1 Corinthians 14.15

late night thoughts

2011-12-22T01:17:00.006-05:00

Right now, it's the middle of the night & I am on the last night of my overnight shifts for the week. You never know what will happen overnight at a hospital - some nights are crazy busy with multiple traumas & code blues, while other nights are quiet. It has certainly given me a lot of time to think, to reflect on my life, my work, & the amazing, yet sad places I find myself in these days.

I've been a chaplain resident for three & a half months. While I consider it to be such a privilage & an honor to walk with people along their journey in the hospital, I am personally experiencing a spiritual famine. It's hard to admit that out loud. I'm an ordained minister. How can I feel like this? It feels like I'm putting on a show, all the while wondering what it all means. My relationship with God was pushed to the limits when I was leaving the church. That time was incredibly painful & I often questioned why God would do this to me. It was such a mess. And, I walked away from that mess into the world of hospital chaplaincy. I think I just shoved all that mess, pain, fear - into a corner & wanted to forget about it. But, it still haunts me. And, it hurts. I put up a wall to protect me from it all & that was pretty evident in my fall unit of this residency. I tried to engage in the process, desperately wanting to let go, but something was holding me back. It was the mess again. And, I am left with searching for God in it all.

And, there are questions that plague my head & my heart. Why am I resistant to praying with patients? I'll do it if they request it, but I don't offer it myself. Why can't I delve into spiritual matters in my visits? And, why am I so resistant to opening up completely to my colleagues?

I feel like I've lost myself along the way - through the mess that was my first call, the transition into a new situation with work, moving. I want to find myself again. I want to find the things that make me happy. I just want to be happy again. And, I desperately want to have a deeper connection with God, not just going through the motions & what is expected of me as a minister, as a chaplain. I desire deep peace.

Something that is plaguing me is the unresolved issues with my relationship with a guy I've known for over 11 years. We have this insane connection & felt it from the beginning. But, something happened back in late October - he began distancing himself from me. He changed. I felt like I've been robbed of the relationship - he wasn't there for me during the period of pain, the surgery, or the recovery. It had all changed in a moment. Over the last few days, I've toyed with the idea of sending a letter explaining all of my feelings. But, is it worth it? Or should I just walk away? What I know is that I have a broken heart. And it hurts.

My goal is to be more open about the thoughts in my head & the feelings in my heart with those around me. I can't simply exist behind the walls of protection anymore. The walls aren't serving me well. It's not going to be easy - that's for sure. But, I know I need space for healing & it can be done in community. Healing takes time - one step at a time.

giving thanks

2011-11-20T16:32:00.004-05:00

I'll be two weeks post-op on Tuesday. Thank goodness they did the surgery on this crazy hip of mine - there was indeed a tear in my hip joint. No wonder I was in so much pain for the last month! I'm doing much better now - figuring out how to negotiate the world on a pair of crutches, which will be my best friend for another 4 weeks; driving is easy; got a stool so I can sit in the kitchen while cooking; & I'm a pretty good driver of those electronic scooter carts at the store (watch out!). My mom's been here with me since the surgery, which is a tremendous blessing. She's been cooking, cleaning, & making sure I am not doing anything I shouldn't be doing...
I was pretty worried that this surgery would not allow me to travel to Ohio this week to be with my family for Thanksgiving. But, I am! Figured out how to pack in a backpack so I don't have to negotiate a rolling suitcase with crutches. And, my mom is on the same flight there with me. I am so thankful to be headed there to celebrate Thanksgiving with my extended family, which we've been doing for the last 30 years.
And, I am very thankful to be going back to work full time on November 28th. It's a great birthday present to be able to go back to a job that I absolutely love & to see my lovely colleagues who I miss so much. I know that I will not be at full speed, but I can do it. I am confident of that:)
Here's to giving thanks. Have a wonderful Thanksgiving with those you love & adore.

Changes

2011-11-05T14:57:00.003-04:00

To say that life has changed in the past few months would be an understatement. After months of agonizing over a situation that was never going to change no matter how hard I tried, I made the decision to leave the church. I realized I was just making myself sick & not serving myself well. I knew I was well on my way to burnout & I didn't want that for myself, so leaving there was the best option for my own sanity. The blessing was being able to move on to something I that I knew would be healing, challenging & life-giving - I am now serving as a chaplain resident at a great hospital. I'm walking this journey with four amazing colleagues, two fantastic supervisors & a score of other chaplains. So far, it has been a wonderful, challenging, gut-wrenching, and beautiful experience. I am tasked with the clinical assignments of oncology & mental health, which are both hard. Also, I've done one of my three week rotations on our palliative care service, which works with patients & families who are facing end of life decisions. I loved it more than anything, even though it's broken my heart more than a few times. The passion of the team of doctors, chaplains, nurse & social worker makes me thankful & grateful for their presence during the hardest times of life. I look forward to my next rotation with them in December/January.

Other changes include moving from a four bedroom home into a 627 square foot downtown apartment. It's enough space for me. I always felt the house was way more than this gal needed & I love that it doesn't take a whole day to get it clean! I now live within walking distance of the central market, a great coffee shop, yummy restaurants, & a great church where I love simply being a part of the community. It's a good place to be. A healing place.

The next change will come on Tuesday. About a month ago, I suffered a hip injury that has plagued me. After many days on crutches, lots of medications, and a failed cortozone shot, I am having surgery. The hard part is not being able to work for awhile, but I need to get this fixed. I've been in a lot of pain. But, there is no guarantee that this will work, but I am willing to take the chance. The recovery process will be difficult, but my parents are coming to help. Of course, I'm scared of the surgery & the pain afterwards, but I am trying to stay positive. Prayers are certainly welcome.

Hopefully, these changes of life will bring me to a better place - a place of healing, a place of happiness, a place where I will regain my courage & confidence in myself.

Heading to #Unco11

2011-05-14T16:17:00.003-04:00

As I write this, I am listening to this amazing song..."pink, fluffy unicorns dancing on rainbows". This might be the most fantastic conference I will ever attend! For those not familar with the Unconference 2011, it is this gathering of people from all over, coming together to share ideas & learn together. It is pretty loosely structured & I must say, there is some quite appealing to that right now. I need some time away & meet up with other emergent/liberal/progressive minded-church folk. So, on Monday morning, I will board the Amtrak train in my backyard (literally, my house sits along the tracks) & head up to Stony Point, NY. I will track my progress on the way.

For now, I must begin the packing process... got my bottle of wine & candy to share, a great geekicorn t-shirt to wear, & a great book to read on the train. So, #Unco11, here I come!

http://unco.us/185/document-your-journey/

Easter Sunday: I Have Seen the Lord!

2011-04-29T12:52:00.001-04:00

My Easter sermon for this year. Love this story!

***
I Have Seen the Lord!
John 20.1-18

Easter is here! I love this day. I love the beauty of colorful flowers, the crisp white fabric adorning the Table & the cross. I fondly remember the Easters of my childhood –the sanctuary of my childhood church adorned with banners hanging high & filled with paper butterflies. There was such a sense of joy in the air. The waiting of Lent was over. It was time for a celebration. And, so we celebrate today & here once again the story of Christ’s resurrection. It is told through the eyes of a woman, who saw the Lord.

We have been living the story throughout this Lenten season has we have made the journey with Jesus to Jerusalem. We walked with Christ through these past forty days, encountering Jesus along the way – from the temptations in the desert to meeting Nicodemus in the night to the healing of the blind man to the woman at the well. And, we reflected on where we are & where we are heading. Last Sunday, we waved our palms high & shouted “Hosanna!” just as the crowds of people did so long ago upon Christ’s triumphal entry into the city of Jerusalem. But, then the crowds’ shouts of joy quickly turned into something else. On Thursday, we gathered here, around the Table, to mark his last meal with the disciples & to hear the story of his final days on the earth. Good Friday came, with some of us gathered with others in the community, to reflect on the scene at the cross & Jesus’ burial. Then, we waited, in the silence & the grief. And, our journeying & our waiting have brought us to this day, where we are truly able to exclaim – “Christ is risen! He is risen indeed!”

Today’s part of the story begins right where we left off – at the tomb. Mary Magdalene was the first one to arrive there, even before the sun rose. She was searching for Jesus. She had come to finish the preparations of his body for burial. But, she also came to grieve the loss of her friend, her teacher, who had been killed. However, upon her arrival, she was startled to discover the stone was rolled away & his body was nowhere in sight.

Her first instinct is to run from the empty tomb to find the disciples. When she found Simon Peter & another disciple, she proclaimed “he is gone…they have taken him out of the tomb & we don’t know where they have laid him.” And so, the two disciples ran towards the tomb to see it for themselves. They looked all around the empty tomb, saw the linen burial cloths lying around on the ground, & they returned to their homes, in a state of mourning over the loss of their beloved teacher, who truly was indeed gone.

Then, Mary Magdalene returns to the tomb, filled with deep sadness for she believes Jesus is gone. She is weeping outside of the tomb & when she is finally able to look inside, she discovered that she was not alone. There were two angels who ask her – why are you weeping? Mary still does not believe Jesus was raised from the dead, so she tells them they have taken away the body of the Lord. And in her deep grief & unbelief, she turns around, only to encounter the risen Christ right in front of her eyes, but she does not recognize him at first. Jesus asks her the same question as the angels – why are you weeping? And, then she asks him where he took the body, assuming that this stranger is the gardener. He said her name, Mary, & it was then that she recognized him as Jesus. What a sight it must have been for her – to encounter the risen Christ! And, her initial reaction is to cling to her beloved teacher, but he instructs her to go forth & tell others he has gone to be with God.
And, so she goes out & shares the good news of his resurrection with all those who would listen. Her proclamation of “I have seen the Lord” is such a powerful witness. She says what she knows to be true, & even though she desperately wanted to cling to him, she was able to go forth to share the good news. Mary, on that day so long ago, spoke the eternal truth we praise to this day – life does indeed conquer death.

Although our reading ends here today, the story is far from over. We live as an Easter people, as people of the resurrection. And, as resurrection people, we are called to live as witnesses to this miracle story. We are called to share the good news that we have seen the Lord! We are to proclaim our faith to whoever will listen to us. For, we are indeed the body of Christ & the story continues on with each one of us.

Our faith is one of action – of serving the needs we see in our community & in our world. We do so through our efforts of feeding the hungry through the Parkesburg Food Cupboard & Mobile Food Pantry. We do so through growing nourishing veggies in our garden & giving them away to others. We do so through teaching our children, our youth, & each other in our Sunday School classes each week. We do so through visiting each other in our homes, sending notes of care to those in hospital or who are homebound. We do so through caring about each other, in more ways than one. And, we do so by seeing the face of Christ in every single person we encounter in our daily lives. In doing so, we will indeed see the Lord.

So, while we celebrate the glorious day of Christ’s resurrection today, it does not end here. The story continues on with us. Mary Magdalene was able to share the new with all whom she saw that day, boldly proclaiming that Christ had indeed risen from the dead. What a powerful message for the world. May we be so bold as to share it too. For indeed, Christ has risen! He has risen indeed! Alleluia! Alleluia! Amen.

JwJ: Ecumenical Good Friday

2011-04-29T12:48:00.002-04:00

This is the sermon I preached at our Community Good Friday service. It was an ecumenical service with PC(USA), United Methodist, Mennonite, American Baptist, & AME clergy participating. I always enjoy being with my colleagues & worshipping together as the one Body of Christ.

***
Were You There?
John 19.1-42

The hymn “Were You There”, when sung on this night, reminds me of the power of Good Friday. The verses are full of haunting images of Christ’s final moments here on earth – from those souls gathered around the cross, to the nails being pierced through his hands, to when he is carried away to his tomb. Whenever I close my eyes, surrounded by these images, I can place myself there in the scene on the top of the hill as one who was present at Christ’s crucifixion. And, this is what the hymn is meant to do – to transport us into a space where we can be present & very much involved in the event itself. And, so I invite you this night, to be transported into this space – into the scene of Christ’s final hours on that fateful night so long ago.

Sung: Were you there when they crucified my Lord? Were you there when they crucified my Lord? Oh, sometimes it causes me to tremble, tremble, tremble. Were you there when they crucified my Lord?

The words “Crucify him! Crucify him!” echo out into Jerusalem. The people, the soldiers, the chief priests yell these harsh words as Jesus is paraded right in front of them. They want absolutely nothing to do with this man, who just days earlier entered into the city to shouts of “Hosanna!” & to claims of being the Messiah, the king they were waiting for. But, now the tables have been turned completely, & the people are revolting against him. It did not matter what Pilate said or what he found out from Jesus. It did not matter that Pilate presented their King to the people – they already made their minds up. They shouted at the top of their lungs once again – “Away with him! Away with him! Crucify him!” The chief priests denied his role as their king, instead pledging their loyalty to the emperor. Pilate had no choice at this point, but to hand Jesus over for his crucifixion.

Where are you in this story? Are you there, amidst the angry crowd of voices? Are you there, voicing your denial of Jesus as King? Where are you? Where is your voice?

Sung: Were you there when they nailed him to the tree? Were you there when they nailed him to the tree? Oh, sometimes it causes me to tremble, tremble, tremble. Were you there when they nailed him to the tree?

Now, after Jesus carried his heavy cross up to Golgotha, he was nailed up upon the cross by the soldiers. There was a crowd gathered around & the soldiers decide to cast lots for his clothes. They went after his possessions like a greedy child grabbing for more candy. All dignity was gone. All decency was gone. It was a brutal, savage scene. But, in the middle of it all, there stood the most important women in Jesus’ life – his mother Mary, her sister, & Mary Magdalene. The pain in their eyes & their hearts was intense. The sadness overwhelmed them to see the man they loved deeply, hanging there in front of them, in pain & in agony. And, in the midst of this horrible time, Jesus manages to mutter the words – “here is your mother” to his most beloved disciple. He wanted his mother to be cared for after his death. And, then Jesus knew it was over. He was done. So, the words “I am finished” escaped his mouth as he left the world & gave his spirit to God.

Where are you? Are you there, casting lots for meager possessions? Are you there, in the pain of a mother watching her beloved son die on a cross? Where are you? Where is your voice?

Sung: Were you there when they laid him in the tomb? Were you there when they laid him in the tomb? Oh, sometimes it causes me to tremble, tremble, tremble. Were you there when they laid him in the tomb?

When it was over, it was time to move the body. The soldiers decided to pierce his side to make sure that he was indeed gone. Blood & water poured out from his side, so they knew he was dead. A man, Joseph of Arimathea, along with Nicodemus, took Jesus’ body from the crucifixion scene. They carefully anointed him with spices, wrapped his body in the burial cloths, & solemnly carried him to the tomb. What a strong juxtaposition of the brutal crucifixion & the love & care showed to Christ by these men. They obviously loved him & wanted him to be laid in peace.

Where are you? Are you there, with soldiers piercing his side? Are you there, with the men, lovingly preparing Christ for his burial? Where are you? Where is your voice?

And, with the tomb closed, it was over. There were no more words spoken. Silence took over & the grief began.

Journey with Jesus: A Triumphant Entry

2011-04-17T07:41:00.005-04:00

A sermon for Palm Sunday
Matthew 21.1-11

I don’t know about you, but I do love a good parade. There is something interesting about people from all walks of life, strangers to one another, gathering along the sides of streets – all waiting for the parade. I love watching the faces of children, waiting with growing excitement for what is to come. Parades are filled with wonder, excitement, happiness – it is almost like a time set apart from the harshness & hardness of the rest of the world. It is a space where cares seem to dissipate, worries evaporate, & the power of wonder overcomes us. I’ve not seen too many upset people at a parade, outside of the occasional over-tired child.

In our continued journey with Jesus, we come to the point in the narrative where Jesus comes into Jerusalem, atop a donkey, riding in a different sort of parade. There are people who have traveled from throughout the countryside, lined the streets with great anticipation, & when he arrives, throw cloths & palm branches onto the ground before him, all the while shouting, “Hosanna!”. What a scene it must have been! Scores of people, from all walks of life & all ages, children smiling up in wonder, adults filled with excitement for the coming of the King, the Messiah they’ve come to know through healings & teachings, the elderly – coming out to see this man who has healed many, wondering if they too could be healed. It was a triumphant entry of a King for sure – filled with power, excitement, hope & wonder for the people. However, for Jesus, this was a different kind of parade.

He already knew what was ahead of him on the journey - he was indeed heading towards the end of his life on earth. He knew these people wouldn’t be shouting “Hosanna!” very much longer. He knew it would become painful in the coming days & there was much to still share with his disciples. And, he needed to share the message that he was indeed the Messiah, the king – the one whom God sent to save the world from the mess they were in. He rode into town that fateful day upon a donkey-colt, which was to fulfill what the prophet Zechariah said, “Tell the daughter of Zion. Look, your king is coming to you, humble, & mounted on a donkey & on a colt, the foal of a donkey.”

Jesus’ triumphant entry into Jerusalem marks the beginning of Holy Week & the beginning of his last days here on earth. Within a few short days, the cries of hosanna will fade into cries of “crucify him!” Oh, how quickly things change! How quickly we can lose sight of it all! And, it begs the question of what were the crowds seeking that day in Jerusalem. Why did they herald his entrance then turn & participate in his violent departure? Maybe it was the allure of this “celebrity” figure coming into town that drew them to the streets that day. Maybe they wanted something to happen right then & there – that they would be saved from the rule of the Empire. Or maybe, they never really understood Jesus’ message in the first place. My guess – a little of all the above.

We can be like the people, the crowd who lined the streets of Jerusalem. We love the idea of worshipping the One who came to save us with our palms waving & shouts of hosanna. We love being in the presence of someone great & powerful. But, at the end of the parade, we simply go back to normal life. The pomp & circumstance is over. The allure is gone. Normal sets in. We go back to work, back to school, back to the stresses of everyday life. And, even though it is Holy Week, we don’t continue to walk with Jesus. We walk our own paths instead. And, then suddenly, we find the crowds again – this time at scene of Pilate interrogating Christ Jesus & when asked what he should do with this man – we shout “crucify him!” Wow, how quickly things can change. It is like we have forgotten the celebration of Jesus’ riding into town, surrounded by palm waving & shouts of hosanna. We simply go along with the crowd.

This happens to us all the time. And, often it is easier to go along with the crowd then to stand out. But, that is what we are called to do. We are called to worship Jesus Christ as our Lord, the Messiah who came to live among us, who taught us how we should live our lives. We are called to wave our palms high & shout hosanna, not just for a moment on Palm Sunday, but every moment of every day! We are called to resist the temptation of simply going back to normal life after we worship on Sunday mornings in this place. And, we are called to continue to walk this journey with Jesus during this Holy Week. The story is not over yet.

This is the great gift of Holy Week – a time set apart to walk with Christ. We are to walk these final steps with him. I urge you strongly not to miss out on this week. Don’t miss out on this walk with Christ. Come Thursday night, where we will sit at table, just as his disciples did for the final time. We will hear the accounts of his final days, through word & song. Come Friday night, to touch the cross & feel the pain of Christ’s crucifixion. Spend time on Saturday reflecting on the events of the week, but also praying for what will come next. For, on Sunday, we will celebrate the glorious resurrection of Jesus Christ, with our bright colored flowers & loud shouts of “Alleluia! He is risen!” But, we are not there yet. The procession continues. Be here on Thursday. Be with the community on Friday. Be a part of the abundance of the community gathered. Come to meet Jesus. Stay with this procession as it heads towards the cross.

The triumphant entry of Jesus is a powerful time in this journey. But, the journey continues this week. May you resist the temptation to simply go about this week as normal. May you feel the power of this Holy Week, as each of these days are indeed holy time to be with Christ. May you meet Jesus along the way. May you stay with the procession, stay with the community - touch the cross, & let it carry you into the promise of new life. Let us walk together this week, as a community who follows Christ & proclaims him as our Lord & Savior. Amen.

Journey with Jesus: Days 7 & 8

2011-03-16T16:11:00.003-04:00

Since late last week, I've been thinking about the people in Japan. I cannot even begin to imagine what it must be like to have your whole lives destroyed in a matter of moments. And, then be living in utter fear of a large scale nuclear accident. It is completely unfathomable for those us who have never been in that position before.

I can remember the scenes of utter destruction in Mississippi after Hurricane Katrina. As we drove down streets, all that was left were concrete slabs where homes used to stand & large piles of debris. We walked down one street, charged with cleaning up debris in front of homes. We picked up small pieces of people's lives. I can only imagine what the clean up effort will be like in Northern Japan. Hard doesn't even begin to describe it.

So, I hold them in my prayers. All the relief workers, the survivors, those who are seeking the whereabouts of family & friends, those working in the nuclear plant to avert a major accident. May God hold them close.

Journey with Jesus: Reshaping (Day 6)

2011-03-15T10:44:00.003-04:00

I will fully admit that I am not doing as well as I wished with this whole blogging each day thing. But, I am working on it! So, here's a post about yesterday.

This past weekend, I spent time down in Maryland & DC with some dear friends I made when I was an intern at a church there. I absolutely love going down there - seeing old hangout places, spending time with friends, eating good food at places near & dear to my heart. It was a good time & I was able to clear my mind a bit. However, it was also daylight savings weekend - spring forward...not fun at all! On Saturday, I made a decision to spend one more night there & travel home early Sunday morning. I was EXHAUSTED! But, made it home in time for Sunday stuff...but a nap was in order later on.

So, that gets me to yesterday (day 6). I had rescheduled my regular iron infusion from Friday to yesterday morning at 8am (wow, I am nuts). Glad I had my cup of coffee because we ran into some strange issues with my insurance. The system was down, so they were unable to confirm my eligibility. Yep. After many phone calls & delays, I did get my infusion after all. But, it was not the most ideal start to the day.

After the infusion, I went to get my hair cut (again!). A few weeks ago, I got it cut, but it was awful. So, a great stylist said she could reshape it for me. And, she did & it is fabulous. A little reshaping does wonders for hair & wonders for the soul. I felt much better when I left the salon. Then, I had lunch with a great friend - another example of reshaping my day. We laughed, shared stories about life & work, & enjoyed a great lunch. Then, I hit the mall for a little bit of retail therapy & chocolate ice cream:)

My day went from pretty crummy to pretty good. It was reshaped, in more ways than one. I think that is what Lent is about - reshaping & recentering ourselves, all with God's help. So, I am grateful for yesterday - the good & bad. It was a good day, indeed.

Journey with Jesus: Tempting Times (Day 5)

2011-03-15T10:41:00.002-04:00

Journey with Jesus: Tempting Times
March 13, 2011
Text: Matthew 4.1-11

Lent has officially begun – our journey with Jesus for forty days & nights. We gathered here on Wednesday to hear the scriptures that proclaim our need for God & we were marked with the sign of ashes upon our foreheads – an outward sign of our mortality & penitence. And, so as we move forward in this season, we will encounter Jesus in different places & situations, as walk with him on his journey towards Jerusalem. And, today we find Jesus in the wilderness, after having fasted for forty days & nights, facing temptations from the adversary.

When we think of temptation, our minds often drift towards the pushing of the snooze button, seeing a yummy pastry in front of us, drinking one more cup of coffee, speeding around a slow car in an effort to get there faster. For some, temptation comes in the form of seeking power, a drive for more wealth, desire for another person, even if they are already in a relationship. Temptation is strong in our society – it surrounds us each day, from the time we wake until our heads hit the pillow at night. We are bombarded with images of what we should buy next - what will make us rich or more beautiful or stronger. It is nearly impossible to go through the day without being faced with some sort of tempting situation. And, we are almost immune to it all – it seems like a normal part of life.

