to celebrate in triumph and comfort in struggle with the people who are so important to me. What will my life be like without them? I do know that I take them with me wherever I go in this life. They helped to shape me into the person I am right now, and for that I am eternally grateful.

So, here's to new adventures. And family. Thanks be to God.

Holy Week

It's been a different week. It just so happens that our spring break is the same week as Holy Week this year. Which sounds great at first. But, it's made things kind of hard for me. There is literally no one on campus this week- everyone's off enjoying time away with family and friends or traveling to fun places like California, Texas, or New York. I chose to stay here. My only other option was to go home to Tennessee. My home church doesn't really do a great job with Holy Week or Easter, so I thought it would be better here in Atlanta. I was here last year, but spring break was a different week and I spent it at home. So, my parents came for a few days this week, but left yesterday. I found myself rather sad yesterday afternoon and evening. I felt really alone. There was no one to talk to and nothing to do. I'm not really a huge fan of being alone. It's been really hard.

Today I went to a movie and lunch with some of our youth, which made things better. Tonight is Maundy Thursday service and tomorrow night, I am helping with the Good Friday service. But, that leaves time tomorrow and I don't know what I will do. Also, I have all day Saturday. Sunday is full of worship (I'm one of the liturgists), lunch with the pastor and his family, and youth group in the evening.

Holy Week used to mean a lot to me. I think I've lost it somewhere in my loneliness.

Art Inspiration

I went to an art opening at a studio space where Fred (this amazing guy who graduated from seminary last May) was showing his paintings. They were beautiful and thought provoking. There was wine and an artist's talk, and Fred said something simply amazing that really made me think. He talked about how he finds great joy in putting paint on canvas, but that in high school, he was afraid to paint or draw for a period of time. He said he just dove right back in.

It made me think about the last couple of weeks for me. I was so afraid of climbing into the pulpit to preach this past Sunday. I just stared at the pulpit for a week and just couldn't gather enough strength to climb into it. Then, I just did it. It took me a while- I just stood there, holding on and remembering why I love being there. So, when Sunday rolled around, I had this overwhelming sense of comfort. The sermon went well. Worship was beautiful and flowed together like never before.

It does not mean I don't still feel a little lost as to what to do next on this journey. But, I am coming back around. Joy.

life moves on

A lot has happened over the past several weeks. Here's an update.

Merida was wonderful! I had such an amazing experience. We learned about the culture of the Yucatan, economics, political situation, family life, and about the church. Two experiences stand out in my mind: first was our visit to Hogar Mana. We met and played with some wonderful children who come from broken or abusive homes. We played with bubbles, tossed a football around, and had a great time. The faces of the children is something I will never forget. The other memorable experience happened in a home church. The group was split up to visit homes one night. I, along with two others, had the privilage of going with our translator Benito and his wife Kerin. They are both pastors in Merida, and they took us to meet some of their church members. We had the opportunity to be in worship with some members in the home of a woman and her two children. Ben asked us to preach, and we did. Without preparation or even a Bible. It was incredible. The spirit was moving in that place. I preached on Psalm 121 and seeing in the faces of the people, God's presence. The Yucatan is BEAUTIFUL! I can't wait to go back.

The other major thing that has happened is I took the Bible Exegesis Ordination Exam this weekend. I just finished about 30 minutes ago. I really plowed through it, because I am leaving in the morning for Philadelphia, where I will attend the Association of Presbyterian Church Educators conference this week. I'm happy that the exam is over. Don't know how well I did, but we'll pray.

In the meantime, life moves on. This semester will be a busy one- it starts next Monday. For now, I am going to enjoy my time away from seminary. Philadelphia will be wonderful and I get to be there with my dad. For that, I am truly grateful.

O Mexico

I am leaving for Merida, Mexico in a few hours! I'll be gone until the 19th. I am so excited about being somewhere completely foreign and with such an amazing group of people from CTS. I'll try to get to the internet cafe every once and a while to post some stuff. Pray for us as we travel today, and prayers for the other groups headed to Eastern Europe, Jamaica, Appalachia, and inner city Atlanta.

Love: 2007

I think 2007 might just be a great year for me! I am grateful for everything in my life- my family, my friends, the opportunity to study, and my life in general. The one thing I hope 2007 has in store for me is love. I haven't given up on love yet. I know that I have love in my life already, but I am still looking for that one person. So, here's to waiting and a blessed new year!

Empty

It's the end of the semester and I am feeling completely empty. I've given all I have and there is really nothing left inside of me. Which sucks because I have my theology final tomorrow morning, a 7 page paper due Friday, and I need to work at the church all day Wednesday. The worst part of all of this is that I preached yesterday- empty. I don't like doing that. Yesterday, I learned what a hard day is- two long meetings, preaching two services, and very little down time. My body has not even registered that I slept 8 hours last night. I don't know where to go from here.

