Plans

I have finished my CPE application for the program at Kettering Medical Center in Dayton, OH. It is in the envelope ready to be mailed tomorrow! I really want to get into this program- my aunt and uncle live in Dayton and have offered to let me live there this summer. It's a great hospital and from what I've read, it's a great program. I pray this works out and it is where God is calling me this summer.

I am such a planner. I have great plans for what I want to do. I carefully make sure all my paperwork or applications are finished and organized. My calendar is my life- I would be very lost without it! I like knowing what is coming up, so I can plan ahead to get things done. However, I really do like surprises. When I first took the Myers-Briggs, I was a "P". But, as I get older, I find myself much more of a "J". It's strange. My mom is a strong "J" and my dad is a very strong "P". I don't know....

I wonder if we should have plans? Have we ever really stopped to think our plans may not be the right ones?

Random thoughts on a Friday night

I saw this incredible movie tonight- Catch a Fire. It's all about the freedom fighters in South Africa during apartheid. It is a really powerful movie and I would recommend it to everyone! Totally worth the $8.50 to see it in the theater.

My sermon last Sunday went really well. Preaching is such a high for me. The sermon finally came together in the way I wanted it by the 11:00 service. It reminded me of why I want to do this for the rest of my life. Not that I want to be the center of attention in the pulpit, but sharing the Word of God with the people of God. This is my call. Sometimes, in the midst of papers and exams and stress, I forget my call. It's nice to be reminded.

It has been a hard couple of weeks for my family. My aunt was diagnosed with kidney cancer, and went in for surgery on Oct 12th to remove the tumor. That surgery went well, but she developed two blood clots in her lungs. She had to stay in the hospital until the 19th. She was in a hosptial in Columbus and she lives in Dayton. She went home on the 19th, but was rushed to the emergency room in Dayton two days later with severe pain. It turns out she was bleeding internally. She was in ICU for two days. She is home now. The bleeding has stopped, but she is on bed rest for the next three weeks, and on lots of medication for pain. It's been really scary. No one in my family has ever survived cancer, but my aunt might just be the first one! She will become a grandmother for the first time in just about two weeks- that will be a joyous event! Her condition has been in the back of my mind these past three weeks. It shaped my thought process and it was hard to keep focused. I think my mom was scared to think her big sister might not make it. It's hard to see someone who has been such a vital part of your life go through so much pain and suffering. I am incredibly thankful that she is on her way to recovery and rejoice that I will see her in a few weeks for Thanksgiving. It will truly be a day of great thanks!

I Am Not A Deep Thinker

I'm working on a sermon for this Sunday. It's on Job 38. I had it all locked up and ready to go, but then I got to thinking about it more...that's always a dangerous thing! The conventional notion is that Job remained faithful and showed amazing patience. However, I realized Job does indeed get upset with God. Now, I need to make some significant changes to the sermon. I am also preaching it in my class on Thursday, which honestly, makes me more nervous than the congregation. I think I put a lot of pressure on myself to try and have the perfect answers all the time in class, and often times I fail miserably. I feel inadequate a lot of the time here. I declared to a friend last week that I was not a deep thinker. I failed to look behind me and if I had, I would have seen my Theology professor there. He gave me a really hard time for that comment- even in the lecture that morning! It is hard to be in this place, with these people, and not feel a sense of inadequacy. I wonder if I will ever move beyond these thoughts that run through my mind every single day?