And, so in these tempting times we live in, we can be easily swept up into it all, & then we look up, only to find ourselves in the midst of the wilderness of competing voices. We have lost our center, our balance, & our way out. How do we recapture our center? How do we regain our balance? How do we find our way out of the wilderness?

I believe the key is found in the experiences of Jesus with the adversary. Jesus faces three temptations, but they all have a similar theme – the allure of power. In the first scene, the adversary tells Jesus to turn stone into bread. While Jesus is pretty hungry, following a forty day fast, he does not give in. Instead, he quotes a familiar line from the book of Deuteronomy, “one does not live by bread alone.” While bread does sustain us & would nourish a very hungry Jesus, it is not worth giving into this temptation. God is the ultimate nourishment – the one who gives us our daily bread. God holds the power here, not the adversary’s temptation.

In scene two, the adversary takes Jesus up to a high place, where they were able to see out across a vista of the world. All Jesus would need to do is to worship the adversary, rather than God, & it would all be his – all the glory, authority, & power. For some of us, this would be a strong temptation – we see this playing out in various nations across the globe. There are many who seek the power & the glory, no matter the cost to other people or other countries. The temptation is just too great. But, it is not too great for Jesus. Again, he quotes scripture as his response – “it is written, ‘worship the Lord your God, & serve only him.” We are all called to worship God alone, not the world & not the allure of power.

Finally, we get to the third & final scene. Jesus is taken up to the high pinnacle of the temple & told to just jump – jump off & if he truly was the Son of God, he would not suffer any injury. I am not sure if we would do this one – just jump without any reassurance of safety. The adversary even goes as far as quoting scripture himself from the book of Isaiah, “he will command his angels concerning you, to protect you” & “on their hands they will bear you up, so that you will not dash your foot against a stone.” It seems the adversary has caught onto what Jesus was doing, thus trying to convince him with the words of scripture. I must admit, this was a pretty good argument for falling into the temptation – words of scripture & faith that God will protect. However, once again, Jesus is not willing to do it. He says, “do not put the Lord your God to the test.” Even though, God helps us in our times of trouble, we are not to test God. God is already there, there is no real need to test that.

So, the adversary is done. Jesus resisted all of the temptations placed before him. And, the key to it all was relying on the Word of God. It is about trusting in God’s presence with us & that our relationship with God will keep us centered. Temptations occur & we can easily give into them. And, we do sometimes. But, this is the time – this Lenten season – to truly take stock of where we are, what wilderness we find ourselves in, what temptations we are confronted with - & to re-center & find our balance again. This happens when we fully rely on God & not on the allures of power, wealth, or happiness in the world. Those are only fleeting moments, but ultimately leave us right where we are – in the midst of the wilderness.

Even though, we live in the midst of these tempting times, we can trust in the power of God, not the power of the world. And, so as we move through this Lenten season, may you find the Word of God a comforting place to go in times of distress & times of temptation. May you take the time to examine where you are & the time to re-center your lives back on God. In the words of poet Ted Loder, this prayer is one I offer you today –

Eternal One,
Silence from whom my come;
Questioner from whom my questions arise;
Lover from whom all my loves are hints;
Disturber in whom alone I find my rest;
Mystery in whose depths I find healing & myself;
Enfold me now in your presence;
Restore to me your peace;
Renew me through your power;
And ground me in your grace.

Amen.

*Prayer from Guerrillas of Grace, by Ted Loder

Journey with Jesus: Days 2 & 3

2011-03-11T10:26:00.002-05:00

Yesterday, after a meeting with the area pastors, I got in my car & drove down to the Maryland/DC area for a few days away. This was something that I needed in order to clear my mind. So, today I am in the city. Right now, I am writing this from a coffee shop in Dupont Circle.

I love coming into the city of DC. It is one of my favorite places to walk around & a great location for people watching. I grabbed a seat facing the window out onto New Hampshire Ave, so I can watch the people go by. I wonder where all of these people are going - business meetings, to their places of work, tourists, students, & of course, how many actually work in the federal government. I always hope that I will run into a DC celebrity - I've had luck in the past - Ted Kennedy in Georgetown, Rudy Guiliani near the White House, & former VP Cheney's motorcade leaving the White House. So, maybe my luck will continue today!

My day will consist of writing my sermon for Sunday, a great deal of people watching, hitting up the great Kramerbooks here in Dupont, & if I have time, maybe a quick stroll through the National Gallery of Art. I love days like this - fresh scenery, different people, & a chance to clear my head as Lent begins.

Journey with Jesus: Lent Begins

2011-03-09T15:28:00.009-05:00

"Yet even now, says the Lord, return to me with all your heart, with fasting, with weeping, & with mourning; rend your hearts & not your clothing. Return to the Lord your God..."

- Joel 2.12

Today is Ash Wednesday. The day when we stop, when we are marked with the sign of ashes upon our foreheads, & the day we begin our annual pilgrimage with Christ towards Jerusalem. For the next 40 days & 40 nights (plus Sundays), we will take the time for self-examination & reflection. It is a wonderful time to delve deeply within ourselves & into God's Word.

Many folks will commit to giving something up for Lent - like chocolate, alcohol, social networking, meat, etc. While I think these are wonderful commitments, I am of the camp that believes in adding a spiritual practice which will strengthen & deepen my relationship with myself & with God. This year, I am committing to writing daily on this blog - whether it is a reflection on scripture, a photo of something that catches my eye, or my reflections on what is going on the world around me. I will also be posting my sermons for the next 5 Sundays in Lent, plus my homilies for Maundy Thursday & Good Friday. I want to commit myself to more time for reflection & this way, there are people to keep me accountable.

This is my second Ash Wednesday as pastor of my church. Six lovely ladies of my church came to our noon service today. I love these moments - prayers, reading the scriptures for today, time of silence for reflection, & saying to them as I place the mark on their foreheads - "from dust you were created & to dust you shall return." And, I have the honor of doing it again this evening after our midweek fellowship dinner. Despite the stress & the frustration that comes with ministry, it is these moments that remind me of why I am a pastor. Thanks be to God.

Snow & Sickness

2011-01-27T15:08:00.003-05:00

As you can see, more snow has arrived in Eastern PA! I think there is probably about 12 or 13 inches out there. It certainly does make for pretty pictures & lovely scenery to look at from inside the warmth of my home.

The snow has also allowed me time to recover from my latest bout with illness. At the end of last week, I thought I was coming down with a cold. Well, not so much. I actually have some weird, rare virus that has attacked my thyroid. And, it landed me in the hospital overnight this week to treat some pretty bad dehydration. I am certainly glad to be on the mend, but it will take some time to get back to 100%.

Snow & sickness do remind me that things do not always go as planned. Those of us who are planners (yours truly) really revel in our plans, our calendars, our to-do lists. But, when 12 inches of snow falls & you get sick, you are forced to change plans & take time to rest. So, that's what I am doing - intentional rest, lots of fluids, & taking time to enjoy the scenery.

Reflection on violence and civility

2011-01-10T14:26:00.004-05:00

Over these last 48 hours or so, since I first heard the news of the horrific shooting in Tucson, Arizona, I've been thinking about the heated language we use in this country. So many of the political commentators on cable news, on the radio, on the internet, from all parts of the ideological spectrum, use such harsh tones & harsh words, often times filled with violent images or undertones. Not to mention those in elected offices, those who run in the elections, those who support & campaign for candidates. It is heated, it is often ugly, and threatening.

And, we've just gone along, like nothing was out of the ordinary. Believing our words do not have consequences is commonplace now. But, our words DO have consequences.

Whether or not this young man was influenced by the heated rhetoric & discourse plagueing our country, it is time for a change. Big time change. We cannot continue to speak to each other or about each other in this manner. Civility is an absolute must. Just because we have the right to free speech does not mean we should use heated & violent language & images in our discourse with one another, on television or radio, or in print. I am all for free speech, but respectful & tolerant free speech.

We owe this to ourselves, to each other, and to honor the memory of all who are lost to senseless outbursts of violence. Civility is of utmost importance. I am committing to this and I hope you will too.

Whose We Are

2011-01-09T09:57:00.001-05:00

My sermon for this day, influenced by the events in Tucson yesterday. May the healing waters flow over & over & over us all.

***
Whose We Are
Preached at First Presbyterian, Parkesburg
January 9, 2011
Text: Matthew 3.13-17

For me, there is no better place in the world to reflect than on the beach. There is something powerful about walking down across the sand, watching the water flow in and flow back out, sometimes crashing ashore loudly or quietly rippling across the sand. And, if you are watching closely, you will see the water bring things ashore, but also take things away. A couple of weeks ago, I was walking on the beach of Tybee Island in Georgia, just watching the water flow in and out, over and over again. And, all I felt was a strong sense of peace washing over me – a peace that allowed me to let go of all the stuff I was holding onto, and know deeply that God was taking it all away from me, just as the waters of the Atlantic were taking the tiny shells back out to sea. Not only that, being at the shore allows me to think carefully about who I am, mostly because I am away from all the craziness of my regular life. And, the water reminds me that I am constantly being re-created in the image of God.

I don’t know how Jesus really felt about water, but it seems to me that he had a close relationship with the power of the water. And, water plays a significant role throughout the whole of our scripture – from the waters of creation, to the waters of the flood, to water springing forth from the rock, the parting of the sea – the water shapes the landscape of the scripture & over and over again, shapes the lives of God’s people. There is something truly wonderful and mysterious about the power of water in our lives.

And, today we reflect upon what is commonly referred to as Baptism of the Lord Sunday, where we commemorate Jesus’ baptism in the river Jordan. He went to the river, down to the waters, where he found his cousin John, the one who would baptize him. John was a little taken aback by his dear cousin’s request, since he was the One, the Messiah. John certainly did not feel worthy enough to perform such an intimate and powerful act as baptism. He wanted to be baptized by Jesus, not the other way around. But, Jesus simply said to him, “Let it be so now; for it is proper for us in this way to fulfill all righteousness.” His words of “let it be” echo his mother Mary’s words to the angel before his birth. She knew then & Jesus knew the Spirit was coming down & in that place, fulfilling God’s Word & God’s promise to the world.

So, the two men walk down into the river Jordan, this powerful & mythical river where so much history flowed for centuries before, and John performed the baptism by lowering Jesus into the water. And as Jesus was coming up from beneath the waters, the sky suddenly opened up & “he saw the Spirit of God descending like a dove & alighting on him”. This was certainly no ordinary baptism! It was a scene of deep peace and of clarity for Jesus’ mission that was ahead of him, for his baptism marked the beginning of his public ministry here on earth.

The most powerful part of this story comes in the final verse – “And a voice from heaven said, ‘this is my Son, the Beloved, with whom I am well pleased.” A beautiful public statement of who Jesus was & whose he was - the Son of God. His identity was made clear & it confirmed his ministry here on earth.

These words of “with whom I am well pleased” are ones that God speaks of us. We are all beloved children of God, with whom God is well pleased. Children of God, it is who we are. And, this identity we have from God calls us into service, just as it called Jesus into service here on earth. The waters that flowed over us in our baptism confirmed that in us, and those waters continually do so each and every day.

Six beloved children of God died yesterday in Tucson, Arizona, and 13 more are fighting for their lives, after a gunman senselessly open fire during a gathering with Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords. Representative Giffords is committed to service on this earth through her efforts to work for her constituents there in the Tucson area. Federal Judge John Roll was committed to serving this country and serving the needs of the people. 30 year old Gabe Zimmermann served his country well & was committed to serving the people of Arizona on behalf of Congresswoman Giffords, just as he had coordinated yesterday’s meet & greet event. Even 9 year old Christina Green, a light to her family and her friends, whose service was tragically cut way too short. All 19 who were involved in this senseless act of violence were and are children of God, with whom God is well pleased.

Waters are flowing through the tears of those who mourn the dead and pray for the injured. Waters are flowing from the heart of God, as God welcomed those who died home into eternal life. Waters must flow to bring about peace, instead of hate and anger. Waters must flow to change the ways we speak to each other and about each other, so we can stop the flow of blood of innocent people caught in the crossfire of anger and hate.

We are all called to do our part to change the world we live in, to bring about God’s shalom. This is part of who we are as beloved children of God. Those waters that flowed at our baptism sealed us with God’s love and grace, give us the strength to work for peace in our world. We must work towards ending senseless acts of violence that continue to haunt us and cause such pain. And, we must honor the memory of those who were lost yesterday, but also honor those who are fighting for their lives this morning, and commit to changing our words and our actions, so that we do not promote violence, but instead promote shalom, God’s peace.

Beloved children of God, on this day, as we remember the baptism of Jesus Christ, let us commit ourselves again to our calling – to work for peace, to treat one another with respect, and to let the waters flow over us and over our world. May the waters wash away the blood of the innocent. May the waters of healing flow. May the waters wash over us and cleanse us again. Cleanse us all, O God. Amen.

Year in Review 2010

2010-12-27T07:32:00.004-05:00

1. Was this a good year for you? Yes, I had a pretty amazing year filled with some high points. But, there were some rough spots. However, I've learned so much about myself through it all.

2. What did you do this year that you'd never done before? Lead communion, baptized a baby, performed a wedding, moved into a house, became a pastor...a year of many firsts!

3. Did you keep your New Years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year? I vowed to be happy in 2010 & for the most part, I was. For 2011, I want to fully live my life as a fabulous 30 year old woman!

4. What was your favorite moment of the year? My ordination in February

5. What was your least favorite moment of the year? My examination on the floor of Presbytery - especially when screaming & fighting erupted on the floor while I was out of the room. Disappointing to hear it all.

6. What would you like to have next year that you lacked this year? More confidence in my abilities as a pastor

7. What date from this year will remain etched upon your memory, and why? February 5th - my ordination as a Minister of Word & Sacrament in the PC(USA)

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? surviving the first year as a pastor:)

9. What was your biggest failure? Stressing out way too much!

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? Yes. In April, I was diagnosed with Celiac disease after being hospitalized for a bad reaction to an iron infusion. I had severe iron deficency anemia as well. In September, I fell in the shower & suffered a mild concussion.

11. Whose behavior merited celebration? Jane DeFord, the fabulous moderator of my Presbytery who stood beside me through this first year. She is the best mentor a girl could ask for!

12. Did you breakup with anyone this year? nope

13. Did you make any new friends this year? I did. Lots of great people in my Presbytery.

14. Did you travel outside of the U.S. this year? Not this year. Hopefully...

15. How many different states did you travel to this year? Tennessee, North Carolina, Georgia, Ohio, Maryland, Washington DC.

16. Did you lose anybody close to you this year? No, thanks be to God.

17. Did you miss anybody in the past year? My dear friends from seminary, Alper

18. What was your favorite movie you saw this year? The sad thing is that I can't think of one, but I am sure there was one...

19. What was your favorite song? Blackberry Time by Luka Bloom

20. What was your favorite album? The Canadian Tenors

21. Favorite TV show? The Daily Show

22. What was the best book you read? American Freak Show - Willie Geist

23. How many concerts did you see this year? none:(

24. What was the funniest moment of this year? having my neighbor's cat Damian learn that he could come into my house. He's too much.

25. What did you want and get? I wanted to lose weight & it happened. I feel healthier than ever before.

26. What's one thing you wish had happened this year? I wish I had more of a social life

27. Did you do anything you are ashamed of this year? Perhaps, but why focus on the negative?

28. How much money did you spend this year? see next question...

29. Where did most of your money go? Well, I bought a new car & new computer, along with new bedroom furniture & a bunch of stuff for my house

30. What was the best thing you bought? My fabulous car - 2010 Ford Focus

31. What was your most embarrassing moment of the year? Falling in my shower & suffering a concussion.

32. If you could go back in time to any moment of this year, what would it be? The moment when I officially became a Minister of Word & Sacrament. It was an amazing feeling.

33. What did you get really, really, really excited about? Going to the National Cathedral in DC to hear David Axelrod speak.

34. What song will always remind you of this year? Blackberry Time

35. Compared to this time last year, are you
-happier or sadder? Happier
-thinner or fatter? Thiner
-richer or poorer? Richer in more ways than one

36. What do you wish you'd done more of? Spent more time exploring the area beyond Lancaster & West Chester

37. What do you wish you'd done less of? Worrying & stressing out

38. How did you be spend Christmas? I was in my house, drinking cups of coffee & watching movies. The week after Christmas, I spent with family & friends in Savannah

39. Did you fall in love this year? yes.

40. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I turned the big 3-0 this year. I celebrated with family in Ohio. On my actual birthday, I was flying home to PA

41. What one thing that would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? Having a partner in life to share all of this with

42. How would you describe your personal fashion concept this year? Moving from student mode into professional mode. Lots of pearls!

43. What kept you sane? God, family, friends, red wine, days off

44. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Rachel Maddow. She is amazing. Also, Mika Brezenski. Got to meet her this year. Pretty amazing.

45. Who was the best new person you met? My friend Tim Dooner.

46. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned this year: Stay true to who you are. Don't try to be who others want you to be.

47. What are your plans for the next year? Go to New York City, two weeks in Montreat this coming summer, remain happy

48. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:

Everything is possible in God's time

But nothing is for sure

All our hurts to wade through

And we still find

Blackberry time

Sermon for Christmas Eve 2010

2010-12-23T16:10:00.003-05:00

This is my first time preaching on Christmas Eve. I am so looking forward to celebrating with my church folk tomorrow night. Merry Christmas!

God’s Gracious Gift
Preached at First Presbyterian, Parkesburg
December 24, 2010 – Christmas Eve
Text: Luke 2.1-20

In those days a decree went out from Emperor Augustus that all the world should be registered. This was the first registration and was taken while Quirinius was governor of Syria. All went to their own towns to be registered. Joseph also went from the town of Nazareth in Galilee to Judea, to the city of David called Bethlehem, because he was descended from the house and family of David. He went to be registered with Mary, to whom he was engaged and who was expecting a child. While they were there, the time came for her to deliver her child. And she gave birth to her firstborn son and wrapped him in bands of cloth, and laid him in a manger, because there was no place for them in the inn.

In that region there were shepherds living in the fields, keeping watch over their flock by night. Then an angel of the Lord stood before them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. But the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid; for see—I am bringing you good news of great joy for all the people: to you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, who is the Messiah, the Lord. This will be a sign for you: you will find a child wrapped in bands of cloth and lying in a manger.” And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host, praising God and saying, “Glory to God in the highest heaven, and on earth peace among those whom he favors!” When the angels had left them and gone into heaven, the shepherds said to one another, “Let us go now to Bethlehem and see this thing that has taken place, which the Lord has made known to us.” So they went with haste and found Mary and Joseph, and the child lying in the manger. When they saw this, they made known what had been told them about this child; and all who heard it were amazed at what the shepherds told them. But Mary treasured all these words and pondered them in her heart. The shepherds returned, glorifying and praising God for all they had heard and seen, as it had been told them.

As a lover of stories, this might be my favorite one. This story has been told for generations upon generations - in different spots across the globe; in various languages; in church sanctuaries, open fields, in rooms filled with loads of people or rooms with just a few souls; told from memory, read from Bibles with pages worn & tattered, or those with shiny, glimmering gold edges; from pulpits to pastures, it is the well-known, beloved birth story of the Christ child.

Many of you who have attended Christmas Eve services for years might even be able to recite this story by heart. Or, when you begin to hear the words, “In those days, a decree went out from Emperor Augustus…” you automatically know which story it is. And, it is stories such as this one that warm our hearts & make us feel the peace & comfort of this night, despite the chill.

And, we really do need this story. We live in a world that is fast-paced, instantaneous, and where the real & the not-so-real blend together in such a way, that is becoming increasingly more difficult to distinguish between the two. And, so we crave reality. We crave it deep in our hearts – we long for something as pure and as real as the birth of Christ, the incarnation of God.

Christmas has become a commericialized, jazzed-up production. I am reminded of one of my favorite movies of this season – A Charlie Brown Christmas. In the film, Charlie Brown has become pretty disgusted with the way the world is celebrating Christmas – from lighting contests, to overblown Christmas play productions, to his sister Sally’s long list to Santa Claus. When Charlie is charged, along with Linus, to pick out the tree for the play, he returns with the saddest little tree. After receiving much criticism, Charlie Brown wails, “Does anyone know the real meaning of Christmas?” Then, come Linus’ monologue about the true meaning of Christmas – the story of these lowly shepherds in the fields and the angel appears to them to say: “Do not be afraid; for see—I am bringing you good news of great joy for all the people: to you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, who is the Messiah, the Lord. This will be a sign for you: you will find a child wrapped in bands of cloth and lying in a manger.” And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host, praising God and saying, “Glory to God in the highest heaven, and on earth peace among those whom he favors!”

As Linus so eloquently points out, the real meaning of Christmas is God’s gracious gift unto us: Jesus Christ, Emmanuel, God with us. It is not about big, fancy Christmas trees. It is not about big piles of gifts. It is not about picture perfect scenes. It is about Christ. The real story of Christmas. It is about this night, this holy night, where we pause in joy and in wonder, for the gift that God has given to us. And, upon hearing the story, yet again, our hearts no longer yearn, but are filled.

And we are able to exclaim from on high: Alleluia! For unto us this night, a son is born, Emmanuel, God with us. Thanks be to God. Amen.

Civility

2010-10-11T18:33:00.002-04:00

Last Tuesday, I was in the Washington National Cathedral, listening to a fabulous panel of speakers sharing their reflections on the need for civility in the public discourse. The panelists were David Axelrod (senior advisor to Pres. Barack Obama), Joshua Bolton (chief of staff to former Pres. George W. Bush), Senator Susan Collins (R-ME), Rev. Dr. Barry Black (Senate chaplain), Michael Beschloss (presidental historian), and Bob Schieffer (CBS News). It was an honor to listen to each of them speak about their thoughts & experiences of the lack of civility within our government & one another, especially over the last few years. I was struck by the commonality between Mr. Axelrod & Mr. Bolton's experiences within the White House dealing with the lack of cooperation and willingness to listen to others when working on important issues. I was also struck by Dr. Black's reflections on his work at the US Senate - he holds a weekly prayer breakfast that is attended by many on both sides of the aisle, as well as a weekly Bible study where members share their own faith journey stories with one another. What a powerful witness of connection and trust that does not seem to exist on the Senate floor, not to mention throughout our country. (I must admit - I really want to take Dr. Black's job at some point...being the Senate chaplain would be an amazing experience! We shall see what God has planned for this minister...)

Over the past week, I've been thinking about and chewing on this idea of embracing civility, especially with those whom we might disagree with. All over the airwaves, all we hear anymore is candidates attacking each other, using hurtful words about one another. Election seasons are always heated times, but I think we have moved into a new season of incivility that is destroying our abilities to speak with one another & talk about hard issues. I am certainly guilty of calling a candidate for office "a poltical baffoon" and "an unqualified crazy person on the absolute fringe of society". I know this is not helpful and I should be much more tolerant - I consider myself a pretty tolerant individual. And, I believe all of this negative name calling, loud shrilling on television and radio is really impacting our call to be brothers & sisters in Christ.