Friends are amazing

This is a picture from my birthday celebration last Friday night. I have some of the most wonderful friends! I love them! I am so blessed by their friendship.

Birthdays

Today is my birthday- the big 26! It's been kind of a strange day, but turned out to be fun. I wasn't sure if people would remember my birthday, since it always seems to fall at inconvienent times (Turkey day, during break, right after break). But, people were super great to me today which made me feel good. I just can't believe I'm really 26.

Give Thanks

I'm leaving for the airport soon- headed to Dayton, OH for Thanksgiving with my family. I can't wait to get there! There is so much for us to be thankful for this year- the birth of Micah (my cousin's new baby born about a week and half ago) and my aunt's successful recovery from cancer. I think this year will be very special for us, although it will be different. We will go to Donna's house rather than eating at our family's house, but it will be wonderful to be all together! I am so thankful for family! I've been thinking about the song "Give Thanks" lately-

Give thanks with a grateful heart

Give thanks to the Holy One

Give thanks because God's given Jesus Christ, the Son.

I do indeed give thanks with my grateful heart for new life. Happy Thanksgiving!

Plans

I have finished my CPE application for the program at Kettering Medical Center in Dayton, OH. It is in the envelope ready to be mailed tomorrow! I really want to get into this program- my aunt and uncle live in Dayton and have offered to let me live there this summer. It's a great hospital and from what I've read, it's a great program. I pray this works out and it is where God is calling me this summer.

I am such a planner. I have great plans for what I want to do. I carefully make sure all my paperwork or applications are finished and organized. My calendar is my life- I would be very lost without it! I like knowing what is coming up, so I can plan ahead to get things done. However, I really do like surprises. When I first took the Myers-Briggs, I was a "P". But, as I get older, I find myself much more of a "J". It's strange. My mom is a strong "J" and my dad is a very strong "P". I don't know....

I wonder if we should have plans? Have we ever really stopped to think our plans may not be the right ones?

Random thoughts on a Friday night

I saw this incredible movie tonight- Catch a Fire. It's all about the freedom fighters in South Africa during apartheid. It is a really powerful movie and I would recommend it to everyone! Totally worth the $8.50 to see it in the theater.

My sermon last Sunday went really well. Preaching is such a high for me. The sermon finally came together in the way I wanted it by the 11:00 service. It reminded me of why I want to do this for the rest of my life. Not that I want to be the center of attention in the pulpit, but sharing the Word of God with the people of God. This is my call. Sometimes, in the midst of papers and exams and stress, I forget my call. It's nice to be reminded.

It has been a hard couple of weeks for my family. My aunt was diagnosed with kidney cancer, and went in for surgery on Oct 12th to remove the tumor. That surgery went well, but she developed two blood clots in her lungs. She had to stay in the hospital until the 19th. She was in a hosptial in Columbus and she lives in Dayton. She went home on the 19th, but was rushed to the emergency room in Dayton two days later with severe pain. It turns out she was bleeding internally. She was in ICU for two days. She is home now. The bleeding has stopped, but she is on bed rest for the next three weeks, and on lots of medication for pain. It's been really scary. No one in my family has ever survived cancer, but my aunt might just be the first one! She will become a grandmother for the first time in just about two weeks- that will be a joyous event! Her condition has been in the back of my mind these past three weeks. It shaped my thought process and it was hard to keep focused. I think my mom was scared to think her big sister might not make it. It's hard to see someone who has been such a vital part of your life go through so much pain and suffering. I am incredibly thankful that she is on her way to recovery and rejoice that I will see her in a few weeks for Thanksgiving. It will truly be a day of great thanks!

I Am Not A Deep Thinker

I'm working on a sermon for this Sunday. It's on Job 38. I had it all locked up and ready to go, but then I got to thinking about it more...that's always a dangerous thing! The conventional notion is that Job remained faithful and showed amazing patience. However, I realized Job does indeed get upset with God. Now, I need to make some significant changes to the sermon. I am also preaching it in my class on Thursday, which honestly, makes me more nervous than the congregation. I think I put a lot of pressure on myself to try and have the perfect answers all the time in class, and often times I fail miserably. I feel inadequate a lot of the time here. I declared to a friend last week that I was not a deep thinker. I failed to look behind me and if I had, I would have seen my Theology professor there. He gave me a really hard time for that comment- even in the lecture that morning! It is hard to be in this place, with these people, and not feel a sense of inadequacy. I wonder if I will ever move beyond these thoughts that run through my mind every single day?