Today, I was at a lovely lunch gathering with several other area pastors from my Presbytery. We gather monthly at the home of a retired Presbyterian minister & his wife to share a meal and engage in often interesting and thought-provoking conversation on a range of issues. This particular gathering has been going for many, many years. I was invited to join the conversation in February, shortly after arriving here. Today was especially poignent, as the couple are preparing to sell their home & move into a retirement community. Several around the table had been there for over 10 years, sharing the same simple meal of soup & chicken salad, and talking about many different issues. What struck me was the level of civility around the table - it is a safe place to bring our thoughts, our reflections, our experiences, knowing that it was okay. We talked about theology & preaching, especially about how we each approach our preaching preparation and writing. We talked about focus & function statements (made me think of being in Anna Carter Florence's intro to preaching class!), chiasms (memories of Bill Brown!), the homilectical loop, and much more. We all take a different path to our sermon preparation and certainly different approaches to social issues, but we all are able to come to the table. Each of us had a place there and it was safe. And sacred. Holy time spent around a simple meal and great exchanges of ideas. It was a prilivage to be a part of the conversation. I learned a lot and gained wisdom from those who are experienced pastors. I am honored and consider myself blessed to be in their company.

Civility is possible. It is about meeting each other, around a common table, and be honest & open about who we are. That is where it begins.

Fall Reflections

2010-09-29T10:09:00.003-04:00

I took this photo last fall. I was traveling home from my third interview in two weeks & stopped for the afternoon in Montreat. I hiked up the hill to the area where there is small lake which feeds the creek that runs down the mountain to Lake Susan. It is my favorite place in Montreat, because it is quiet and absolutely beautiful, especially in the fall. I walked around the lake, stopping to take photographs of the gorgeous scenery, with the bright leaves shining in the sunlight. As I walked & took photos, I was discerning and talking with God about my future. At that time, I had no idea who would call me to be their pastor. There was nothing else I could do but leave it up to God.

So much has changed in a year. I was called. I moved. My life completely changed. I am thankful, even though life has not been the easiest over the last eight months.

I am sitting here today, looking out my window of my study, watching the leaves on my trees in the backyard. I am reminded of change - with each new season comes change and new opportunities. That is a gift we are given by God and one I needed to be reminded of today. Thanks be to God.

Authenticity & Honesty

2010-09-27T11:04:00.003-04:00

This past week, I was on retreat with other pastors from three area presbyteries. It was such a meaningful time - being in a comfortable space where we could open up about our struggles and dreams about ministry. We could be honest and authentic to who we are, which we often feel we cannot do within our own ministry contexts. I believe that being authentic and honest about ourselves is so important, especially as pastors.

I've been at my church for eight months now, which hasn't been the smoothest time in my life. I've suffered from strange fatigue and heart issues, leading to a diagnosis of celiac disease & iron deficiency. I had a rather interesting introduction to my presbytery, by way of a tough (some might say unfair) examination on the floor - complete with shouting & yelling while I was out of the room. My church is facing an uncertain future in the midst of a tough economy. There was pressure to be a status quo pastor & preacher - try not to rock the boat too much during the first year. But, situations came up where that just became impossible. It's not an ideal situation for a first call pastor, but I love my people. That is bottom line for me. I am not going to bail on them.

And, through all of this, I've discovered myself in new ways. I feel so much more confident in the pulpit, by just listening to my gut and being authentic with my preaching. It has made a world of difference for me and, I hope, for my congregation. I've decided not to let the opinions of a few drown out the rest of the conversation. I am trying to be honest and authentic in all that I do now, because I have nothing to lose. I am going to be myself and I think that is where people connect the most. They want authenticity, honesty, and passion in their pastors.

I want to live with no regrets. So, coming home from a "mountain top" experience, I am committing to being me. Just me.

Sermon 8.29.10: Remembering

2010-09-03T16:19:00.002-04:00

Text: Hebrews 13:1-8

Do you remember where you were five years ago today?

I was moving into my seminary apartment, unpacking boxes in my living room, watching the news, filled with unforgettable images. Little did I know at the time, what I was seeing that day would leave a lasting impact on me and shape me profoundly in so many ways.

Five years ago today, the raging storm known as Katrina slammed into the Gulf Coast, sending massive amounts of water and wind on shore. Five years ago today, people were huddled inside their homes, hotels, shelters all over Mississippi, Alabama, and Louisiana trying to ride out the storm. Five years ago today, thousands were barricaded within the Louisiana Superdome, watching the roof ripping off. Five years ago today, people were watching the water rise and praying it would stop soon. Five years ago today, so many people’s lives would be changed forever.

It has been five years. It’s easy to forget what happened in Louisiana, Mississippi, and Alabama because so much has happened since & the news stopped covering it after a while. However, those who experienced the storm first hand and those who witnessed its aftermath will always remember what happened. We owe it to those who lost their lives in the storm, those who went through it to remember.

Our text from Hebrews says, “Remember those who are in prison, as though you were in prison with them…remember those who are being tortured, as though yourselves were being tortured.” Even though people were not in a prison or being tortured by others, they were imprisoned by a storm, tortured by the overwhelming power of waves and wind. And in reading these words, I remember my experiences in Mississippi and Louisiana during the weeks, months, and years following Katrina.

Just six weeks after the storm hit, I found myself in a car heading down to D’Iberville, Mississippi, a hard hit town near the coast, with six other Columbia students. It was during our midterm week, so after we finished our Old Testament exam, we packed up and headed down the road to see the devastation for ourselves and lend a hand. For the remainder of the week, we lived in a makeshift tent city set up by the Presbyterian Disaster Assistance on a baseball field. We slept on military cots in tents, showered about 20 minutes away at a local gym. We ate our meals at a local community park with storm survivors, city officials, and volunteers alike. I remember sitting in the midst of the people, listening to their stories. I remember drinking water from aluminum cans donated by beer distributor who stopped production of beer for weeks on end – the only clean drinking water available.

And, I remember the smell. I’d never smelled anything like it before and have not smelled anything like it since. I remember driving all over the area, on streets barely passable, looking at scenes I’ve only seen in movies or on the news from overseas. Concrete slabs where homes used to stand – the only evidence people used to live there; debris everywhere, no people around, no birds, no visible signs of life. I remember feeling completely overwhelmed and like it wasn’t even real. But, it was.

One day, our group was assigned the task of cleaning debris on a street. We were told to push all the debris out to the curb so the city dump trucks could remove it. All day, we walked down that street, pushing the stuff to the street. All I could think was we were pushing the contents of people’s homes and lives out to the trash. These were their memories, all mixed together.

We also spent time working at the POD, or the Point of Distribution. There were no stores open in the area, no restaurants, no convenience stores. This was the place where people could come to get food, clean water, cleaning supplies, clothing, and other services. It was basically a large building that used to house a grocery store, which was gutted after the storm and turned into a POD for D’Iberville. I remember seeing the faces of people coming through the line as I handed them cans of food. They looked ragged, tired, sad, yet a glimmer of hope in their eyes. They knew they would be able to eat that night. Their families could eat. The basic needs of food, water, clothing were being met. That was enough for that day.

I remember coming home from Mississippi, just a four hour drive to the north, back to our normal lives. But, life wasn’t normal. The images of what I witnessed remained with me. It shaped my view on how I read scripture, thought about God and the world, and my experience of seminary in a profound way. I don’t think I was ever the same again.

My second trip to Mississippi was in December 2005. This time we were in Gulfport and Long Beach, where the water washed out much of the town. Our group put a new roof on a home for a woman. She had evacuated the town before Katrina hit, and returned when given clearance by the military, but her roof was badly damaged by the wind. I remember that she was profoundly grateful for us coming to help her.

As we were working that week, we came to know another local family – a father, mother, and their three sons. They lost their home in the storm and were now living a FEMA trailer. We spent time listening to their story of what happened – how they lost everything, but how grateful they were to still have each other. Our group took up a collection, some of us went to the store (some actually were open again!) and bought the kids new school supplies and backpacks. We also gave the family some money to help them get on their feet again.

One of the most powerful experiences was going to God’s Katrina Kitchen, a makeshift soup kitchen out on the beach. This was a place where locals, volunteers, anyone could come to get a hot meal. It was completely staffed by volunteers and others, housed in a large tent, and full at every meal. We sat at tables with people from the area, listening to their stories and sharing fellowship with one another.

There was so much damage still, but life was returning again to the area. People were trying to clean up and rebuild their homes, businesses, and lives. It was a long road ahead, but hope was there. God was there.

I returned to the Gulf Coast for the third time in February 2008, returning to the Long Beach neighborhood. I remember what it had looked like 2 years before and it looked so different. Houses had roofs, walls, and people actually lived there again. Life was indeed returning to the area.

I worked with a team on a home for Moses and Miriam. They were living in both a FEMA trailer and the part of Miriam’s home that wasn’t damaged. Although we were there to sand, mud, and prime the drywall in the house, we spent much of our time getting to know them. As a wonderful act of hospitality, Miriam would make food for us each day. At noon, we would gather together for prayer and a wonderful meal of fried chicken, red beans & rice, and cornbread. Most of all, it was the conversation that happened around the table. Moses and Miriam shared their story of surviving the storm. They didn’t have much money before Katrina, and certainly didn’t have much afterwards. But, they were alive and that’s all that mattered to them.

Moses and Miriam were witnesses of what happened to their community. Just as the countless others who survived the storm and tell their stories. I think in telling their stories, it is healing for them. And, I wanted to share the story with you all today, as we remember the power of natural disaster and acknowledge that it could happen again to any of us.

What would you do if your house was suddenly filling with water? What would you do if you found yourself clinging onto a tree or standing on a rooftop with no means of escape? What if you evacuated your town only to come back to find your home no long there, just a concrete slab with your memories scattered?

It is important to be mindful of how this can happen to us at any point, and this did happen to thousands of people five years ago today. But, their stories live on as witnesses to hope in the midst of such tragedy. Life can change in a complete instant – one minute things are normal and the next can bring about a new reality. But, as our text says this morning – “Since God has assured us, ‘I’ll never let you down, never walk off and leave you’, we can boldly quote, God is there, ready to help; I’m fearless no matter what, who or what can get to me?” Even though such tragedy strikes, we can be comforted by the fact that God remains with us through the pain, the aftermath, the rebuilding.

God was there on August 29, 2005 when the water rushed through the streets. God was there when the wind was ripping roofs apart and snapping trees. God was there when boats and helicopters came to rescue the people. God was there when teams of volunteers arrived to begin the long clean up. God is there. God is with them and with us. Thanks be to God.

Sermon 8.22.10: Sabbath Healing

2010-08-22T08:16:00.002-04:00

Preached August 22, 2010 at First Presbyterian of Parkesburg

Luke 13.10-17 Now he was teaching in one of the synagogues on the Sabbath. And just then there appeared a woman with a spirit that had crippled her for eighteen years. She was bent over and was quite unable to stand up straight. When Jesus saw her, he called her over and said, “Woman, you are set free from your ailment.” When he laid his hands on her, immediately she stood up straight and began praising God. But the leader of the synagogue, indignant because Jesus had cured on the Sabbath, kept saying to the crowd, “There are six days on which work ought to be done; come on those days and be cured, and not on the Sabbath day.” But the Lord answered him and said, “You hypocrites! Does not each of you on the Sabbath untie his ox or his donkey from the manger, and lead it away to give it water? And ought not this woman, a daughter of Abraham who Satan bound for eighteen long years, be set free from this bondage on the Sabbath day?” When he said this, all his opponents were put to shame; and the entire crowd was rejoicing at all the wonderful things that he was doing.

Vacation seemed to be a hot topic in the news this past week. The President is on vacation with his family in Martha’s Vineyard for the next week or so. Many in the media have made a big deal about him taking off on vacation during hard economic times, a contentious midterm election season, and pressing domestic and international issues ensuing every day. No matter your particular political beliefs, there is something there – what does it mean to take time off, especially when we are faced with a very busy work and family schedule? There were experts interviewed who said taking vacation time, time away from the everyday pressures, is good for our health – physically and mentally, and I would contend spiritually as well. When we do not take the time away, we can suffer in so many ways.

The woman in our scripture this morning was suffering. She had been bent over, unable to stand up straight for eighteen years. Eighteen long years, she suffered without any relief. Imagine what her world looked like – her line of vision limited to the patch of ground around her feet, having to walk oh so carefully, so she didn’t trip and fall over something; not being able to make deep connections with people through looking at them when she spoke – a whole myriad of problems which set her apart from the rest of the community.

I wonder what made her come to the synagogue that day. Did she always come there? Was it a part of her normal routine? Or did she come because she knew Jesus was there? What is peculiar is she doesn’t ask him to heal her – Jesus noticed her first. He called to her and had her come over to where he was. And, Jesus unbound her from her ailment and she was finally able to stand up again, after eighteen long years. She was healed, by simply allowing herself to be in the presence of Christ.

Of course, the leader of the synagogue was quite upset with the scene they just saw between Jesus and this woman. They were operating under the tradition of Sabbath that does not include doing any kind of healing or work. He was lecturing the crowd about how they needed to come back another day to be healed – it is not proper to heal on the Sabbath. However, the Lord is quick to point out their hypocrisy of untying their animals so they could go for a drink – saying this woman was just as worthy of being unbound from her pain and suffering. Sabbath, to Jesus, is more than simply ceasing from work. It was about healing. It was about being unbound from suffering. It is about creating space to allow God’s healing presence to come to us.

Sabbath is really about freedom from bondage, from being bent down. We all have times in our lives where we feel bent down and bound up by life’s circumstances. What is keeping you bound up and bent down? And, what might it mean to allow God to heal us during our Sabbath time, rather than just simply ceasing from our work?

A friend of mine from seminary recently finished a summer Sabbath. Lucy, along with her husband Daniel, spent the last several months traveling across the United States working at farms and living in community with others as a part of the WWOOF program. She blogged1 about her experiences and shared her reflections, especially drawing inspiration from the writer Wendell Berry. In her first entry, Lucy reflected on her motivation for taking this Sabbath time – ceasing from work. She writes, “I have again come to a wall. A wall where I face exhaustion, but also an emptiness spiritually, emotionally, vocationally, and even intellectually. It is time, again, for active cessation. Time for tending to God, to Daniel, to family, and to self.”

Lucy, as so many of us often do, work and work and work, most of the time to the determent to our souls, our health, our very lives. We hit these walls, where we cannot seem to move forward, where we are emotionally, physically, mentally, spiritually empty and tired. We are bent down by the weight of our own exhaustion and emptiness. We are the bent down woman in this story. We are bring bent and pushed down by the busy pace of life, pressures we face at work, at home, in all areas of our lives. And, when we go and go at such a pace, before we know it, we are no longer able to see what is front of us or able to think clearly.

This week, I heard an interview on television of a Presidential historian who noted that several of our former Presidents were literally unable to make decisions and they were quite frustrated when they were exhausted. She said these Presidents would often head to their private estates or on vacation simply to clear their heads, to get some much needed rest and perspective. The same is true for us when we are overworked and overwhelmed. We begin to lose our way, and if we are not careful, we get struck in this place of feeling bound and bent.

So, how do we get ourselves unbound and standing up again? How do we cease work and take time away? Keeping Sabbath is not easy for us, especially given the availability of distractions such as computers, cell phones, and a myriad of ways to remain in the fast pace of our world. But, our health depends on it. Not just our physical health, but also our spiritual health. We desperately need to be released from what keeps us from living in freedom – stress, worry, exhaustion, brokenness.

Sabbath is truly a space of healing. It was for the woman. It has been for countless people. Early this morning, I received word that my friend Todd had lost his battle with cancer. He was bound up and bent down by this awful disease for over two years. He endured numerous different treatments at hospitals all around the country. In the end, he simply wanted to come home to be surrounded by family and friends in his last days. As I was reading the words of his passing, it struck me that Todd experienced a Sabbath healing. He is finally free from the pain and suffering that kept him from living into freedom. At midnight, he was released from the captive grip of cancer into a glorious freedom of resurrection life.

Life passes by too quickly, and we often lose sight in the busyness of it all. But, when we truly keep the Sabbath, when we actively cease from our work, we are able to open ourselves up for God’s healing presence to come to us. In doing so, we will be refreshed and renewed for the journey ahead of us. We can see with clear eyes, have open minds and rested bodies. Our relationship with God will deepen and we can listen for what God is trying to say to us.

I want to close with a poem that Lucy shared on her blog by Wendell Berry, a writer, who lives on a farm in Kentucky. He regularly practices Sabbath by wandering about his property in silence and writes poems about his Sabbath time. I invite you to hear his words -

Another Sunday morning comes
And I resume the standing Sabbath
Of the woods, where the finest blooms
Of time return, and where no path

Is worn but wears its makers out
At last, and disappears in leaves
Of fallen seasons. The tracked rut
Fills and levels; here nothing grieves

In the risen season. Past life
Lives in the living. Resurrection
Is in the way each maple leaf
Commemorates its kind, by connection

Outreaching understanding. What rises
Rises into comprehension
And beyond. Even falling raises
In praise of light. What is begun

Is unfinished. And so the mind
That comes to rest among the bluebells
Comes to rest in motion, refined
By alteration. The bud swells,

Opens, makes seed, falls, is well,
Being becoming what it is:
Miracle and parable
Exceeding thought, because it is

Immeasurable; the understander
Encloses understanding, thus
Darkens the light. We can stand under
No ray that is not dimmed by us.

The mind that comes to rest is tended
In ways that it cannot intend:
Is borne, preserved, and comprehended
By what it cannot comprehend.

Your Sabbath, Lord, thus keeps us by
Your will, not ours. And it is fit
Our only choice should be to die
Into that rest, or out of it. 2

Let us rest in God this day. Amen.

1 Lucy Waechter Webb blogs at www.sowingsabbath.blogspot.com and is a Candidate for Ministry in the Presbyterian Church (U.S.A.)
2 Taken from Wendell Berry, A Timbered Choir: The Sabbath Poems 1979-1997, 1979: II)

Hope my week isn't too nutty...

2010-08-09T16:51:00.004-04:00

Well, I posted a status last Sunday (August 1st) - "I hope my week is not too nutty". Wow, I shouldn't have done that! This past week has been completely insane. It started that night when I cut my thumb on a can lid from my recycling bin. I went up the street to a church member, who is a retired nurse, and she bandaged me up. But, my thumb started hurting pretty bad, so went to the doctor who sent me to a hand surgeon. I have an infection. Of course. So, I started on antibiotics and had a tetanus shot. And, that meant not using my left hand as much. That made things a bit more difficult!

And then on Saturday morning, I called my mom's phone. My dad answered & said he was at the hospital with my mom. She had gotten pretty sick that morning, and after she passed out & aspirated on her vomit, he took her to the ER. Once she got there, she passed out again & flatlined for about 20 seconds. She was then transferred to a major medical center about 45 minutes away. During this time, I quickly called & got a flight to TN from PA for that evening. I arrived late Saturday night & have spent the majority of my time at the hospital.

She ended up getting a pacemaker put in this morning to help correct her atrial fibrillation and slow heart rate, which was causing the dizzy spells, vomiting, and passing out. The surgery went well, she is up and alert, and doing much better. She will be coming home tomorrow.

Thanks be to God that my dad came home Saturday morning & found her. If he hadn't, she could have died there at home. And, if she wasn't at the hospital when she flat lined, she could have died. I am pretty thankful she is still here with us. And, that my church allowed me to get home to be with my family. Mostly, I've been caring for my dad and doing some things for my mom. I've realized how much work it is to care for aging parents, and they are still young in the grand scheme of things.

I am heading back to PA on Wednesday morning. And, now I know not to post a status such as hoping my week is not too nutty. Hopefully, things are looking up from this point. Hope that doesn't get me now...

Hazy, Crazy Days of Summer

2010-07-29T15:07:00.003-04:00

I apologize for not writing for a long time (yet again). As the title implies, it has truly been a whirlwind of craziness this summer thus far. When did it become almost August? Here's a bit of an update on what's happening in my corner of the world:

On the health front: I'm doing really well with eating gluten-free. I actually very rarely have cravings and/or miss regular bread stuff. I eat lots of fruit & veggies, along with yummy homemade hummus & black beans. I do eat gluten free pasta & bread, but not on an everyday basis. Overall, I'm feeling much better than ever before - TBTG! But, I am still fighting the iron deficiency stuff & have weekly iron infusions scheduled for the month of August. Bummer, but hopefully these will be the last ones!
At the church: attendance has been pretty good throughout the summer, despite vacations. Had two good sermons (according to others) these past two weeks - hoping to produce another one this week. We're facing financial strain, as many mainline churches are, so we're working hard to get our stewardship up and get some new activities planned for the fall.
I spent a week in Montreat! Youth Conferences are the best - I always have a blast. My small group (aka The Goon Squad) was truly amazing! It was also good to see friends I've not seen in two years, which is far too long. Made some new friends as well. Good times.
On the personal front: my mother came and spent about three weeks with me here in PA. It was super nice to have her around! We saw Mika Brzezinski at Barnes & Noble in Lancaster! Met her, listened to her talk about her book, took pictures, and even met the Governor of PA - Ed Rendell. Amazing.

That's what has been going on here. Working on sermons for August, planning confirmation class for this year, working with the stewardship & finance committee on budget stuff. The basic pastor stuff! I promise to update more often - I always say that, but I will make an effort this time!

Remember that you are loved! Blessings!

Hope

2010-06-19T19:54:00.003-04:00

I can't even begin to describe the last few months of my life. And, there are some things I just can't talk about right now. I've been in my call for five months now & it's been a rough five months. There were some very bright times - installation, worship, spending time with people in the community garden, lots of laughter over good food. But, I am struggling with knowing how to work with a church that is struggling too. I love them so much & I want to do everything I can to help them discern what God is calling them to do & be in this world. I cannot imagine myself anywhere else. I really can't.

But, it is hard. Ministry is not easy. I didn't think it would be. But, there are many days when I wish it was a bit easier, not so hard. There is so much to balance & I hope I am not losing myself in the process. I hope the money will come to balance the budget. I hope people won't bail. I hope I won't bail. Hoping for peace, for clarity, for wisdom in discernment.

All I can do is pray. And hope. And trust God will lead me & the church in the right direction.

Illness to Wholeness

2010-05-08T17:22:00.003-04:00

I'm sorry I've not posted in so long.

I've been struggling with feeling not well for probably three months now. I couldn't really figure out what was going on with me - headaches, extreme fatigue, feeling cold all the time. After many, many appointments with a family doctor, a cardiologist, hemotologist, GI specialist, and neurologist, and more blood drawn than I care to think about - I was diagnosed with celiac disease. This is what was causing my severe iron deficiency anemia (like a iron of 2 - worst my doctors have ever seen & hemogloben hovering around 8.5 to 9) & all of my crazy symptoms. The diagnosis came on April 20th, after a two day stint in the hospital with a unrelenting migraine & nausea, possibly caused by a five hour iron infusion earlier in the week to treat the anemia.

At first, I was pretty upset. You see, I love bread. I've been eating bread, pasta, and basically all things gluten for the last 29 years. But, when I realized the gluten was killing the insides of my small intestine & making me so sick, I knew giving it up would be worth feeling much better than I ever did in my whole life. So, I've been gluten-free since April 21st & feeling good. It's had its rough moments, especially when I had to clean out my cupboards & come to terms with giving up easy options for meals. This diagnosis has given me a reason to learn to cook for myself & make things from scratch, so I am sure they are safe for me to eat.

I had a follow up appt with my family doctor yesterday. She had some results of the latest blood work - great news! My iron has gone from 2 up to 62, hemogloben almost at 12, and the best news was that I've lost 10 pounds in the last two & half weeks. All of my clothes fit better, except my pants, so I think I need a new belt. I'm not needing to sleep 12 hours at night anymore, just to make it through the day. I wake up around 6:45am & ready for bed at a much more reasonable hour of 11:00pm. All in all, this gluten-free lifestyle is amazing.

That doesn't mean there won't be hard times - going out to eat is pretty tricky still. Plus, I need to make plans for having gluten-free communion bread for next month. But, I don't want to eat stuff that makes me sick anymore. The option is eat bad stuff & increase my risk for developing small bowel lymphoma or stick to the diet & live a healthy life. Cancer or life? Not a hard choice!

My church allowed me three weeks of medical leave to give my body a chance to adjust & begin the process of recovery. I'm really grateful & very much looking forward to stepping into the pulpit tomorrow morning. There is a lot going on with my church & some hard things ahead in our life together, but I think I've got the energy to face it head on. Thanks be to God!

Swim

2010-03-26T15:33:00.002-04:00

One of my favorite songs of late is "Swim" by Jack's Mannequin. I first heard the song sometime on the fall when they performed on The Daily Show & instantly fell in love with the song. Honestly, it speaks to me. There's been a lot happening lately around here & it gives me strength to keep moving forward.

***
You've gotta swim
Swim for your life
Swim for the music
That saves you
When you're not so sure you'll survive
You gotta swim
And swim when it hurts
The whole world is watching
You haven't come this far
To fall off the earth
The currents will pull you
Away from your love
Just keep your head above

I found a tidal wave
Begging to tear down the dawn
Memories like bullets
They fired at me from a gun
A crack in the armor
I swim to brighter days
Despite the absence of sun
Choking on salt water
I'm not giving in
I swim

You gotta swim
Through nights that won't end
Swim for your families
Your lovers your sisters
And brothers and friends
Yeah you've gotta swim
Through wars without cause
Swim for the lost politicians
Who don't see their greed as a flaw

You gotta swim
Swim in the dark
There's no shame in drifting
Feel the tide shifting and wait for the spark
Yeah you've gotta swim
Don't let yourself sink
Just find the horizon
I promise you it's not as far as you think
The currents will drag us away from our love
Just keep your head above
Just keep your head above
Swim
Just keep your head above
Swim, swim
Just keep your head above
Swim

***

So, I swim. And, I know I'm not alone. Thanks be to God.

Lost...

2010-03-13T20:06:00.003-05:00

Lost. I'm not talking about the TV show that everyone watches (except me). I'm talking about the feeling of being lost in the wilderness of life. Tomorrow, I am preaching on the parable of the Prodigal Son & talking about the feeling of being lost & then found by God's extravagant grace. It seems I've been feeling lost of late. I'm facing some challenges I've never faced before & it's thrown me a bit off course. It's easy to get wrapped up in challenges & begin to lose focus. I think I've lost my focus. It happens, even to pastors.

So, it's hard to write this sermon. I feel like I'll be preaching to myself as much as preaching for the congregation tomorrow morning. Perhaps God is trying to tell me something.

On keeping Sabbath...

2010-03-09T09:51:00.002-05:00

I'm the first to admit that I am bad at keeping Sabbath. I always talk about the importance of Sabbath days and harp on friends who are not doing it, but since beginning my ministry here in Pburg, I've not really taken a full day of Sabbath time. What is completely ironic is that over the next three weeks, I'm teaching the adult Sunday school class on Sabbath as Resistance. Yep. The irony is not lost on me.

There has been so much going on in my church & in my own life that I've neglected one of the most important things to keeping my own sanity in check. I feel overwhelmed & I know this is not a good place to be when you are a pastor. Any time off is being devoted to unpacking boxes, getting necessary things for the house, etc. This does not equal to true Sabbath. I'm finding it so hard to even sit down for five minutes without thinking about something that needs to be done. I've never really been like this before. I did a good job before of taking Sabbath time. What has happened?

Life and church stuff happened. Not an excuse. Just reality.

I'm going away for 24 hours to a retreat with other pastors. It's technically continuing education, but there is time for worship and reflection. I'm a part of a new group of pastors committing to study, gather, worship, support each other over the next 24 months. We're all new(ish) pastors with under 10 years ordained from my Presbytery. I'm headed there today. I am desperately hoping for space to clear my head. I need it. I do.

I hear my friends telling me I need Sabbath. I hear God telling me I need Sabbath. Perhaps I will find it today & tomorrow. We shall see. Thank you to those who are strongly encouraging my need for Sabbath - I need you to keep reminding me of it.

Finding the moments of grace

2010-03-05T13:05:00.002-05:00

There is so much going on in my life right now & a lot happening with my church. Needless to say, I am feeling the stress of being a solo pastor. But, I was reminded yesterday of the need to find the moments of grace in life each day. While sitting in Barnes & Noble, a song came on my iPod called Life is Beautiful by Vega4. It has a line - "stand where you are. we let all these moments pass us by". It reminded me of paying closer attention for grace.

Here are my moments of grace -
- having coffee & great conversation with my women's clergy group
- seeing three nuns walking together into the bookstore, smiling & laughing
- finally seeing the sun for the first time in a while, knowing the warm weather is coming...

Despite all that is going on right now, I am thankful for these moments of grace & so many more. Hope you find your moments too. Peace.

Lent is upon us now

2010-02-17T14:25:00.009-05:00

"Yet even now, says the Lord, return to me with all your heart, with fasting, with weeping, and with mourning; rend your hearts and not your clothing." Joel 2.12-13

As I write this, I've just finished with my first Ash Wednesday service. I have another one tonight at 6:30pm before my Session meeting. Seven faithful folks arrived at the church, almost at the exact time, to worship at the noon hour. The service was one filled with scripture, prayer, and silence. Near the end, I marked their faces with the sign of the cross in ashes. While I've attended many Ash Wednesday services, leading one on my own held great meaning for me. I was struck, maybe for the first time, by the power of the beginning of the Lenten season and the significance of marking oneself with the sign of the cross. We are indeed embarking on a journey with Christ towards Jerusalem, yet once again. We, in all of our sinfulness, have the privilage of walking with Christ this Lenten season. It is a time for penitence and self-examination. We prepare ourselves, over these next forty days, for the celebration of Christ's death & resurrection.

There is often conversation about giving up something for Lent. We are called in scripture to fast during this season. For me, I am choosing to incorporate more intentional time for reading scripture & writing. I feel that life often gets filled with so much distraction & this is certainly the case for me. And, as a new minister, I'm always running from one thing to the next. So, during this season of Lent, I am committing to do better & make sure I take the time to be in conversation with God. Holy conversation.

Friends, Lent is indeed upon us this day. May it be a season filled with self-examination, penitence, and humble learning as we journey with Christ towards Jerusalem once again. Thanks be to God.

The Newly Reverend

2010-02-14T17:45:00.004-05:00

It has certainly been a week filled with ups and downs. I traveled home last Friday morning to Tennessee for my ordination weekend. The scene at Philadelphia International Airport was one of complete chaos! It seemed that everyone came to the airport to attempt to get on earlier flights and avoid the impending snow storm. It got so bad at our gate that the gate agents had to announce there were simply no more seats on my flight & they would attempt to get them on the next one at 2pm. I was one of the lucky 160 people who were able to get on the flight to Atlanta. By the time we arrived in Atlanta, the 2pm flight had been cancelled due to weather. I felt incredibly blessed, but also felt for those who were unable to get out of Philadelphia. I made it home to East TN around dinner time & spent time with my family.

Last Sunday afternoon, I became the Reverend. It was a truly beautiful service, filled with people who represented so many different parts of my life. I'm so very thankful for all those who were able to assist in worship & those who came to witness. It felt like a blur, but I will never forget the words "you are now a Minister of Word & Sacrament in the PCUSA". It was the most incredible feeling. After the service, there was a beautiful reception. I didn't even get a chance to sit down, as I greeted & spoke with all of my home church family.

I returned home to PA on Monday, in between the two massive snow storms, to a scene of winter wonderland. There was about 2 feet of snow on the ground! And, more was on its way. But, I also returned to news of a death in the community & a request to officiate a funeral on Saturday. This was a well known man in this area & had grown up in my church. He had not been active for a number of years, but his widow requested the funeral be at my church. I met with her before the snow struck again & began to prepare the service. Then, I was snowed into my house for the next 36 hours.

It was certainly a strange feeling being snowed into the house all alone. I did get a lot of work done, but I really missed being with people & the freedom to come and go. On Thursday, I emerged from the house to begin the long process of shoveling. We got another 18-20 inches on top of the 2 feet from the weekend. I knew I couldn't do it all by myself & thankfully, a man with a plow came by & plowed me out! I was so grateful. In the process, I met my neighbors across the street & ended up having dinner at their house that night. What delightful people! We enjoyed lots of laughs & great conversation, not to mention wonderful food. This is what my friend Whitney would call a glimpse of grace & it certainly was!

Saturday brought my first funeral. I've assisted with three funeral previously, but this was my first to handle on my own. I did not know the person nor did I know the family, so I made due with the information I could gather. The family appreciated the service, which is all that really matters in the end. But, the whole experience left me rather exhausted. Literally, I came home & crashed. Yesterday was another first - communion. That went well too. These are the things that keep me awake at night - worrying about whether or not things will be okay.

The life of a pastor is unreal. There are moments of great stress, great joy, and total exhaustion. My hope is to find some sense of balance in the middle of it all. We shall see what this week will bring.

Ephesians

2010-02-03T15:07:00.001-05:00

Ephesians 3.14-21 - the main passage for my ordination service this weekend.

Three Week Mark

2010-02-02T10:33:00.003-05:00

Today marks my three week mark of being here. I am really falling in love with living in Pennsylvania. Over the last few days, I've begun to get a sense of trusting that God called me here for a reason. Despite all that happened with my exam on the floor of Presbytery, I feel very empowered as a young, progressive female pastor. I had coffee last week with several area female clergy. It was great to meet others in the Presbytery and feel supported in this new ministry. Then, I was blessed to have lunch with a seminary friend who happens to work in a church about 20 minutes away. There's something very comforting about having a Columbia person not too far away - I suppose in Presbyterian circles we would refer to that as being a connectional church.

Last week, I had the opportunity to lend a hand at the Mobile Food Pantry here in Parkesburg. It happens on the fourth Wednesday of the month & people can come to receive assistance. It certainly opened my eyes to the extent of poverty in this area of Chester County. Chester is one of the wealthy counties in PA, but there are significant pockets of deep poverty and struggle. I am thankful the area churches & the Chester Co. Food Bank are able to help as many as we can in this area.

It has certainly been a crazy, exciting three weeks! I know there are lots of challenges ahead, but I am committed to remaining thankful for it all. I'm now setting my sights on this weekend - I am headed back to TN for my ordination service on Sunday afternoon. It's been such a long journey to get to this point. I'm not sure the full extent of it has sunk in yet. This whole thing feels surreal, but I plan to enjoy every moment of the weekend.

New Gal in PA

2010-01-24T19:59:00.005-05:00

I've been here in PA for almost two weeks now. Most of my time during the first week was unpacking boxes. This is a monumental task - in fact, there are still many boxes inhabiting in the dining room. There are still boxes of books in my study that need a home. In the midst of all the unpacking, I got aquainted with my church office and the wonderful secretary; managed to get my car insurance secured; got a PA driver's license; got cable & internet hooked up in the house; and figured out what I was going to say on my first Sunday morning (sermon was done before I arrived, but all of the other words). My first Sunday went well - sermon was well received, didn't screw up too much, and there was a fabulous welcome lunch that followed worship, which included the BEST welcome basket ever. I love them already.

However, week two proved to be an interesting one. It started off with spending MLK day volunteering at the Chester County Food Warehouse down the street from my house/church. We packed bags of food for the mobile food pantry, cleaned up the warehouse, and generally had a good time. The morning also included a lovely brunch downstairs at the Parkesburg Point (the youth center supported by area churches) and hearing 10 kids from the Point tell us about their dreams. Pretty powerful stuff. I was asked to give the blessing over the food - the first of many public prayers, this am I sure of. I loved being there & enjoyed getting to know the community.

Tuesday brought its own set of challenges. This was the day of my examination for ordination on the floor of Presbytery. I was thrilled to have three church members present with me as my cheering section of sorts. Well, it didn't go as smoothly as I had wished - difficult questions from the floor, which I didn't mind in the least. However, after I left the room for the discussion/vote, it turned ugly. There was yelling. There was harsh opinions and judgments flying around about me. The worst part was being on the other side of a poorly insulated wall and hearing it all go down. I felt awful for my congregation members in the room listening to this & unable to say anything (they did not have voice on the floor as non-Presbytery commissioners). Needless to say, it was a long ten minutes or so. In the end, I was approved (thanks be to God) and came back into the room & was prayed for by some pretty amazing people. Afterwards, I had a lot of people come up to me to give their support and welcome to the Presbytery. I was shaken up, but also felt very empowered. I stood my ground. I know that I'm "alternative" due to my use of 'parent' rather than 'father' language for God, and that I am admittedly a universalist. I accept this about myself and will never push these on people, especially from the pulpit.

Well, Wednesday brought a breakfast meeting with the new Presbytery exec, who I think is amazing. Throughout the day, I received numerous emails and phone calls from people apologizing for what happened the previous day. I was touched by their outpouring of support. The day ended with a letter being issued from the Presbytery with a formal apology and commitment to do better on all sides. The Presbytery exec also came to my Session meeting to explain the situation and smooth it over. All is good on that front, thank goodness.

Needless to say, my week was rocky. But, I made it through intact. A little bruised, but okay. I did have dinner with two church members on Thursday at a little Irish pub in the middle of nowhere. And, I had dinner on Friday night with a new pastor friend at her house. Loved talking about seminary, life in the church, and about cats (she has two). It certainly refreshed my soul, in more ways than one. The whole week made for difficulty in the sermon writing department. However, in the end, the Spirit came through, as she always does:)

I'm happy. I really am. My sights are now set on my ordination, which is in two weeks on Sunday, Feb 7th. I am thrilled to go home to TN and be surrounded by some of my favorite people. After my rocky ordination process, it will indeed be a sweet day that I will remember for the rest of my life. On a separate note, I will share the day with the Indianapolis Colts playing in the Super Bowl. While I am a devoted New England Patriots fan, I do love some Payton Manning:)

Life is good, despite it all. God is here. That's all that matters in the end. Peace!

New Year, New Life

2009-12-29T15:04:00.002-05:00

As 2010 begins, so will a new chapter in my life. I've been called as the pastor at First Presbyterian Church in Parkesburg, PA. In two weeks, I will move & begin my life there. My new church is fantastic - filled with warm & wonderful people, eager to see where God is leading them next. I feel very honored that they chose me to walk with them on that journey. I'll move into my house - yes, house! It's a beautiful four bedroom place, with gorgeous hardwood floors & lots of character. I am greatly looking forward to making it my home.

Reflecting back on 2009, I am reminded of where life has taken me & the people along the way. It's not been the easiest year, to say the least, but it was filled with moments of personal growth and love from friends & family. I'm so thankful to those along the way. Life certainly takes us in interesting directions and I know God was there every step of the way. There were many moments when I never thought this day would come - when I was filled with doubt and uncertainty, when my heart was overwhelmed with sorrow. I am so glad to be on the other side now and feel 2010 is going to be fabulous.

Thanks to all who have taken this journey with me. I promise to write more often. For now, peace and blessings to all as we embark on a new year.

Thanksgiving Thoughts

2009-11-24T13:32:00.004-05:00

I'm headed out tomorrow morning to spend a few days in Ohio with my family. I really love spending time with them - cooking, watching the Macy's parade all together, going out at 4am to shop on Black Friday, and simply catching up on stories of the past year. With so many of us in the ministry, we are not able to be together during Christmas, so Thanksgiving has become our main family holiday. This year, we are adding a new fun thing - making a big gingerbread house with my little 3 year old cousin Micah (who is more like my nephew). He's a meticulous little boy, so this should be interesting! We are also celebrating the upcoming birth of Micah's baby brother, Nate, who should be gracing us with his presence next month! The added blessing is being able to celebrate my 29th birthday on Saturday with my family. I made a delicious cheesecake for the occasion - the first time I've ever made my own birthday cake:) Should be fabulous.

Despite the ups and downs of these last 6 months, I have much to be thankful for ~ the love & support of my family, amazing friends who are always there, the sense of call in my life, knowing that God is with me every step of the way. I will be especially thankful this year, as so many are without this holiday season. They will be in my prayers.

Thanks be to God for all good gifts and blessings bestowed upon us. May this be a time filled with thanks and love...not to mention yummy food:)

By the grace of God...

2009-11-10T15:43:00.003-05:00

"But by the grace of God, I am what I am, & God's grace toward me has not been in vain" ~ I Corinthians 15.10

I saw this passage of scripture on a friend's facebook page today & it really struck me. In this time of uncertainity, it brings me a sense of comfort knowing God created me for a reason. When one is searching for a call, especially when one is currently unemployed, there is such a strong sense of doubt and frustration surrounding it all. It's been a long six months since I graduated from seminary & there's been so much that has happened since then. I've moved in and out of seasons of restlessness and sadness, but there have also been moments of blessing. There's been moments of deep heartache - the loss of a friend, the disappointment from not receiving a call, the pain of watching my father deal with the harsh side of church politics. There's been moments when I saw God's grace - time spent with good friends over warm cups of tea, a drive through the beautiful mountains of North Carolina, the love of family, conversations with a trusted friend & professor who knows me better than many people.

I know this journey has been long, but I also trust God indeed has a plan for me. It's not always easy to remember this, but I try every day. That's all I can do. And, by the grace of God, I will find a call. Thanks be to God for grace and love and reminders of blessings.

Life these days

2009-10-15T13:02:00.003-04:00

It's been awhile! Sorry to those who read my blog regularly. My friend Kristy asked about my blog today & I realized I hadn't written anything since late August. Yikes! Living in a small town with limited internet access places a strain on blog writing & I wasn't sure what to write about. Apology over. Now onto what's been happening lately.

I'm still in the call process. Looking for a call in the PC(USA) isn't always a fast process - I know this from experience:) I have a couple of face to face interviews in the next couple of weeks, so we shall see what happens with those. Both are wonderful places & I would be happy living in either place. Lots of praying happening here!

I am "working" right now. I'm a volunteer/grunt laborer at Main Street: Greeneville, a non-profit that works with historic preservation & tourism. It's a small organization & the executive director is a friend, so she hired me until I get a call. In the least, it gets me out of the house & doing something 2 to 3 days a week, and I've met a lot of interesting & influencial people in my small town. Right now, we are working on Halloween Happenings (a fun night of candy, hay rides, & costume contests in downtown) and selling our new Main Street cookbooks.

I did manage to get down to Atlanta a week or so ago. It was so nice to see friends! My head was spinning in all different directions & I really needed those couple of days away. I have some of the most amazing friends - who let me vent & sleep on their couches/floors! I was able to eat at my favorite place - Taqueria Del Sol. They have the most amazing carnitas tacos. Yum. I miss being able to go there on a regular basis. Might have to make a road trip again soon:)

That's about all that's happening in my life right now. Oh, currently writing a sermon for one of my interviews - preaching neutral pulpit a week from Sunday. Text is Mark 10.46-52 where Jesus heals Bartimaeus, a blind beggar. Great text. If you should have any thoughts, feel free to leave me a comment. I'm accepting any & all thoughts. Prayers too.

More later. Blessings to you!

Season of Restlessness

2009-08-24T12:31:00.003-04:00

I think I've moved into a new season - a season of restlessness. The whole searching for a call thing is quite the emotional roller coaster. It's hard to keep sending out PIF after PIF, not knowing what is going to happen next or if they will even consider you further. While some days have been rough over the last couple months, I still hold onto hope that there is indeed a church out there for me. I just don't know where it is!

I'm restless, in more ways than one. I'm tossing & turning most nights, unable to get comfortable. I think God might be telling me something, just not sure what it is quite yet. I'm itching to get in my car & drive - to get away from it all for a few days. I've considered going to the beach, to stare at the ocean & clear my head. But, this costs money, which is not in huge supply right now, since I am currently without employment. However, I am heading to Atlanta this weekend to celebrate with my dear friends Kari & Steve, who are getting married on Saturday. They are amazing & I am grateful they want me to be there to witness the beginning of the new chapter of their lives. This will be a great opportunity to get away, see friends, enjoy good ATL food, and maybe even clear my head.

Maybe God wants me to be in a season of restlessness. Maybe something good will come from this. Maybe it won't last too long. I hope so.

Seasons

2009-08-07T10:50:00.003-04:00

"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven: a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain, a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away, a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak, a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace." - Ecclessiates 3.1-8

Over this past week, I've been reminded of the seasons of life. This passage from Ecclessiates brings me great comfort during times of transition and times of sadness.

I said goodbye to a friend this past week. She was diagnosed with a malignant brain tumor in February 2008 and underwent chemo. After finishing chemo in winter 2009, her tumor returned. She died last Thursday, leaving behind her two young daughters & grieving family members and friends. She was only 27. We were friends in high school, went to church together, active in the youth group, spent summers in Montreat & on mission trips together. She was a truly beautiful person with a vibrant spirit for life. It makes me sad that cancer took this amazing person away. She & I lost touch when I went off to college. I only saw her a few times.

Her death reminds me of how much I miss my friends - old & new, far & near. I've moved around a lot in the past 10 years with school & internships. I'm afraid I've lost touch with so many people who meant a lot to me. It makes me sad to think about all of the time that has gone by. I think I am especially reminded of these past friendships as I am still waiting to see what will happen next in my own life & am living back home with my family. My friends are all living in other places, which makes communication hard. I hope to try harder to maintain my friendships.

I feel like I am in a season of sadness. After a long period of waiting, I found out that I did not get the job at the church I interviewed with last month. I knew this was a possibility & tried to prepare myself. I don't think you can ever be fully prepared. I'm a little heartbroken, but trying to remain hopeful. God will call me where I need to be. This just wasn't the right place.

"...a time to mourn and a time to dance..." Looking forward to dancing.

Prayer Pants Are On

2009-07-22T13:44:00.004-04:00

It's been a while since I last posted on here. To be honest, I'm not completely sure who actually reads this blog! Regardless, a lot has happened since June 1st. I've gotten used to being here in Tennessee, although I admit that I am very ready to move! I do enjoy spending time with my family, but I'm ready for more. About a month ago, I went on the senior high work camp with my home church because they needed another adult leader at the last minute. We spent about 9 days in Louisville, KY doing repair work at Cedar Ridge Presbytery Camp and with Wayside Christian Mission in downtown Louisville. The kids had a wonderful experience & did a lot of hard work in the heat & humidity! I had a great time getting to know them. They are a great youth group with a lot of talented kids.

Soon after, I had an interview with a church. I can't mention where it is, but I can say that it was a great experience! I really loved the church & the people I met there. Honestly, I could very easily see myself living there & working at this church. Now, the hard part begins. I will probably hear from them in the next couple of weeks. Waiting is extremely hard! So, my prayer pants are on:) I know God has plans for me & I am trying my best to wait for them. In the meantime, I have a few other leads on positions.

Living in liminal space is not the easiest thing to do. There are so many unknowns & I really have very little control over it all. All I can do is present myself in the best way possible to these PNCs & pray things will work out. I am certainly looking forward to the day when I am settled in my new place & beginning the new chapter of my life.

Meanwhile, I'll keep my prayer pants on. If you want, you can put yours on too.

Waiting in Tennessee

2009-06-01T19:37:00.003-04:00

I'm back in Tennessee for the time being. I spent most of my first week at home relaxing on the couch, watching endless episodes of House, and basically allowing myself to decompress from finishing up seminary. However, I did manage to summon the energy to finish my PIF! It's ready to be placed on the CLC website on Saturday, after the Presbytery vote. I went before the CPM today & they approved my final assessment. Thank the Lord! I'm glad it went well & thankful to be finishing this part of the process. It's been a really long journey & it's exciting to finally be able to see the light at the end of the tunnel. So, now I wait until Saturday afternoon. I pray it all goes well & I can officially look for a call.

In the meantime, I wait. Patiently. Well, not so patiently.

Master of the Divine

2009-05-11T21:59:00.003-04:00

Well, it's over! I officially finished all of my classes, papers, and finals for my MDiv on Thursday afternoon. It's a good feeling to not have my life be run by syllabi, endless amounts of reading, and writing papers. Now, I've had a few days to let it all sink in. It's been a whirlwind of a journey over the last four years! I move between feeling sad about leaving & feeling excited about what will come next. The moments of excitement seem to be more frequent than those of sadness, but there have been many, many tears shed over the last week or so. But, I think I've come to a place of acceptance about leaving CTS, which is good. It's not a final goodbye to friends, thanks to the miracles of Facebook & email. It will be a little strange not living in community, but something I will get used to.

So, my days are filled with packing boxes & writing my sermon for final assessment. That is my next big thing - final assessment on June 1st with the CPM & in front of Presbytery on June 6th. Then, the real fun begins:) I feel good about all of it. I know God is with me all the way.

Graduation is Saturday morning! It should be a wonderful day. My parents arrive Friday morning & I'm blessed to have my aunt, cousin & her 2 1/2 year old son Micah coming down from Ohio to celebrate with us for the weekend.

A week from today, I will be at home in Tennessee. I don't think that part has sunk in just yet...

No Yale for me...

2009-04-20T15:37:00.002-04:00

Well, after a month of waiting patiently (or impatiently), I heard from Yale New Haven Hospital. They have filled their program & I am not going to be one of their resident chaplains next year. I'm a little sad & disappointed today. But, I'm actually handling it fairly well, all things considered. I am holding onto faith that God indeed has plans for me, and this was not it.

Plan B is to spend the summer at home in Tennessee after graduation & begin the search process for a call in full force. I'm not a huge fan of liminal space, but I think this is where I am being called to live for at least the next little while. I will go through final assessment with the CPM & Holston Presbytery during the first week of June, and hopefully on June 6th, I can put my PIF out there.

God is with me. I know this. It's still hard, but I have a lot of other stuff to focus on right now, like writing a paper for American Religious History, preparing a presentation for that class (which is tomorrow), and writing a lesson plan & rationale for Christian Ed. Not to mention taking an oral alternative Bible Content exam! Lots to keep my mind occupied:)

Thanks to all of you who sent prayers my way! I can really feel them.

See and Believe?

2009-04-16T22:20:00.003-04:00

Here's my sermon for Sunday- I'm preaching at a church in LaGrange, GA near the GA-Alabama border. Looking for any and all feedback!

See and Believe?

John 20:19-31 19 When it was evening on that day, the first day of the week, and the doors of the house where the disciples had met were locked for fear of the Jews, Jesus came and stood among them and said, "Peace be with you." 20 After he said this, he showed them his hands and his side. Then the disciples rejoiced when they saw the Lord. 21 Jesus said to them again, "Peace be with you. As the Father has sent me, so I send you." 22 When he had said this, he breathed on them and said to them, "Receive the Holy Spirit. 23 If you forgive the sins of any, they are forgiven them; if you retain the sins of any, they are retained." 24 But Thomas (who was called the Twin), one of the twelve, was not with them when Jesus came. 25 So the other disciples told him, "We have seen the Lord." But he said to them, "Unless I see the mark of the nails in his hands, and put my finger in the mark of the nails and my hand in his side, I will not believe." 26 A week later his disciples were again in the house, and Thomas was with them. Although the doors were shut, Jesus came and stood among them and said, "Peace be with you." 27 Then he said to Thomas, "Put your finger here and see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it in my side. Do not doubt but believe." 28 Thomas answered him, "My Lord and my God!" 29 Jesus said to him, "Have you believed because you have seen me? Blessed are those who have not seen and yet have come to believe." 30 Now Jesus did many other signs in the presence of his disciples, which are not written in this book. 31 But these are written so that you may come to believe that Jesus is the Messiah, the Son of God, and that through believing you may have life in his name.

The second Sunday of Easter- we have been through the power of Holy Week – gathered around the table to partake of bread and wine and spent quiet moments reflecting on the violence surrounding Jesus’ crucifixion and death upon the cross. We have celebrated Christ’s resurrection on Easter Sunday morning, sung our joyful hymns, and heard the story of the women at the tomb who come to realize Christ is no longer dead, but alive once again. We proclaimed – “Alleluia! Christ is risen! He is risen indeed!”

But now, a week has gone by. Life is returning to normal: back to work & school, continuing to whittle away at our long to do lists, and the pressures of everyday life begin to overwhelm us again.

But, Easter is not over! The story continues with this passage from the Gospel of John this morning. And, we are presented with a question that bears our careful consideration – do you need to see in order to believe?

Some of us are like Thomas in this story. He had a hard time believing the disciples were telling the truth about seeing Christ again. Thomas wants to see the risen Christ for himself, not simply relying on the stories of others. He wants to see, to touch, to feel Christ with him once again. Thomas really just wants what the other disciples were able to experience behind those closed doors – an encounter with the risen Christ.

And, some of us are like the disciples behind the closed doors. They were afraid and locked themselves away. And we, like those disciples, have a tendency to live in our comfortable realities of this world, despite that the Easter story has essentially turned the world upside down. We often live behind our closed doors, where we do not have to face our fears, huddled together, not quite ready to live into the gift of the Spirit, as an Easter people. Our temptation is to celebrate Easter and then go back to life as usual, like nothing really happened. But, the story does not end with Christ being raised from death unto life. There is much more. Christ appeared to the disciples, breathing the power of the Holy Spirit upon them, sending them into the world to proclaim peace and good news to all people.

This is our story. A little bit of Thomas and a little bit of the other disciples. We have doubts, we have fears, and we have all of the emotions of the ones whom Christ had chosen to follow him. We want to see in order to believe. There are times we wish we could actually see Jesus, touch him, hear his words for ourselves – you know, straight from the source. That is what Thomas wanted. The disciples who witnessed the first encounter behind the closed doors probably wanted to see Jesus again. We want to see the risen Christ too.

And so, Jesus appeared to them for a second time, and this time, Thomas was with them. And, after placing his hands into the wounds on his body, he proclaims, “my Lord and my God”. Jesus’ response is to ask the question – do you believe because you have seen me? What a powerful question, not only for Thomas, but for us. Must we see in order to believe? We live in a world filled with skepticism and doubt. We seem to always want a little more proof. We look for answers to the hard questions of life and of faith. And, we want those answers. It is like we need to see in order to truly believe.

The answer Jesus gives to his own question is “blessed are those who have not yet seen, but have come to believe.” There is an element of trust implied in this answer. Thomas and the other disciples need to trust he is indeed with them, even if they are not able to physically see him or touch his body. And, this is true for us as well. Since we were not present for the resurrection or the appearances to the disciples behind closed doors, we need to place our trust in this written word, that Jesus is the Son of God, and in our belief, we will have new life. We cannot place our hands on the wounds ourselves, but we can look for places in our lives where we have witnessed the risen Christ.

When reflecting about this, I am reminded of glimpses of grace - we have these every day in our lives, those times when we are able to feel Christ’s presence with us. My dear friend Whitney started a blog almost three years ago that chronicles her glimpses of grace, encounters with the risen Christ, in her daily life. These range from a warm cup of tea on a chilly day, to her encounters with interesting people, to the discovery of new things and old treasures. We are indeed surrounded by these glimpses into the realm of the holy and transcendent – those times when we can indeed see and believe Christ is indeed with us. Over these last few days, I have been reminded of these moments in my own life, as graduation from seminary is quickly approaching. I think of the people who greatly enrich my life, the moments when I can truly feel & hear God speaking to me, times when I can feel Christ’s presence surrounding me, especially in times of great anxiety about what the future might hold. These moments of holy space point us towards the risen Christ and where we can truly see him in our daily lives, amidst the suffering, the hard places in our world.

The words Jesus speaks to his disciples – “peace be with you”, he also speaks to us this day. Christ meets us where we are, even behind our closed doors. He meets us in moments of real honesty, real life and this is truly when we are able to recognize Christ, and that we are not alone in this world, but have always been found by God. That is the power of this story – the story of Christ’s death and resurrection. For we are indeed disciples of Christ in this world, blessed by God, and having received the gift of the Holy Spirit, we are sent out to proclaim the peace and mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ to a world in great need of hope. We not only hear the words “peace be with you”, but we are charged to share them with all whom we encounter in our daily lives. This is what it means to live as Easter people – living into our calling as disciples, sharing the good news, believing what we have seen for ourselves, all the while, trusting in what others have seen before us. And, in doing so, the story continues on.

Blessed are those who have not yet seen, but have come to believe. Blessed are you have not yet seen and yet continue to believe. Indeed, blessed are you. Thanks be to God. Amen.

Glimpses of Grace

2009-04-14T20:41:00.002-04:00

That is the title of my dear friend Whitney's blog. She posted her top ten favorite glimpses today & as I read through them, I was reminded of her journey through seminary & now in Belfast, Northern Ireland as a minister of Word & Sacrament.

I am also reminded of the glimpses of grace in my own life ~

the amazing words of love & grace from two powerful sisters in Christ - Christine Yoder & Kathleen O'Connor
a warm cup of tea after a rather chilly evening
friends who always know what you are thinking even before speaking one word out loud
receiving a note from a pastor I worked for before coming to seminary asking how I was & if I needed anything as I move towards graduation
seeing a friend after a long time apart & rejoicing in her daughter's recovery from illness
the incredible support & love of a trusted professor & friend through a rough patch of life
these final days of seminary, although amidst anxiety & sadness
the gift of new life and new beginnings

So, thank you Whitney, for sharing your glimpses of grace with us. And for being one in my life.

Random Saturday thoughts

2009-03-28T17:46:00.003-04:00

I'm back from my adventures to Connecticut & New York City. My interview at Yale Hospital went really well. I loved the hospital, the supervisors seemed really great, and I think I would love working there. New Haven fits my style too, which is a good thing. I should find out this coming week if I got the job or not.

Today, Imago Dei @ CTS (I'm a co-moderator) held an event - Sexuality, the Church, & Pizza. We had 31 people come, which is amazing since it was a Saturday & it was raining! We had conversations about what does the Bible say about sexuality & how to be a welcoming church/ally. Two New Testament professors, Beth Johnson & David Bartlett, & two area pastors, Mandy Flemming & Paris Ely, led the conversations. People asked great, thoughtful questions & really listened to each other. It was a great success!

Life continues to be rather busy, with only 7 weeks before graduation. Trying to read for classes, work on papers, the whole job search thing - it's a lot to manage, especially when senioritis begins to set in...

Yale, Gilmore Girls, & Adventures in NYC

2009-03-17T21:03:00.002-04:00

I am sitting in my hotel room in New Haven, CT. I flew from Atlanta to New York City this morning, landing at JFK airport. Then, I navigated the A & 4 lines of the NYC subway system to Grand Central Station. The place was filled with St. Patty's Day parade people & lots of green! After an amazing slice of NYC pizza, I boarded a commuter train to New Haven. The train made stops in Greenwich, Stamford, Milford & a few other little Connecticut towns before ending up in New Haven.

I wandered around the town late this afternoon, had dinner at an Irish pub, and took a walk through some of the Yale campus. I saw Branford College - where Rory Gilmore lived during her time at Yale:) My plan is to hit the Yale Bookstore & study in the library tomorrow afternoon.

The reason for my travels to CT is to interview at Yale-New Haven Hospital in the morning for their CPE residency program. I really think this might be where I will end up in September! Hope that it goes well tomorrow.

Snow Day in Atlanta!

2009-03-01T19:41:00.002-05:00

The view from my window

The tree outside my living room

Looking out at the quad

Thoughts on APCE 2009

2009-02-25T14:57:00.002-05:00

I received a scholarship from CTS to attend this year's APCE conference. As part of it, I am to post about my experience. Here are my thoughts...

A Light to the Nations
Association of Presbyterian Church Educators Annual Conference
January 28-31, 2009 in San Antonio, TX

I had the privilege of attending my third APCE conference this January, thanks to the generous support of the SCC scholarship fund here at CTS. This year, the theme of the conference was “A Light to the Nations”, based on the text from Isaiah 42 – “…I have given you as a covenant to the people, a light to the nations…” Eileen Lindner (keynote presenter) & J. Herbert Nelson (preacher) delved deeply into what exactly it meant to be a light to the nations, given the current global situation. We wrestled with what constitutes a “nation” in our context, biblical understandings of light, the context of how to bring light in our world, and what it means to be educators in the church given these understandings & conditions. Both the keynote presentations & worship services were very powerful & left me thinking deeply about my call to ministry.

In addition to amazing plenary sessions, I attended several workshops:

Making Good Decisions & Good Christians: this was presented by Jeff Japinga from McCormick Seminary & it was all about working with committees in their decision making processes. I came away with great ideas & resources for incorporating elements of discipleship into committee work.

The Gospel According to Beads: Tammy Weins, Meg Rift, & Betsy Ensign-George from the PC(USA) national headquarters gave a wonderful workshop that traced the significant moments of Jesus’ life & ministry through the means of creating a prayer bracelet. If you would like to see the finished product, let me know!

Practicing Discernment with Youth: David White from Austin Seminary presented on a particular model of discernment & how to enable young people to see their mission in the world.

I also had the privilege of assisting my father, Alan Kobs, with his workshop entitled Work Camp Ministry.

Other highlights:
Representing Columbia Theological Seminary at the PC(USA) Seminaries booth in the exhibit hall & helping to host the Columbia Seminary gathering with Kathy Dawson & Kristin Stroble

Overall, it was a fantastic conference! I came away with new insights & fresh perspectives on educational ministry in the church. It was a wonderful opportunity to see old friends and make great connections with church leaders around the country. Thanks again to the SCC scholarship committee for their support.

Texas Bound

2009-01-26T12:10:00.003-05:00

Tomorrow morning, I fly to San Antonio, Texas for the APCE (Association of Presbyterian Christian Educators) 2009 Annual Conference. I'm so excited! I've never been to Texas, except for layovers in the Dallas & Houston airports. We're staying at the Crowne Plaza Riverwalk & the events are located all over the city. My friend Kristin is going as well & thank goodness we're on the same flight. We'll each be working in the exhibit hall - I'm representing CTS at the PCUSA Seminaries booth & Kristin is at the Young Adult Volunteer booth - taking workshops, listening to plenaries, & enjoying good worship services. This year, I am co-teaching a workshop on Work Camp Ministry with my dad. Also, we're going done early to enjoy San Antonio. I hope to catch up with my friend Rachel, who moved to San Antonio a couple of years ago & we've not seen each other for a long time. It should be a great trip & much needed break before spring semester starts next Monday!

Change Has Arrived

2009-01-20T19:43:00.003-05:00

Today marks an incredible day in our country's history. We witnessed long standing barriers come crashing to the ground. I was in awe today, watching the inauguration with some of my favorite friends & professors from CTS, crowded into our student lounge, hanging on every word spoken in his address. We cheered, we cried, we experienced it together- all of us. It didn't matter what color of our skin, our background, nothing mattered. Except the mere fact that we shared a moment of profound importance. I will never forget where I was when I witnessed Barack Obama take the oath of office as our 44th President.

I was also moved by Rev. Joseph Lowry's benediction. Here it is, courtesy of the Federal News Service:

God of our weary years, God of our silent tears, thou who has brought us thus far along the way, thou who has by thy might led us into the light, keep us forever in the path, we pray, lest our feet stray from the places, our God, where we met thee, lest our hearts, drunk with the wine of the world, we forget thee. Shadowed beneath thy hand may we forever stand — true to thee, O God, and true to our native land.

We truly give thanks for the glorious experience we’ve shared this day. We pray now, O Lord, for your blessing upon thy servant, Barack Obama, the 44th president of these United States, his family and his administration. He has come to this high office at a low moment in the national and, indeed, the global fiscal climate. But because we know you got the whole world in your hand, we pray for not only our nation, but for the community of nations. Our faith does not shrink, though pressed by the flood of mortal ills.

For we know that, Lord, you’re able and you’re willing to work through faithful leadership to restore stability, mend our brokenness, heal our wounds and deliver us from the exploitation of the poor or the least of these and from favoritism toward the rich, the elite of these.

We thank you for the empowering of thy servant, our 44th president, to inspire our nation to believe that, yes, we can work together to achieve a more perfect union. And while we have sown the seeds of greed — the wind of greed and corruption, and even as we reap the whirlwind of social and economic disruption, we seek forgiveness and we come in a spirit of unity and solidarity to commit our support to our president by our willingness to make sacrifices, to respect your creation, to turn to each other and not on each other.

And now, Lord, in the complex arena of human relations, help us to make choices on the side of love, not hate; on the side of inclusion, not exclusion; tolerance, not intolerance.
And as we leave this mountaintop, help us to hold on to the spirit of fellowship and the oneness of our family. Let us take that power back to our homes, our workplaces, our churches, our temples, our mosques, or wherever we seek your will.

Bless President Barack, First Lady Michelle. Look over our little, angelic Sasha and Malia.

We go now to walk together, children, pledging that we won’t get weary in the difficult days ahead. We know you will not leave us alone, with your hands of power and your heart of love.

Help us then, now, Lord, to work for that day when nation shall not lift up sword against nation, when tanks will be beaten into tractors, when every man and every woman shall sit under his or her own vine and fig tree, and none shall be afraid; when justice will roll down like waters and righteousness as a mighty stream.

Lord, in the memory of all the saints who from their labors rest, and in the joy of a new beginning, we ask you to help us work for that day when black will not be asked to get back, when brown can stick around — (laughter) — when yellow will be mellow — (laughter) — when the red man can get ahead, man — (laughter) — and when white will embrace what is right.

Let all those who do justice and love mercy say amen.
AUDIENCE: Amen!
REV. LOWERY: Say amen –
AUDIENCE: Amen!
REV. LOWERY: — and amen.
AUDIENCE: Amen! (Cheers, applause.)

I echo that. Amen, Amen, Amen.

Peace, peace, where there is no peace

2009-01-10T23:46:00.007-05:00

I took to the streets today. This isn't something I normally do, but it felt right. I walked the streets of downtown Atlanta, surrounded by men, women, and children- those who want an end to the violence in Gaza and Israel. It was powerful. It was uncomfortable. It was liberating. I wanted to do more than blog and pray for peace, but also march for peace. While I didn't agree with all of the signs & chants around me, the greater purpose of giving voice to peace was present.

I'm still processing it all. More to come.

When Will it End?

2009-01-09T22:34:00.004-05:00

The fighting in Israel & Gaza must end. It is so painful to hear day after day stories of war. I often wonder if it will ever end. Both sides have been fighting for so long, I am not even sure they even know what they are fighting about anymore. Rockets are flying, homes & business are going up in flames, people are dying. Every single day. When will it end?

I pray for peace. I pray for hope. I pray for people who just want to live their lives without fear. I continue to pray.

I read some interesting posts about the Israel/Gaza war recently & I invite you to read them too. The first is a blog, written by two people - one in Gaza & one in Israel. It is a powerful witness of hope and peace. http://gaza-sderot.blogspot.com/ (thanks to Kerri for the link)

The second is a post by our PCUSA moderator, Bruce Reyes-Chow - a prayer for people in Gaza, but also a link to a letter written by the stated clerk, Gradye Parsons. http://www.mod.reyes-chow.com/2009/01/prayers-for-the-end-of-violence.html

Pray for peace. Pray for hope. Pray for all people.

Return from Sabbath

2009-01-08T19:12:00.003-05:00

I've been away for about a month now. My semester ended on Dec 12th & I headed home to Tennessee for about two weeks of Sabbath rest. It was just what I needed after this incredibly stressful semester, filled with many ups and downs.

After my much needed rest, I went to Maryland to visit friends from my time there last year. It was exactly what I needed in order to gain some much needed perspective. I found myself very grateful for my year in this particular church- they loved & nurtured me. They see in me passion for ministry and know that I am called by God. There have been many times along this seminary journey when I felt so lost and filled with doubt. Sitting in the sanctuary for two Sundays, hearing the familar liturgy & two amazing sermons, looking around at all of the faces of those I love, it clicked. I was able to begin to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I felt recharged and renewed for these final months of seminary.

I am reminded of the long, winding journey I've been on & of the people who walked with me on different parts of it. I am so thankful for each & every one of them. I would not be at this point without them.

Now, I am back at the seminary, taking a two week class with my fellow seniors. It is called Integrations & we're talking about ministry & leadership. Especially taking stock of where we are & where we imagine we are headed post-graduation. Although many people often don't care for this course, I think it might be the best class I take at CTS. I'm at a point in my life where I need to take this time to reflect & gather strength for the next steps in my journey.

Thanks be to God for time, for friends, for mentors, for reflection, and for study.

Wading in the Mire

2008-12-05T09:06:00.002-05:00

My sermon I preached this week in Anna's Preacher & the Poet class.

***
Psalm 69:1-3; 13-18 Save me, O God, for the waters have come up to my neck. 2 I sink in deep mire, where there is no foothold; I have come into deep waters, and the flood sweeps over me. 3 I am weary with my crying; my throat is parched. My eyes grow dim with waiting for my God. 13 But as for me, my prayer is to you, O LORD. At an acceptable time, O God, in the abundance of your steadfast love, answer me. With your faithful help 14 rescue me from sinking in the mire; let me be delivered from my enemies and from the deep waters. 15 Do not let the flood sweep over me, or the deep swallow me up, or the Pit close its mouth over me. 16 Answer me, O LORD, for your steadfast love is good; according to your abundant mercy, turn to me. 17 Do not hide your face from your servant, for I am in distress-- make haste to answer me. 18 Draw near to me, redeem me, set me free because of my enemies.

***

Mire. Deep waters. Floods.
Up to your neck, over your head
Eyes weary, parched throat.
Sinking down…
The weight of the world,
pushing on your shoulders;
no relief in sight.

Life is like this sometimes.

There are days, months,
When we find ourselves
where the psalmist is –
confronted by enemies.
Enemies that hurt us –
deeply, leave us wounded
internally.
Wounds so painful, so deep
It feels like being overwhelmed
by deep waters,
by quicksand
with nothing to hold onto.

But,
our enemies are not always external…

Sometimes it is the internal ones
that hurt the most.

The voices flooding the mind
with words that cut like glass.
The feeling of not being able
To move forward, to keep going
The pain is deep.
So real.
Wounds so raw,
opened over and over again.

There are days when
We cannot lift ourselves off the floor.
When the pain is too much
The voices too strong.
The feelings too hard to handle.

The world begins to close in
Leaving us scrambling, reaching
For a lifeline
For a hand to pull us out
Of the quicksand
Of the waters

***
We cry out to God,
Our prayers for help
To save us from this mire
To save us from the deep waters
To save us from ourselves

We cry, so hard it hurts
Our eyes grow weary
Our throats are parched

We cry out to God,
Answer me! Answer me!
I am stuck. I am sinking. I am being swallowed.
Answer me! Answer me,
Please!

We cry out to God,
Where are you?
Can you hear me?
Save me! Help me! Redeem me!
Can you hear me?
I need you.
I can’t save myself
I can’t help myself
I can’t redeem myself.
I need you.

***
The weight of the world might
Be pushing on your shoulders.
But,
Relief is in sight.

For,
in the midst of
The mire that sucks us in
The deep flood waters that overwhelm us
In our tears stained on our faces
In our throats so dry from crying

Is God.

God is there.
It doesn’t always feel like it.

But, God is there.

Abundant mercy,
steadfast love.
God is with us.
Forever.

Do not give up.
We will cry.

But, our tears will not be in vain.

For,
God is with us,
In our tears,
In the hard times,
When we feel overwhelmed
By the floods of internal wounds.
By the mire all around us.

Even though,
Our eyes may grow dim
waiting for our God.
Keep praying.

God hears our prayers,
Although answers come not
When we want them.

At an acceptable time, O God.
in the abundance of your steadfast love, answer me.
What is acceptable?
Only God knows.

So, we keep praying.
We keep reaching.

***

Keep reaching. Keep crying out to God.
Even when it’s hard.
Even when your eyes are weary
Even when your throat is parched
Even when you think you cannot hold on.
Even when you cannot lift yourself off the floor.

Keep reaching out for God.
God is there.
The psalmist never lost hope.
God’s steadfast love is there
For you. For me. For all of us.

God’s abundant mercy and love
will pull us
out of the mire
out of the deep flood waters
into new life.

Keep reaching. Keep praying.
God is there.

Amen.

Thankful and Rejoicing

2008-11-26T06:33:00.004-05:00

I have a lot to be thankful for this year. Yesterday was my appt with the surgeon, and thanks be to God- I don't need surgery! He did another ultrasound & decided it is probably just larger than normal gland, but nothing to worry about. I have a check up in six months to see if anything has changed, but other than that, I'm good to go. I've never been so relieved in my life! It's been such a rough two weeks waiting for answers, not to mention a rough month of stuff. This good news gives me great hope that all will indeed be well, in God's good time.

Later this morning, I'm flying up to Ohio to spend the next few days with my family. I'm thankful for them. We eat really yummy food, watch the Macy's parade, stand in the freezing cold of Friday morning to shop, and celebrate with one another. I'm also glad to be with them this year on my 28th birthday, which is Friday.

It's funny, I heard a sermon in chapel yesterday about thanksgiving & rejoicing. At the time, I couldn't do it- be thankful and rejoice, despite all that was going on. But, now I can. Thanks be to God for my family, my friends who love me & prayed for me, my health, and all of the blessings in my life. I am truly rejoicing!

Get Excited!

2008-10-26T21:49:00.002-04:00

Tonight, I booked my plane ticket for my post-Christmas trip to Laurel, Maryland! I am heading up there on December 27th to spend some time with the LPC crew. I've missed them so much. I'm staying with two of my most favorite people in the world - Ray & Kathy. I love them a lot & it will be wonderful catching up with my surrogate parents. Plus, there will be a big LPC gathering while I'm there. What a great way to spend part of my Christmas break! I'm so excited...

The best people in the world:)

Gifts and Graces

2008-10-23T14:20:00.003-04:00

It is reading/midterm/assessment week at CTS. I only had one midterm, which I took yesterday morning. But, my main event was Monday morning at 8am - my MCA. MCA's are Mid-Course Assessments to evaluate one's progress at CTS and to become a degree candidate. There are three faculty members & two students on an MCA team & mine were wonderful people. For me, this was more of a final assessment, since I am a senior this year & MCA's are normally held during the middler year. But, since I was away on internship last year, I had mine this fall. It was a good process- very thoughtful questions from the team & some rather sage advice about how to make use of these last seven months of seminary.

One thing that keeps coming up for me this week is that I need to accept my gifts & graces. The MCA team mentioned it, my preaching professor said it later that day, & it was brought up at my internship site on Tuesday. I guess God is trying to tell me something! But, by the third time I heard it, I was in tears. I know this is something I need to work on, but I don't know how to go about it. It all stems from the fact that I tend to be quiet. That is who I am. I listen more than I speak. Apparently, this has become an issue. People want me to accept my gifts & graces, and then share them with the world. Lovely thought, but how does one do that exactly?

I'm left rather perplexed by the whole situation.

Made Me Smile

2008-10-21T21:32:00.001-04:00

I saw this quote on a friend's facebook & it made my day...

"i talked to God and She said, 'yo, what's up?'"- Empire Records

(thank you, taylor!)

A Thought from Tonight's Debate

2008-10-07T23:28:00.002-04:00

The question is: how exactly does one nail jello to a wall?

Ask John McCain. He apparently knows how.

Atlanta Greek Festival!

2008-10-05T21:54:00.002-04:00

Last night, a bunch of us went over to the Annual Atlanta Greek Festival, which is held at the Greek Orthodox Church not far from the seminary. It was so much fun! First of all, we rode a school bus from the parking place to the church *which I found VERY FUN* & when we arrived, the place was packed with people. There were booths with food, music playing, dancing, lectures, tons of little shops set up in classrooms inside the cathedral, and best of all...baklava! There was a huge room set up for pastries of all kinds. It was amazing. My friend Kristin & I stood in line for baklava. It was so good! We bought several pieces each so we could have some for breakfast this week. Here we are with our yummy baklava...
Some of the international students went with us & Matt from Cambridge, England had his first piece of baklava & loved it! It was a great evening spent with friends. I came home with two more pieces of yummy goodness, plus a small icon of the Holy Trinity (which look like women) and a set of prayer beads. I think I'll eat my final piece tomorrow morning...yum!

Rough Times in the ATL...

2008-09-27T16:15:00.003-04:00

So, this week has been a rough one around here. First of all, it was a week filled with frustration and tension for me personally & the seminary community. It seems that all (or a vast majority) of us had tough weeks- both in terms of our personal lives & school/class wise. I am certainly glad that the week is over & pray next week brings better things for all of us.

Second, as icing on the cake, my week ended with a car accident. Yesterday morning on my way home from work, I was trying to turn right into a gas station & was rear ended by a 75 year old woman. The good news is that both of our cars were fine- no damage, but the bad news is that I was left with a bad case of whiplash. After spending two & half hours at the doctor, I am now wearing a neck brace and taking lots of medication. But, I am thankful that I was not injured worse nor was my car. However, I am sore & trying to take it easy this weekend.

Third, there is a major gas shortage in Atlanta. This has been going on since Sunday night. Many, many stations around the area are out of gas completely & others only have a limited supply of gas. So, tensions are running high here & people are running out of gas. However, it is being brought on by the fact that some people keep going to stations to top off (out of fear) who do not need the gas, leaving others strained. However, this afternoon, I was able to get $20 of gas in my car, which should last me for a while. I wish people would learn not to panic & just conserve! It would make life better for all of us. The governor said it might be up to 10 days until it is back to normal. Ugh.

My hope & prayer is that life continues to get better here in Atlanta- for all of us!

Struggling...

2008-09-20T21:13:00.003-04:00

It's been two weeks of class & my head is not above the water. I'm having some difficulty adjusting to class, reading, writing papers, etc. It is hard being back at school after being gone for so long. Socially, I feel part of the community for sure, but my struggles are dealing with the amount of stuff on my plate. Compounding it all, I am missing Maryland more than ever. I had a great life there & I had to pack up one more time to come back here. I miss the people, the city, everything. It makes me sad some days. But, I know this is where I am supposed to be right now. I just wish I could keep my head above the water.

Clergy for Obama

2008-09-13T13:55:00.003-04:00

I joined this group on Facebook this morning. It's called "Clergy for Obama". I love their statement:

We are Clergy for Obama.

We believe in Barack Obama’s ability to change this country we love so dearly;

more importantly, we believe in our ability to be the change.

We believe in our ability to create a country where:

all children have nourishing food

the sick can find affordable healthcare

our young adults have real opportunities and a future they can trust

the elderly live securely

and in community women and men have choices about their private lives

armed conflict is a last resort, not a substitute for diplomacy

Together we believe in our ability to move this country

to a politics of hope to a deep regard for the life of the planet and care for all creation

to an investment in programs that work to end poverty to equal pay for equal work

We are children of God.

We are citizens of the United States of America.

We believe now is the time for change.

We are Clergy for Obama.

This is a wonderful statement about what I believe is possible for our country if Obama is elected in November. I urge all of you to make sure you are registered to vote & learn as much as you can about the candidates! Be engaged, watch the debates, discuss your opinions with others, and most of all, make sure you vote on November 4th!

Feeling Slightly Overwhelmed

2008-09-08T22:18:00.002-04:00

These last few days have been a whirlwind! I am beginning to worry that I've bitten off more than I can chew this semester. Taking four classes is crazy enough, but pairing that with working 15 hours a week at Skyland might be too much. I sat through two classes today, which shouldn't be awful, but I just felt a little bit of that familar feeling of being overwhelmed wash over me! These two classes (Ethics & Pastoral Care) are chocked filled with readings & papers- and are intense in different ways. My preaching classes should be less intense, but need my full attention. My clients & work at Skyland deserve my full attention/devotion. Can I really give everything my full attention? Something has to give. When am I going to find time to nourish my soul? What will that look like? Plus, there is a ton of paperwork to be done for MCA, PIF, Final Assessment, etc. Wow. I am tired.

So, I ask for prayers. I'm not sure who reads this blog, but whoever you are...prayers are welcomed!

New Beginnings and New Books

2008-09-03T11:51:00.003-04:00

It's that time again! School has begun here at CTS. After being gone from this community for 15 months, it is going to be a strange experience walking back into the classroom again. My time away doing both CPE in Ohio & my full time internship in Maryland was incredible - I learned so much about myself as a person & as a pastor. Although I loved being away from the pressures of the classroom, there was a part of me that missed it too.

I've got an interesting combination of classes this fall:

Introduction to Pastoral Care (Pamela Cooper-White)
Christian Ethics (Mark Douglas)
Preacher and the Poet (Anna Carter Florence)
Preaching and Worship through the Christian Year (Kim Long)

I'm so excited about these classes & the books look pretty amazing. This is all going to be in combination with my work at Skyland Trail Psychiatric Treatment Center as a chaplain. I'm going to be a really busy person, but I love to stay busy. I tend to function better when I have lots of stuff going on in my life. As you can see in the picture above, this semester will be filled with reading and more reading. It's a good thing I really love books:)

The community is taking shape around here- new juniors, meeting the middlers, and re-aquainting myself with the seniors. I was talking with someone this morning at coffee hour & we were in agreement- we've got a good feeling about the community this year. There are some really wonderful people here!

My prayer is that this will be a good year. I've got lots of stuff to discern...whether to go into parish ministry or chaplaincy... areas where I'd love to live post-CTS... what does God have in store for me... all that good stuff that comes with being a seminary senior. So, I continue to lift my prayers to God for wisdom and for discernment. And then, listen to my heart for answers.

Sabbath & Politics

2008-08-26T14:36:00.006-04:00

Theology ord is over. Now that it is off my list, I can enjoy a week or so of sabbath before starting my last year of seminary classes. I came home to my little, tiny town in Tennessee to spend time with my mom, eat free food, and do some laundry. Of course, this means little access to internet. Right now, I am sitting in the town public library, which is one room. It's funny- I'm used to big libraries at universities & at the seminary, not a one room joint. But, they have free internet, which is a huge help when your family is sans internet connection at the house (we are an old fashioned home without a computer!)

This week, I am enjoying watching the Democratic National Convention. I watch the whole thing- from gavel to gavel- on CSpan. I love it because there are no political pundents & no commentary at all. Just speeches & lots of shots of people dancing on the convention floor. Gotta love Democrats decked out in red, white, & blue with the crazy hats and waving big signs. Last night, Ted Kennedy & Michelle Obama spoke. Both were incredible. This campaign is all about HOPE and CHANGE, not about the status quo political process. I really appreciate it. I'm tired of things being the way they are and I am desperate for change. Obama is a new kind of leader, one the world needs, one that we need here. It's going to happen, I just feel it.

I love that the DNC theme is "Throwing Open the Doors". The Montreat Youth Conference theme this year was "Throw Open the Doors"! There are many moments when I found myself seeing great connection between the PC(USA) & the 2008 Presidential Election. I love that we have a great moderator now in Bruce, who is all about bringing people together & changing the way we do things as a denomination. Barack is all about bringing peoplpe together & solving problems through conversation not violence. I love it. We need a little more idealism, more dreaming, more over-reaching.

I have great hope both for the PC(USA) and for the country. It is time for a change. I know our denomination is facing some hard truths & struggles right now. I wish people were able to see past idological differences & look at each other as HUMAN BEINGS. We are all children of God. Period. That's all that should matter. It seems like we all get stuck thinking about the issues at hand, and not the people. My sincere prayer is that over these next two years, we can come together, despite our differences of opinions on the various issues & work together to build up the PC(USA) and not continue to tear it down.

We need change. We need hope. Change & hope. It is possible.

Thoughts about ords studying...

2008-08-19T14:35:00.002-04:00

I'm hold up in the CTS library this afternoon- studying for my theology ordination exam. It's crazy nuts! There are numerous topics & only four will actually be on the exam. So, one must study a myriad of things to prepare. Today's topics to tackle: Biblical interpretation (as found in Book of Confessions); implications of baptism for the Christian life; relationship between inner sense of call & affirmation of the people of God; nature & purpose of the church (as found in BOC); reformed understanding of faith; church growth & evangelism; and God alone being Lord of the conscience. Whew. That's a lot to handle! And, I've limited myself to three hours a day this week. There is only so much my brain can manage at one time.

As a reward post-exam on Friday, I am headed home (doesn't sound that great, huh?). This way, I can rest, eat for free, do some laundry for free, and watch the Democratic National Convention with my mother (who will probably sleep through most of it!). I know that many of my dear friends will be working hard on the Biblical Exegesis exam through next week, so I will be all alone. No fun, so spending time with my mom while my dad is traveling for his sabbatical sounds like a good option.

As a final note as I head back to studying...I saw this saying on a friend's magnetic poetry on facebook & it made me smile: "Yesterday is tomorrow's joy held today". I love that. May there be great joy for you tomorrow! Peace & happy studying:)

Montreat Ends, New Beginnings

2008-08-16T20:36:00.004-04:00

I survived four weeks of Montreat...barely. It was a great experience- all four weeks of keynote, worship, music, small groups, fun times on the 3rd floor of Assembly. Here's my last small group (group 42!)...

After Montreat, I headed home to Tennessee for some much needed rest & relaxation. I enjoyed my two weeks at home. It did me some good. Now, I'm back in Atlanta to study for the theology ordination exam & get ready for my last year of seminary. In addition to taking classes, I'll be working as a chaplain at Skyland Trail, which is a residential & day psychatric treatment center. I'm really excited about getting started with this new ministry!

I must admit that I feel a little awkward being back at CTS. I've been gone for 15 months & it is going to take some time to go through this re-entry process. But, I met a lot of the new students last night, which was great. I feel good about being back for the most part. I'm a little worried about being here for the next two & half weeks until classes start- I know that I will get very lonely & sad. I'm so used to being very busy & surrounded by lots of people. It's going to take some getting used to & I'm trying to focus on the good things!

One More Week...

2008-07-26T09:33:00.004-04:00

My marathon Montreat experience this summer is beginning to wind down! I have one more week of small group leading! It's been a really good experience, but I am so tired! I find it difficult to stay up at night to socialize now, but three years ago, I could stay up late & get up in the morning without too much difficulty. I think I've aged quite a bit in three years!

Omega is going well. My small group this past week was much different than the previous two, but still a great group of youth. I had fun! Here's some of them...

One more week... I'm just glad that many of the SGLs are staying for the final week of MYC '08!

Theta Done...Omega Begins!

2008-07-23T21:23:00.005-04:00

So, Theta weeks are over now & Omega weeks 5 & 6 have begun! It's crazy that I've been in Montreat since July 4th. Last week, I had one of the best small groups I've ever had in my 6 years of being an SGL. I really enjoyed witnessing their conversations and love for each other. It was a wonderful experience & one that will stay with me for a long time.

Group 27 (week 4)! Lots of love here:)

As I said, Omega has indeed begun. The leadership is truly amazing- Aimee Wallis Buchanan & Bill Buchanan (keynoters), Michelle Thomas-Bush (preacher), Jorge Gonzalez (music), and Lindsey Wells Peery & Barry French (rec leaders). The keynote has been really awesome- Aimee & Bill brought a youth drama team with them who are simply outstanding. Michelle's sermons are truly inspiring. Music & rec- outstanding! I've really enjoyed this week so far.

Last night, we were blessed with a concert from David LaMotte! Wow. He played one of my favorite songs "Hold On", which truly spoke to the themes of this conference. There were moments when I simply closed my eyes & let the music just overwhelm me. I'm sad that this could be my last chance to see him live before he moves to Australia, but I'm glad it was here in Montreat.

I love this place. It truly feeds my soul. I love being able to connect with new people & reconnect with old friends! This is the place that nurtured me when I was discerning my call to ministry. These people are the ones who've carried me through some hard times & loved me regardless of anything I could do. I'm really happy that I was blessed with the chance to spend four weeks here before heading back to CTS. I needed this!

One Down...Three to Go!

2008-07-11T17:05:00.002-04:00

I've finished one week of my four week Montreat SGL marathon! It was a roller coaster of a week...my group was great, a little loud at times, but overall, a great group of youth who have amazing ideas for our church! Thanks be to God for that. Tonight is candlelight, which is always lovely and emotional for the youth. I've really enjoyed seeing old friends & meeting new SGLs. Mostly, I am looking forward to sleeping in tomorrow & enjoying the day off!

Here's some pictures from Small Group 27...

J Diggs & Nick Rizzle

2008-07-10T13:24:00.000-04:00

Check out the best rec event commercial EVER...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TddZbPTFudM

Nick and Jeffery are simply amazing!

I Love Montreat

2008-07-06T17:26:00.004-04:00

I'm in Montreat for the next four weeks for Youth Conferences (Theta & Omega). I've been looking forward to this for months. The best part is being able to share these next two weeks with my good friend Whitney. We've been here for the last couple of days getting ready & tonight is when it all begins! I can't wait to be in Anderson Auditorium with 1200 youth & adults singing & getting excited for an awesome week! Here's to "throwing open the doors".

New Moderator & GA stuff

2008-06-25T13:29:00.004-04:00

I know I'm a little late posting this, but I was a little busy over the last few days (preaching, driving to Atlanta, moving boxes, interviewing, and driving back to Tennessee). But, we have a new moderator of the Presbyterian Church (USA): Bruce Reyes-Chow! This is so exciting. He is a pastor from San Francisco, frequent Montreater, and blogger extraordinaire. I feel the PCUSA is in excellent hands.

To learn more about Bruce, check out:
His personal blog
The moderator blog

General Assembly... I wish I was there! Maybe in two years. Lots of stuff is happening, especially when it comes to the dreaded "Amendment B". But, we'll see what happens next, now that the Church Orders committee has passed 41-11 to recommend to delete G-6.0106b — which requires “fidelity within the covenant of marriage between a man and a woman or chastity in singleness” for church officers — from the Presbyterian Church (U.S.A.)’s Book of Order.

To learn more about GA & what's happening...
PC(USA) website
Presbyterian Outlook Blog from GA

Home in the Mountains

2008-06-15T17:25:00.004-04:00

My time in Maryland is over & this past Monday, I traveled the 8 hours through most of Virginia to little, ol' Greeneville, TN. I really miss LPC very, very much, but there is something very comforting about being here with family, surrounded by the beautiful Blue Ridge & Smoky Mountains. This week has been filled with good food, lazy mornings, time with Mom & Dad, and seeing people from my home church. Although I don't really consider this place home, I do love spending time here. It's very quiet- no loud traffic or sirens. Just peaceful quiet days with afternoon rain showers & sunny evenings. I love looking out the back windows of my family's home at the mountains. There is something about it that reminds me of God's love and grace. It's nice to be here.

Update (7.5.08)- Here are some pictures of home...enjoy!

Surreal becoming real

2008-05-29T09:39:00.004-04:00

Surreal. That's how I've been feeling these past few days. It just doesn't seem possible that I am leaving in 11 days. I feel like I've been walking around in this cloud, but it's starting to hit me now. I was just reading an email about getting together for lunch with some church people & I realized this would be the last time. On June 9th, I will pack my car & drive the long 8 hours to Tennessee to my family's home. I won't be coming to the church in the mornings anymore. It is so hard to swallow. Reality is setting in now.

I'm working on my final sermon for the 8th. My thoughts are to weave the call story of Abram with my own story. I find great beauty when weaving biblical narratives with our own stories. God shines through it. But, this is one of the hardest sermons I've ever written. Right now, it's just notes & my initial thoughts. I can't seem to move past that stage. It makes me rather sad, even though I have great hope & faith things will be even better from here on out. Saying goodbye is so hard.

Tonight, is my final choir rehearsal. This choir has been through so much over these last few years and I've grown so close to them. Saying some parting words to them is surreal still for me. I don't know what I will say tonight. I trust the Spirit will guide me.

Tears are welling up in my eyes...this is going to be a hard 11 days. Prayers requested.

Meant to Be

2008-05-22T14:56:00.003-04:00

This past weekend, I traveled back to Atlanta to celebrate my friends & classmates as they graduated from Columbia Theological Seminary. It was a bittersweet time for me- I took this year to intern & learn more about myself & ministry, and these are the people I began seminary with & now they are done. I wouldn't change this year for anything. But, I did find myself several times feeling rather awkward about being there. Everyone has moved on & I've missed so much this year. I have to reconnect & learn about people all over again. As I watched my friends & classmates walk down the aisle of Peachtree Presbyterian Church, wearing their caps & gowns, I knew I was not meant to walk with them. I was meant to sit in the pew and celebrate their accomplishments. God brought me here to Laurel, Maryland to allow me the time & space to grow in my ministry. And, it has been a rewarding, rich experience. I know that when I step back into the classroom, surrounded by friends, I will have new perspectives on ministry & take with me a whole new set of questions informed by my time here. Some things are meant to be. This is one of them. Thanks be to God.

Longest Nine Days

2008-05-13T09:41:00.003-04:00

It's been a really long nine days for me. It all started at 6:45am last Sunday morning when my phone rang. It was our church organist, Pat, and she tells me that her husband Ron passed away. Ron was a beloved member of LPC, a current elder, sang in the choir, and I had traveled with him to Mississippi back in February. To top it all off, I was in charge on Sunday since Amy was out of town. After wrapping my mind around what just happened, I made my way over to the church, mentally preparing myself to be the one who needed to tell people about Ron. I called Amy & our choir director, Matt. Before the first service, I pulled aside as many elders & people who I knew had a connection with Ron to tell them first before I made the announcement at the beginning of the service. Then, we needed someone to play the piano for the service & thank goodness someone stepped up. When I announced it, there was this audiable gasp. It broke my heart. I changed the liturgy & my sermon on my feet, trying to pay tribute to this incredible person, who I've gotten to know over these last nine months. The service went fine & by the time the second service began, everyone had heard the news. Needless to say, I could not wait for it to be over.

I visited with the family after church & Amy arrived soon afterwards. We listened to Pat, his wife & his daughter Marie tell us about what happened & about Ron's life. When I got home that afternoon, I simply collapsed onto the couch. I felt like there was nothing left inside of me to give. I'd been responsible for too much that day.

As I made my way through the next few days, I took time to grieve for Ron. I knew him well, had many conversations with him, and learned so much from him. He was a brilliant man, studied astronomy, and worked as a systems engineer for orbiting observatories including the Hubble Space Telescope. But, Ron was also a man of deep faith. He worked on so many different projects around the church & had just started a term as an elder back in January.

The visitation was Thursday night. There were so many people there. I know Pat, Marie, and his son Mark were comforted by the presence of so many friends. Ron's memorial service was on Friday morning. It was a beautiful service, filled with music & words about his life. This sums it all up: "He taught us all how to use our minds to serve God, and we give thanks that he has been called home to his Maker, where he can contemplate the workings of the universe."

I know that I learned a lot in these last nine days about ministry. And, I know that I am capable of handling crises in the moment. It was also a humbling experience for me.

I'm tired. That is an understatement. This work is so personal, you put so much of your heart & yourself into your ministry. If you are not careful, you can be completely drained. I don't think I'm there, but I know I need some time to refresh, replenish, and recharge.

Thanks be to God for the life of Ron. May he have eternal rest cradled in the arms of God.

Leap of Faith

2008-04-29T18:13:00.005-04:00

Not sure what's going on, but I think reality is setting in. I'm leaving Laurel in 40 days. Wow. That's scary! For the first time in my life, I feel really settled & happy. But, once again I have to uproot myself & go back to Atlanta. There's a part of me that is stoked to be going back to CTS in the fall, but my heart is really here. I've loved every moment here, even the tough ones. I learned so much about myself over these last eight months. I had to do this for myself, to get away from the pressures & frustrations of seminary, and honestly regain my footing after all that happened last spring. I know I was supposed to be here. I wouldn't change it for anything in the world.

I think reality is hitting in the face...probably doesn't help that I've gotten rejection emails for jobs back in Atlanta for next year. I'm out of options for right now. I'm bummed. I guess I'm getting a taste of the call process I'll be facing in less than a year. I'm still trying to hold onto hope that it will all work out on God's good time, not my own.

It's just hard to think about leaving my life here to go back to one, where everyone has moved on. I don't feel like I'm a part of the CTS community anymore- so much has happened to my friends & to me. It will be a tough transition to make. Another leap of faith.

Not ready to jump...not just yet.

Squirrels Like Cookies

2008-04-21T12:48:00.007-04:00

Over these last few weeks, I've had several odd encounters with members of God's creation. There were the pair of ducks waddling across the Chick-fil-A parking lot (who I had to stop and wait for to cross before driving on), the wild turkey walking outside my office window, the giant bee who suddenly split into two (not kidding), and then this squirrel on the National Mall near the Lincoln Memorial.

Yes. He is trying to get the cookie. Here's the story. I was eating a cookie & was full, so I threw the remander in the trash can & sat on the bench. This crazy booger jumped into the trash can & got the cookie. This made me laugh! Basically, he ripped up the bag to get the cookie. He loved it. And, the best part...about 20 people stopped to take pictures. He hammed it up for the cameras. Check it out...

Who knew squirrels like cookies?

A Rose is a Rose...

2008-04-08T11:02:00.002-04:00

Ugh. Seriously? Why do I keep watching it? The Bachelor. It's nuts. I think it might be an addiction to reality television. So, the newest season of The Bachelor is underway- it's been on for about four weeks now, I think. His name is Matt Grant from London. I must admit, he's eye candy for sure. However, after just a few short weeks, these girls claim to be in love with Matt. Why do they believe in finding love on a television show, with cameras and scripted rose ceremonies? And, my favorite part: the host Chris Harrison enters when there is one rose left and announces "Ladies, Matt, this is the final rose of the night. When you're ready..." Hello, Captain Obvious! No matter how many times I watch it, it still makes me laugh. It's funny.

As much as I love watching the show (or I can't manage to pull myself away...), I must admit it can make single women wish they were in a relationship. I know I've felt this way after watching it. You want to find a man who will love you for who you are & sweep you off your feet. Of course, I don't want to go on national television to find love. But, where are these great single guys? Are they out there?

I really need to not watch The Bachelor anymore....

PresbyMeme

2008-04-03T10:11:00.008-04:00

Ok, so I've been tagged! Bruce Reyes-Chow started this whole PresbyMeme thing & somehow it made it to me. Wow. It's kind of like a chain letter...but all about answering Presbyterian questions. So, I guess I'll give it a try.

Here's the rules:

(1) In about 25 words, answer each of the 5 questions
(2) Tag 5 Presbyterian bloggers & send them a note telling them they've been tagged.

(3) Be sure to link or send a trackback to this post (not sure what that's about...)

Question 1: What is your earliest memory of being distinctly Presbyterian?

Well, I grew up Presbyterian. I guess it would be going to Camp Crestfield in Slippery Rock, PA as a kid for summer camp. It was cool to think all of these kids are Presbyterian just like me! I spent lots of time at Crestfield, which is Pittsburgh Presbytery's camp.

Question 2: On what issue/question should the PC(USA) spend LESS energy & time?

There are many issues, but I would go with focusing on the differences between people, whether it is race, gender, sexual orientation, etc. I see this happening too much in the world as well as within our denomination.

Question 3: On what issue/question should the PC(USA) spend MORE energy & time?

Encouraging young adults to be active in the church! Developing great programming & support for local churches to engage this demographic.

Question 4: If you could have the PC(USA) focus on one passage of scripture for an entire year, what would it be?

Hands down, I Corinthians 12:12-31. One body, many members. It's talked about a lot, but it's so important!

Question 5: If the PC(USA) were an animal, what would it be & why?

A turtle. We move slowly along the path, protecting ourselves with the hard outer shell, and sometimes get stuck on our backs!

So, I guess I need to tag people now. The only problem is that everyone I know has been tagged, except for my friend Rob. Oh well- Rob can pass it on.

(image from krittercards.com)

Hosanna! Hosanna!

2008-03-16T19:51:00.003-04:00

Hosanna! Hosanna!
Preached at Laurel Presbyterian Church
March 16, 2008
Texts: Matthew 21:1-11; Psalm 118: 1-2 & 19-29

Psalm 118:1-2; 19-29 O give thanks to the LORD, for he is good; his steadfast love endures forever! 2 Let Israel say, "His steadfast love endures forever." 19 Open to me the gates of righteousness, that I may enter through them and give thanks to the LORD. 20 This is the gate of the LORD; the righteous shall enter through it. 21 I thank you that you have answered me and have become my salvation. 22 The stone that the builders rejected has become the chief cornerstone. 23 This is the LORD's doing; it is marvelous in our eyes. 24 This is the day that the LORD has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it. 25 Save us, we beseech you, O LORD! O LORD, we beseech you, give us success! 26 Blessed is the one who comes in the name of the LORD. We bless you from the house of the LORD. 27 The LORD is God, and he has given us light. Bind the festal procession with branches, up to the horns of the altar. 28 You are my God, and I will give thanks to you; you are my God, I will extol you. 29 O give thanks to the LORD, for he is good, for his steadfast love endures forever.

Matthew 21:1-11 When they had come near Jerusalem and had reached Bethphage, at the Mount of Olives, Jesus sent two disciples, 2 saying to them, "Go into the village ahead of you, and immediately you will find a donkey tied, and a colt with her; untie them and bring them to me. 3 If anyone says anything to you, just say this, 'The Lord needs them.' And he will send them immediately. " 4 This took place to fulfill what had been spoken through the prophet, saying, 5 "Tell the daughter of Zion, Look, your king is coming to you, humble, and mounted on a donkey, and on a colt, the foal of a donkey." 6 The disciples went and did as Jesus had directed them; 7 they brought the donkey and the colt, and put their cloaks on them, and he sat on them. 8 A very large crowd spread their cloaks on the road, and others cut branches from the trees and spread them on the road. 9 The crowds that went ahead of him and that followed were shouting, "Hosanna to the Son of David! Blessed is the one who comes in the name of the Lord! Hosanna in the highest heaven!" 10 When he entered Jerusalem, the whole city was in turmoil, asking, "Who is this?" 11 The crowds were saying, "This is the prophet Jesus from Nazareth in Galilee."

I have strong memories of Palm Sunday. When I was a little girl, living on the west coast of Florida, the children were given palm branches to wave as we marched down the center aisle of the sanctuary in worship. Now, think about this, is it really a great idea to give four year olds a large palm branch and ask them to wave it around? While I know it is a great way to get children involved in the worship service, and it does have the added factor of being rather adorable, seeing young children waving palms in the air, it may not be the best idea in the world. And on that particular Palm Sunday, instead of waving the palms up and down, I, along with many of my friends, waved them from side to side and basically whapped all the people in the pews all the way down the aisle. It was certainly a joyful expression of the triumphal entry of the Son of David.

The crowds gathered on that day in Jerusalem, lots of them, and I am sure there were many children in attendance. All of them were curious about this Jesus figure, who they have come to believe is the Son of David, this amazing prophet who came from Nazareth in Galilee, who they believed would be the one to bring change. As Matthew’s account tells us, the large crowd gathered with branches from the trees, waving them and laying them down on the ground for the donkey to walk across. They shouted out load- Hosanna! Hosanna! Blessed is the one who comes in the name of the Lord! Hosanna in the highest heaven! It must have been an incredible scene to witness. I am sure you can sense the level of excitement growing in the crowd as Jesus approached on the donkey, the wonder in the eyes of the children, the awe they must have felt when he passed by. It was a moment of praise and honor for the prophet and the one they came to know as the Son of David.

We are in the midst of a highly contested political season- one where the central theme is change. Clinton, Obama, and McCain are all making these campaign promises that they are indeed the one who can bring lasting change to America, something most of the country is crying out for! We get so fired up when we think about change and this is no more evident than in the crowds each of these candidates are drawing to their rallies around the country. We are like the crowd gathered on the streets of Jerusalem – we are in awe of the one who promises the change we want to see in our lives.

Although we know that in just a few short days Jesus will be crucified, and he knew it too, he still manages to ride into the streets atop a donkey, surrounded by people shouting and lifting high their praises. For those who were in church last Sunday morning, you were blessed to hear the choir sing Faure’s Requiem. The third movement is one entitled Sanctus. It is a beautiful movement, with a quiet, melodious tone to it, which comes in between two pieces with a much more somber tone and words. The climax of the movement is when the words “Hosanna, Hosanna, in excelsis” are proclaimed with great exuberance, but then the moment quickly fades away. It reminds me of the scene in this passage- the entry of Jesus into Jerusalem, with the people shouting their praises, proclaiming the Son of David has indeed come, fulfilling the promises of the prophets from long ago. However, soon after the parade dies down, their loud praises will be turned into shouts of “Crucify him! Crucify him!” The brief moment of excitement has passed and the brokenness of the world once again takes over. Their recognition was a fleeting moment; maybe they never really recognized him at all.

One of the questions we are faced with is how is Christ made known to us in our lives today? It might be easy to see Jesus during the mountaintop experience, but what happens when it is not that easy? We all are forced to come face to face with the brokenness in our lives, especially during the times when we cry out loud, “where are you, Jesus?” I have been asking where Jesus is in the situation of my friend, who is dying of cancer at age 26. My cries often involve- I don’t understand why this is happening and I don’t know where you are. Aren’t you supposed to come and make everything better? She’s too young. What about her little girls? I know many of you have faced similar situations with your loved ones and friends.

I know the question came up during our recent mission trip to Mississippi. Many of us thought we were going down there to make a difference! We did some hard work, but walked away with mixed feelings about whether or not we made a tangible difference. The family situations at our work sites were not all ideal and at some points overwhelming. All we could do was paint a wall, but this does not seem to make a difference when there is so many other dynamics at work. So, it leaves us with a sense of uncertainty and brokenness. Where were you, Jesus?

The answer is not easy to come by. But, we want answers, because it is much easier than living in the uncertainty and brokenness. Most of the time, we don’t even want to acknowledge the brokenness – we thrive on avoidance. We tell the world and even tell ourselves that we are fine, we aren’t broken. But, the truth is, we are broken. It is a hard thing to admit sometimes- it is much easier to continue telling ourselves everything is fine. When someone asks us “How are you?”, we just simply give the standard answer of “I’m great, how are you?”. We avoid telling people what is really going on in our lives for many reasons, maybe because we are fearful that we will completely fall apart if we give into the brokenness in our lives.

However, it is Jesus, who rides into our lives, into the broken cities that exist within us and around us, to bring the good news of God’s love and mercy. Jesus recognizes our brokenness. People gathered in the streets that day, not even knowing they were broken inside, just like us. But, God meets us in our broken places, the places where we feel scared, desperate, and most in need of the grace only God can give us, through Christ. That is the power of the image of Jesus riding into the city atop a donkey. He came to us, he came for us. I am sure many of those gathered that day were in need of grace and healing, just as we are today. I am sure they heard rumors of this Jesus who was teaching a new way to live and healing those around him. They were curious and so they gathered on those streets that day. So, we gather today, as the body of Christ, seeking something as well. We live in a world, full of violence and so much need. We are living in a world that is suffocating from greed and poverty, abundance and hunger, McMansions and cardboard boxes, filled with broken people and avoidance. And, our individual lives are filled with broken places- our family relationships, illnesses, grief, hostility, and insecurity.

We want to be able to truly shout with great exuberance, Hosanna! Hosanna in the highest heaven! But, we need to be able to proclaim this from a real and authentic place inside of ourselves, not just going through the motions because it is what is expected of us as people of faith. During my first year of seminary, Walter Brueggemann, noted Old Testament scholar, guest lectured my Old Testament class. While I can’t recall all of the wonderful things he spoke so eloquently about that day on the book of Isaiah, I do remember this: he said to us, in a passing comment, “You cannot proclaim saving truth out of a life of pretend”. Living a life of pretend – that is what we do, because it is much easier and there is a real sense of comfort, because when we are living in this way, we do not have to face the brokenness. Our instinct is to focus on the joyful Hosanna in the passage, wave our palms in the air, and sing loud our praises – not dwell in the reality that lies behind the text. We want to continue living our lives of pretend, where we keep placing our hope in the fleeting promises of change. We clamor for the change we so desperately want for ourselves and for our world. We want the Savior to ride into our broken cities atop a white horse and bring change, but by our own standards. This is what the people gathered on the streets of Jerusalem wanted – for Jesus to take away the brokenness – to make things better in their eyes. Thus, they shouted Hosanna! While Jesus did come to bring change, the brokenness remained. And, this is where we live our lives, amidst the tension between Hosanna and brokenness, and words simply do not do justice to the difficulty of living in this liminal space.

Even though we struggle to find the words, we must trust that the saving truth lies in God’s love and mercy shown to us in the person of Jesus Christ, the one who rode into town on the back of a lowly donkey. God’s love and mercy will indeed shine through the brokenness inside of us and around us.

And so, as we enter into this Holy Week, with all its emotion, let us begin to acknowledge those hard, broken places that lie deep within us. Let us be open to Jesus’ entrance into that brokenness. The palms we have in our hands have been turned into crosses, symbols of what is to come at the end of the week. Take a good look at it- you will notice the cross is empty. It is a sign of hope and speaks of Jesus’ resurrection and the ultimate act of forgiveness for us as broken people. So, we continue to live this life as people of faith, people of hope- being willing to acknowledge our brokenness and willing to allow God to come into those broken places; all the while, keeping our eyes, ears, and hearts open to where Christ is being made known to us. May we keep moving forward towards the place where we can truly exclaim with our whole hearts, Hosanna! Hosanna in the highest! Amen.

Making the Best...

2008-03-14T14:18:00.004-04:00

This year has certainly flown by! I just can't believe my time in Laurel is winding down. I've really loved living up here this year. This was certainly the best decision I've made- I really needed to get away. Over these last seven months, I've learned more about myself, both personally & as a pastor. I am really grateful for this opportunity.

But, I am sad about leaving here. Ministry is all about relationships & I've established some wonderful ones at LPC. It makes me sad to think I won't be around next year to see what happens next. I won't be around to see Abby running around the nursery, have conversations with Millie, or see how the whole visioning process turns out. I will miss these people so much, and there will always be a special place in my heart for each of them.

So, I am trying to make the best of the time I have left in Maryland. This means squeezing in time to do lots of stuff. The things I still want to do are...

See the Cherry Blossom trees in bloom in DC
Drink lots of tea at College Perk Coffeehouse
Hit up the National Gallery of Art at least one more time
Visit the Air & Space Museum
Try to get to NYC again
Eat some more Maryland crab cakes
Go & walk the beach at Ocean City
Shop in Georgetown- specifically Dean & Deluca
Spend time with my Laurel friends

I know the time is coming to an end, but there is a lot to look forward to! Seeing friends at CTS at graduation in May, possibly going to Colorado in late June, spending the month of July in Montreat, getting back to ATL & enjoying all my fave hangout spots again. Life keeps moving on.

There will be many tears shed between now & when I get back to school in the fall. Hopefully, this is just the beginning of many adventures in my life.

Really?

2008-03-04T16:27:00.003-05:00

I think I may have just read the most ridiculous news article ever. It was on MSNBC.com this afternoon.

Was Moses high on Mount Sinai?
Study claims he was high when he brought down the Ten Commandments

JERUSALEM - When Moses brought the Ten Commandments down from Mount Sinai, he may have been high on a hallucinogenic plant, according to a new study by an Israeli psychology professor.

Writing in the British journal Time and Mind, Benny Shanon of Jerusalem’s Hebrew University said two plants in the Sinai desert contain the same psychoactive molecules as those found in plants from which the powerful Amazonian hallucinogenic brew ayahuasca is prepared.
The thunder, lightning and blaring of a trumpet which the Book of Exodus says emanated from Mount Sinai could just have been the imaginings of a people in an “altered state of awareness,” Shanon hypothesized.

“In advanced forms of ayahuasca inebriation, the seeing of light is accompanied by profound religious and spiritual feelings,” Shanon wrote.

“On such occasions, one often feels that in seeing the light, one is encountering the ground of all Being ... many identify this power as God.”

Shanon wrote that he was very familiar with the affects of the ayahuasca plant, having “partaken of the ... brew about 160 times in various locales and contexts.”

He said one of the psychoactive plants, harmal, found in the Sinai and elsewhere in the Middle East, has long been regarded by Jews in the region as having magical and curative powers.

Some biblical scholars were unimpressed. Orthodox rabbi Yuval Sherlow told Israel Radio: “The Bible is trying to convey a very profound event. We have to fear not for the fate of the biblical Moses, but for the fate of science.”

quarterlife

2008-02-27T13:59:00.002-05:00

I’ve been mulling some things over these past few days. Each time I sat down at my computer to write a blog entry, I didn’t know where to start, so I simply walked away. I’ve been thinking about my life lately, taking stock on where I am and where I want to go in the future. Also, the things I am currently reading and watching on television are making me think as well. The other night, I was watching a new show called quarterlife on NBC. It started off as an internet show and moved to the network lineup during this time of recovery from the writer’s strike. quarterlife is about these six friends, all in their mid-twenties, post-college, who are trying to figure what they are supposed to be doing with their lives. The main character, Dylan, writes a blog called quarterlife.com and she begins blogging about her friends. I am intrigued by her musings on several subjects, but mainly about her desperate quest for finding the meaning in her life. I can certainly relate to her. Over these last several years, I have struggled with the very same conundrum. After spending these last seven months in Maryland, I have a clearer sense of my call to ministry and some of the areas I want to pursue within the church. Thank goodness, because I spent my first two years of seminary being consumed by the pressures of academic study and living within the bubble of Columbia Seminary. I was literally suffocating in my life and needed to get away so that I could breathe again. I don’t mean to insult any of my classmates or professors at CTS, but the pressure around that place can become rather overwhelming at times, I think they would all agree with that statement. LPC has provided me the space and time I needed to breathe again, to sharpen my skills and gifts for ministry, and open new doors of opportunity. I am grateful. More than words can express.

I really love quarterlife. I love that it is written and shot in a postmodern way, because it is rather appealing to those of us who revel in postmodernity. It portrays people in their twenties in a good light, not as slackers, but as people who are genuinely struggling with issues of life and meaning. I encourage all of you to watch it sometime. I think it will be airing on Sunday nights at 9pm for now on.

So, I am also reading this amazing book: Everything Must Change by Brian McLaren. I’ve been wanting to read it for several months now, and I planning on teaching a five week course on it in April at the church. I love the book for several reasons. One is that it has a healthy mix of politics and religion, which I absolutely love. Another reason is that it does give a new voice in the conversation about the future of the church (not just my denomination, but the church in general). McLaren speaks about a new alternative to approaching global issues by reinterpreting the teachings of Jesus Christ. I think he is really on to something here- things must change! We live in a world consumed by poverty, greed, inequality, hunger, abundance. It frustrates me to no end when I think about how our government spends money- we literally spend more money on intellengance & defense than anything else. While I do want have security, I am more concerned about feeding & educating people as well as preserving our planet. I will make a rather strong statement here, and if you don’t agree with me, that’s ok. I believe war is wrong. All war is crime. How can we continue this cycle of violence? Violence begets more violence. That seems to come up in just about all my sermons- I think it’s because it is a central belief of mine. I don’t know. I recommend reading this book. I think it’s pretty awesome.

I’ve been thinking lately also that I never really had much to say of great substance on this blog. So many of my friends and other blogs I read have a great deal to say about issues of faith, politics, or recommendations for good books. They have interesting, new ideas to share. I always chose to write about my life and what is happening. One thing Dylan on quarterlife said that stuck with me was the question of why do we blog? Believe me, I’ve asked that same question many times. I started this blog back at the beginning of my second year of seminary, after a failed attempt before, and thought it would be a good way to let people know what I was up to. Now, I am not so sure. I do know that I want to share more of my thoughts on faith, politics, and emerging church on my blog. So, I invite the handful of you who actually read this to stay tuned. There is more to come…

Red Beans, White Nosehairs: A Mississippi Love Story in Three & 1/2 Acts

2008-02-25T12:40:00.005-05:00

So, I just returned from a two week journey that took me to San Diego, California and Long Beach, Mississippi. My week in California was wonderful- I attended the Association of Presbyterian Church Educators Annual Event. Rodger Nishioka was the keynoter- he was fantastic as always. I spent my week catching up with old friends, lounging in the sun, attending wonderful workshops, and I came home with tons of new ideas and more importantly, about 15 new books! Yay!

Now, onto the main event: LPC's mission trip to Long Beach, Mississippi. Wow, it was so much fun! There were 25 of us from LPC (which included 4 father-child duos) and we were joined by 2 members of Vienna Pres in VA- Randi & Beth. We worked at five different work sites, doing lots of drywall work! My team was indeed the best!! There were seven of us working at Moses & Myrtle's house- this very sweet, older African-American couple. We spent our week sanding, mudding, and priming their house (which was 2,000 square feet with 10 rooms!). After four days of long, hard work, we managed (along with reinforcements throughout the week) to sand and mud all of the rooms and prime three of them.

The best part of the week was when our lovely homeowners provided us with lunch- homemade fried chicken, red beans & rice, and cornbread. It was truly amazing. While Moses & Myrtle have very little of their own, they provided us with wonderful hospitality.

In terms of the title of this post, needless to say, we inhailed a ton of white dust! Our team kept the mood light- lots of laughter and inside jokes, along with words of day. I got to know Erin, Elden, Steve, Barb, Mike, and Dixie on a whole other level. I love each of them & I am grateful for their friendships.

We stayed at Long Beach Presbyterian Church- bunk beds, outdoor showers, not much else. But, we had a good time. Ate tons of food - Darwells, Lil Ray's, Cajun Catfish Hut. It was fun. We're very sore, pretty darn tired, but humbled by the experience. Let's say we felt the Mississippi mojo!

Bibles, Blogs, and Ministry

2008-02-25T12:35:00.004-05:00

My friend Adam asked several of us to participate in a guest blogger series on Ministry and the Bible. Mine is now posted on his blog along with the other eight entries. Adam is interning over in Scotland this year and always has interesting things to say! I encourage you to check out his blog!

A Bible, a Bookshelf, and a Hospital Bed

by Erin Kobs

I have this little Bible with a black leather cover. I carried it with me during my rounds when I was a chaplain at a hospital this past summer. There were times when I used it, especially when patients requested to hear some scripture. The floor where I used it the most was the inpatient psychiatric floor. I spent a good amount of time on the 5th floor. There are two times that stand out in my mind. One was with a patient who requested a chaplain read scripture to her as she was going to sleep each night. So, I spent several nights sitting by her bed, reading portions of Proverbs, which she found comforting. Another time was with a patient who was having a difficult time being in the hospital. I remember sitting with him, listening to his struggles, and I offered to read him a passage from Isaiah 54, verses 7-10. He found great comfort in those verses, and then was able to open up to me more about what was really going on for him. It was a truly powerful experience. The nurses commented they noticed a difference in him after that, and they were always truly grateful for chaplains who were able to communicate with patients on a whole other level.

My Bible went with me everywhere those three months. Sometimes, I never opened it in patient’s rooms, because conversation and prayer was all they wanted or needed, but it was always there. I treasure each of the holy moments I spent with people, all of the tears shed, all of it.

Now, my Bible sits on my desk at the church alongside my Book of Order, PC(USA) Hymnal, and my Book of Common Worship. I mostly use it to plan liturgies, write sermons, or look up passages for the coming Sunday. I never take it with me when I go on visitations in hospitals or homes. The pastor I work with does not carry one either. Instead, we have conversations with people and pray with them. Although, my Bible is not with me during these times, I know it informs what I do and what I say. I must admit, I miss it sometimes.

Being Tempted With Christ

2008-02-09T20:24:00.001-05:00

I thought I'd post my sermon for tomorrow. I'd love some feedback (provided if anyone actually reads my blog!).

Being Tempted with Christ
Preached at Laurel Presbyterian Church
February 10, 2008
Texts: Genesis 2:15-17 & 3:1-7; Matthew 4:1-11

Matthew 4:1-11 1 Then Jesus was led up by the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted by the adversary. 2 He fasted forty days and forty nights, and afterwards he was famished. 3 The tempter came and said to him, "If you are the Son of God, command these stones to become loaves of bread." 4 But he answered, "It is written, 'One does not live by bread alone, but by every word that comes from the mouth of God.'" 5 Then the adversary took him to the holy city and placed him on the pinnacle of the temple, 6 saying to him, "If you are the Son of God, throw yourself down; for it is written, 'He will command his angels concerning you,' and 'On their hands they will bear you up, so that you will not dash your foot against a stone.'" 7 Jesus said to him, "Again it is written, 'Do not put the Lord your God to the test.'" 8 Again, the adversary took him to a very high mountain and showed him all the kingdoms of the world and their splendor; 9 and he said to him, "All these I will give you, if you will fall down and worship me." 10 Jesus said to him, "Away with you, Satan! for it is written, 'Worship the Lord your God, and serve only him.'" 11 Then the adversary left him, and suddenly angels came and waited on him.

Lent has begun. I don’t know about you, but I feel like it came on really fast. It seems like just a few weeks ago, we were celebrating the birth of the Christ child. Time certain passes fast these days. And, now it is time for our annual observation of Christ’s journey toward the cross. Thus, we embark on the journey; we start with the account of Jesus in the wilderness for forty days and nights, where he was faced with three tests/temptations from the adversary (which is a better translation of the Greek word diabolos rather than the contemporary word “devil”).

Temptation- it is something we are faced with on a daily basis.
One more smack of snooze button , just one more cup of coffee, that donut looks really good, if I speed up, I can pass that car & get there faster, checking my email just one more time instead of working on the thing in front of me. These all seem like simple things, but they are temptations nonetheless. Temptation surrounds us as individuals, as a church, as a society. It often looks like it has a really great & promising outcome for us. However, that might not always be the case.

We are completely bombarded with temptations in our society. It is on the billboards lining the streets & highways, on the continuous commercials on TV, in the shows we watch, in the numerous advertisements before movies begin at the theater, all of the ads on every web page we visit. We find it in political campaign stump speeches, their campaign ads on TV, and in their debate answers. It is embedded in our culture’s obsessive need to have all the biggest, best, and newest things. It is almost like we have become completely immune to its influence over us. We have simply adjusted to it, like it is a normal part of life. I know that I often fall prey to a desire for something or to give into a temptation. I am sure I am not the only one. It is so easy when we are not thinking about it.

Jesus was also faced with temptations, as we read in the passage. For him, the temptations were for economic/domestic security, asserting his close association with the powerful, and to secure the glory of political leadership. While Jesus was in the wilderness, the adversary approached and engaged him in three temptations. With the first one, Jesus is confronted with being asked to turn stones into loaves of bread. This comes after Jesus had fasted for forty days, and anyone in that position would be so hungry! The quick and easy choice would be to give in and have something to eat appear in front of you. Instead, Jesus says to the adversary, a familiar line from the book of Deuteronomy “One does not live by bread alone, but by every word that comes from the mouth of God”. God is the one who gives us our daily bread, as we pray in the Lord’s prayer- “give to us our daily bread”. All that we truly need in this life is given to us by God.

But, we often want to secure our futures all on our own. It is even considered the American way of life. Domestic security has been a hot topic in our country over these last eight years. It is all over the nightly news, in our papers, and is certainly being discussed amongst the various candidates for the presidency. Heightened security measures have become a way of life for us in the airports- with longer lines, stricter measures on what is permitted in our carry on baggage, and it seems that new issues are coming up all the time. We want to be safe, no matter what the cost. Now, no matter where you might stand on the issues of the war, terrorism, and immigration- I want to ask this question: Really, what are we doing? Are we simply trying to build walls around ourselves? How far will we go to secure our futures on our own?

This temptation is also about economic security. If Jesus had turned the stones into bread, there would be a great deal of food for the people in the surrounding areas. We want to be economically secure. However, this can quickly turn into greed and desire. I am sure many of you might be familiar with the show Deal or No Deal, which is a game show where people make strategic choices about cases with different amounts of money inside. Each round of choices is prefaced with a call from the “banker” who makes an offer based on the money levels remaining in the game- the player then must choose to make a deal or not with the banker. It simply astounds me how many people don’t make a deal with the banker- knowing they will walk away with more money than they came with, even though so many of their friends & family are encouraging them to take the deal. There is this great temptation to keep pressing on in order to grasp at the slim chance of actually having the case with one million dollars in it be the one standing at the end. What does this say about us? Why do we keep giving in to temptations to get ahead in life?

Jesus did not simply give into the temptation of turning the stones into bread. Of course he was hungry, but he chose to always use his God-given powers in service to others, not in service of himself. He did not take the easy way of securing his own source of nourishment. This is just one example of the way Jesus lived out his ministry here on earth- in service to others with deep gratitude to God. Something for us to think about along this journey…

The second temptation from the adversary is all about testing Jesus’ connection with the powerful, namely God by showing he will not be harmed when he jumps off the top of the temple. Jesus refuses and says, “Do not put the Lord your God to the test!” It is not about testing whether or not God is with us; it is about trusting in that very fact.

We often find ourselves putting God to the test, especially when we are faced with tough situations. We may not be as bold as to throw ourselves off of a building to prove God loves us, but we often do place conditions on God. If God answers my prayers and requests, then I will know that God is on my side. If God can heal my family member of cancer, then I will know God really does love me & hears my prayers. If I get this job or promotion I am praying for, then things will be ok and I will remain faithful in my prayers and to God.

The thing is, God does not always give us exactly what we want! God does indeed hear our prayers, but putting conditions on our love and our prayers is not living faithfully. God has unconditional love for us, why should we put conditions on our love for God? We are loved- each of us. We should not give up on God so fast when things do not work out for us, nor should we put God to the test in order to gain proof of God’s love for us. Jesus lived a life that was full of Spirit and he surrendered his life unconditionally to God, no matter what the outcome.

The temptation is great, especially when we work in areas where proof is essential and something we strongly desire. However, faith cannot be proved nor can God’s love for us. Faithful living means resisting the sometimes overwhelming temptation to find the proof and just trust that grace and love will always be there, no matter what. It is hard, but so is the journey. I believe Joel Osteen wrote a book entitled, “Your Best Life NOW”, which seems a bit misleading. The title should be, although it probably would not sell as many copies, “Your Life is Hard”. The thing is that life is hard; there is no question about it. But, it is in those hard moments, when it is essential to hold on to God’s Word for us- that the path was already blazed by Christ and love will indeed surround us and nourish us for the journey.

The final temptation finds Jesus on top of the mountain looking over the vast land. The adversary tells Jesus he can have it all, only if he bows down and worships the adversary. Jesus would have all of the land under his control, which could make things easier for him in his ministry. Instead, Jesus rebukes the adversary, maintaining his love for God and saying that we worship God alone. He refuses to give into the glory of achieving political leadership by these means.

In our world, there is a push for gaining & maintaining control. Control over things in our lives, a strong desire for control over what is happening in the world around us. There is this pervasive “having it all” attitude, which places enormous constraints on us. How many things do we have to destroy to have it all? How many people must I trample over in order to succeed?

We even see this issue of control in our current political season. The Republican primaries are “this winner takes all” system, while the Democrats have a system of dividing the delegates among the two candidates. What is the candidate giving up in order to win it all? What is this showing us about ourselves?

There is a commercial on television right now that seems to speak directly to this issue of having it all. I’m sure many of you have seen it; I think it might have been on during the Super Bowl. A wife comes into the room and says to her husband, “You’re right, honey. We need to replace the television”. Cue in the music- “I want it all, I want it all, I want it all, and I want it now!” At the end, they purchase this enormous television and while sitting on the couch in front of it, they look at each other with loving eyes. What is the world trying to sell us?

The real question is what are really God’s expectations of us? Jesus remained completely faithful to God through it all, never wavering in his devotion. He was prepared to risk by sticking his ground regardless of the temptations placed in front of him. God knows that we are going to slip every so often, but we are forgiven when we confess our sins. Grace is abundant. But, we cannot keep on giving into the temptations of this world- we must place our faith in God alone.

It is a tough journey, but we know that Christ has already been there, faced enormous challenges and temptations. We are walking this journey together with him and with one another. If Christ were to give into any of these temptations, then he would be taking the easy route. But, he doesn’t. Instead, trusting in God’s plan, Christ takes the long way around. It is tempting to give into the easy route, the quick fix, the source of instant gratification. Serving the world is the easy route. But in the end, does it really get us anywhere?

God does not give us what we want, which would be the easy route. God gives us what we need, often through acts of faith. The homeless women of Laurel needed help. We, through our act of faith, are giving them a warm, safe place to lay their heads & good food to fill their stomachs. The Zahlis family needed comfort. We, again through our act of faith, opened our hearts and doors to this grieving family & community to hold a beautiful service of remembrance. Matthew & Erin needed help & support for Reese. We, in our acts of faith, opened up our checkbooks, gave generously & continue to offer many prayers to God for them, to help a family be with this little, sick boy. The people of Long Beach, Mississippi need volunteers to help rebuild their community. Twenty-five people answered the call and depart at the end of week to offer themselves in service to those in need. We all need support. We, as a church, continually care for one another through our acts of compassion, our prayers, and genuine love for one another.

These acts of faith are not taking the easy route, but following the path that Christ took in the wilderness. Choosing to follow the call of God, not the temptations of the world. It was be so easy to just hear a need and then go back to focusing on ourselves. But, this is not what we choose to do. We choose to take the road less traveled and offer ourselves up to service in God’s kingdom.

As we continue on our Lenten journey over these next weeks leading to the cross, let us remember God is always with us. Christ walked this journey ahead of us, facing all of the temptations of this world. When we are facing temptations of our own, we can know and trust that Christ has been there. We need to continue to trust that God will bring us through it all. We cannot walk this journey alone. God is with us and we are with each other. We are not alone. Standing up to the world like Christ is not easy and that’s the point. This journey of faith is not an easy one, but when we trust in God’s grace & mercy, it is not an impossible one. Thanks be to God. Amen.

Life of Ministry

2008-02-07T10:57:00.001-05:00

I'm tired. I've been working really hard over these last few weeks! Last week, a close friend of my pastor's son died. Dominic was only 10 years old & he died from complications of leukemia. He died within a day & half of diagnosis. Our church opened its doors to the family & grieving community for the funeral. There were over 500 people in our building last Thursday morning for the service. I was particularly touched by the efforts of LPC people to help out with whatever was needed. They really do know what it means to be church. The service was beautiful & meaningful for those who were in attendance- celebrating the life of a great kid, who died way too soon.

Unfortunately, with all of that happening, we seemed to have lost a week! Lent came on too fast this year. The time between Advent and now went way too quickly. Now, we are getting ready for everything that is happening during this season, not to mention the fact I am headed out of town on Monday night for two weeks! I fly to San Diego, CA on Monday to attend APCE for the week. I am so looking forward to warmer weather, palm trees, and time spent with other Presbyterians! On the 16th, I will fly from CA to Gulfport, MS to meet up with 24 others from LPC. We are spending the week in Mississippi working with the ongoing Katrina relief efforts. I really am looking forward to that week! It will be hard work, but well worth the effort.

On top of it all, I am writing a sermon to preach this Sunday morning. It is the first Sunday of Lent and the text is Jesus' 40 days being tempted in the wilderness (Matthew 4:1-11). I guess it is coming along...or it will be when I spend some time working this afternoon. If you are curious or have free time on your hands, you can read my sermons from my year at LPC at our website: www.laurelpresbyterian.org. Look under the Pastor's Message tab at the top of the page, scroll down to Sermon Archives.

Oh, did I mention that LPC is hosting homeless women in our building at night for these two weeks? Yes, there is a program here in Laurel called Winterhaven. Local churches volunteer during the winter months to host either women or men in our buildings- provide dinner, a warm place to sleep, breakfast and a packed lunch for the next day. It is a wonderful mission of this community. We are averaging 3-4 women each night. Another local church is hosting the men and they are having 25-30 men each night. I will be spending the night at the church tonight with another member. I figure it is the least I can do to help out.

Needless to say, there is a lot happening right now. Not to mention all of the normal stuff- writing liturgy, selecting hymns, attending tons of evening meetings, and producing the weekly enewsletter.

I am tired. Ministry is a full time job and not a 9 to 5. It is full of moments of joy and moments of heartbreak. There is a certain level of uncertainity- you never know what will happen next. I love it, even though I am tired. I love it, despite of the occasional 11 hour work days. I love the people. I love sharing God's good news. I feel blessed to have this opportunity.

Now, if I could just get a little nap....

Shed a Little Light

2008-01-24T12:43:00.002-05:00

I've recently been listening to a great song "Shed A Little Light" by James Taylor. I think it is rather appropriate for the times we are in, both in the world and in the Presbyterian Church (USA). We are all bound together- all men and women- living on the earth. Yet, all we see are our differences and life in fear of the other. We should be open to all people, especially in the church. I feel the church is the place where all should be welcomed into the community. It distresses me greatly when we shut people out because of race, color, sexual orientation, socio-economic situations, etc. I pray for the day to come when the doors of churches will be wide open and all feel welcome to enter inside.

100 things that bring me delight

2008-01-12T15:11:00.001-05:00

a really good cup of tea
walking through a bookstore
funky indie coffeehouses
cats curling up on blankets
Chinese take out
phone calls from dear friends
subways
God moments
walking down the street in big cities
reading a book on my couch under blankets
random road trips
a good glass of wine
the feeling after finishing a sermon
IKEA
filling up a bookshelf
james joyce with friends
fellini’s pizza with banana peppers
text messaging
finding new places
free wi-fi
looking at houses
New York City
old friends
reading the Washington Post
wandering around art museums
taking photographs
eating Indian curry chicken the night before tgiving with the fam
baby Micah
dark chocolate
down pillows & comforters
red walls
wearing pearls
Gilmore Girls marathons
hearing my fav songs on the radio
dreaming of buying a hybrid car
planning my future
using crazy fonts
laughing with friends
Sex & the City nights at Whit’s
a good margarita
yelling at the tv when republicans are debating
discussing politics
my big red mug
the sound of the ocean
finding out a pub serves blue moon on tap
spending time with friends
traveling on an airplane
people watching
long sleeve shirts from Gap
my favorite pair of blue jeans
crocs!
dinner invites
getting home after a long day
joy in learning something new
window shopping in fancy stores
Vera Bradley
watching my West Wings dvds
the ways love comes into life
daydreaming
Real Simple magazine
light reflecting on wooden floors
kind people
smiles on children’s faces
getting a good parking space
wandering aisles of Target
riding on carousels
feeling of accomplishment
squirrels chasing each other
generosity
meeting new people
enthusiasm about peacemaking
being independent
challenging people in sermons
knowing I don’t need a man to be complete
visiting dc
having a permanent card to ride the subways
listening to good music
watching steam rise from a cup
staying warm inside on a cold day
sunny days
bed & breakfasts
looking at photographs
facebook
my internship church
sleeping in on Saturday mornings
a change of pace
studying greek
wearing a robe & stole
my tiffany silver ring
having my hair shampooed at the salon
eating delicious food
bagel places
marc’s crazy animal shirts
time away from school
watching water shoot out of fountains
handwritten letters & cards
surfing wikapedia for info
post secret
modern art
tea presses

It's been one of those weeks

2008-01-12T13:21:00.000-05:00

I'm sitting in this amazing, little indie coffeehouse near the University of Maryland. I needed a change of pace, a change of scenery. It's been one of those weeks. Amy's been out of town this week on continuing ed, which left me to make decisions & praying no crises would erupt. Thankfully, there was nothing I couldn't handle, but it still left me a little stressed. B's been super busy of late, so we've not been able to see much of each other. Two mornings this week, I took my friend Nikki's four year old son, Jack to preschool. I realized I was indeed old enough to have a four year old post-college. I am certainly not ready to be a preschool/soccer mom. Then, last night, in the middle of my "I need a break-Chinese food- Gilmore Girls marathon", my phone rang. It was my dad & he tells me that he is in the hospital! My dad & I both have a heart condition that causes our heartbeats to be irregular & at times can cause symptoms like a heart attack. He had an episode & has landed himself in the hospital for the weekend. He's had lots of tests & they got him stable. While I know he will be just fine, it is still a little unnerving. It reminds me of what I have to look forward to in my future- the condition worsens with age. I talked with him this morning & he sounds good. I know being in the hospital is not fun, but it is a little reassuring knowing there are people monitoring him throughout the day & night. My mom is staying with him during the day & he's had plenty of visitors.

Man. Life can be nuts sometimes. And, my schedule for this next week is a little on the full side! Tomorrow is the annual meeting & potluck lunch at church, I am going to a church member's art show in the evening, I am out four nights this week (meetings & choir), writing a sermon & liturgy for the bulletin this week, prepping another Sunday school lesson, preschool mom-ing two mornings, plus an appt on Thursday afternoon, not to mention needing to pay a visit or two to some church members. So, today I am enjoying some time away, drinking tea in this little coffeehouse. Which, is literally a house painted in funky colors and filled with eccentric people. A great place to immerse myself & refocus for what is ahead.

2007 in Review

2008-01-07T12:13:00.000-05:00

I got this from my friend Marc. It was a great way to think about all that has happened over this last year. Here's to 2008! May it be a fantastic year:)

1. Was this a good year for you? Overall, yes.

2. What did you do this year that you'd never done before? Lived in an apartment by myself. Moved myself to Maryland. Traveled to Mexico, was a chaplain in a hospital.

3. Did you keep your New Years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year? I don’t do resolutions.

4. What was your favorite moment of the year? So many to choose from…

5. What was your least favorite moment of the year? Spending time as a patient in the ER.

6. What would you like to have next year that you lacked this year? Better health!

7. What date from this year will remain etched upon your memory, and why? Two dates. First is July 3rd- the date of my surgery. Second is December 4th- my candidacy date.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Becoming a candidate for ordination!

9. What was your biggest failure? Not becoming a candidate back in February.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? This summer, my gallbladder acted up and I had surgery. Also, some migraine headaches/vertigo in the spring that kept me in the bed.

11. Whose behavior merited celebration? My baby cousin, Micah who learned how to walk!

12. Did you breakup with anyone this year? nope

13. Did you make any new friends this year? Oh, yes! All of my wonderful friends at LPC.

14. Did you travel outside of the U.S. this year? I spent my Jan term in Merida, Yucatan, Mexico.

15. How many different states did you travel to this year? Let’s see…Ohio, Maryland, Virginia, Kentucky, North Carolina, Pennsylvania, New York

16. Did you lose anybody close to you this year? Not this year.

17. Did you miss anybody in the past year? My friends at CTS.

18. What was your favorite movie you saw this year? Shrek the Third

19. What was your favorite song? Dixie Chicks- Taking the Long Way Around

20. What was your favorite album? Josh Groban- Noel

21. Favorite TV show? Brothers & Sisters

22. What was the best book you read? Hands down…Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert.

23. How many concerts did you see this year? David LaMotte

24. What was the funniest moment of this year? Marc’s time travel experiment, so many moments at seminary…

25. What did you want and get? My internship at Laurel Presbyterian Church

26. What's one thing you wish had happened this year? I’m happy with the way things turned out, even when it was hard.

27. Did you do anything you are ashamed of this year? Not that I can think of.

28. How much money did you spend this year? Too much!

29. Where did most of your money go? Food, clothes, stuff for my apartment.

30. What was the best thing you bought? Five seasons of Gilmore Girls. Since I don’t have cable, I need something to watch!

31. What was your most embarrassing moment of the year? not sure…

32. If you could go back in time to any moment of this year, what would it be? Sitting in Whitney’s room- drinking wine, eating chocolate, laughing with friends while watching Sex & the City.3

3. What did you get really, really, really excited about? Thinking about my trip to California for this February!

34. What song will always remind you of this year? Taking Chances

35. Compared to this time last year, are you...
-happier or sadder? Much happier
-thinner or fatter? About the same
-richer or poorer? Well, actually richer in the grand scheme of things.

36. What do you wish you'd done more of? Spent time with friends before moving.

37. What do you wish you'd done less of? Stressing about Theology!

38. How will you be spending Christmas? My family traveled here to Maryland to spend Christmas at my place. We had an amazing dinner at my friend Nikki’s home- a huge Italian feast. New York City for the day.

39. Did you fall in love this year? Mmm….

40. How many one-night stands? None!

41. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I turned 27 this year. I celebrated my birthday with Brandon having dinner in Alexandria, Virginia.

42. What one thing that would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? Having my CTS friends here with me in Maryland.

43. How would you describe your personal fashion concept this year?.I’m a very classic dresser. I love my pearls! They go with EVERYTHING. Also, lots of professional clothes for work, but still living in my jeans & crocs.
44. What kept you sane? Red wine, Sex & the City nights at Whitney’s, Amy, Brandon, my Wendy’s crowd.

45. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Barack Obama

46. Who was the best new person you met? Kathy Boyer

47. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned this year: I am called to ministry. No doubts about that anymore.

48. What are your plans for the next year? Spend five more months as LPC’s intern, travel to California, go to Mississippi with LPC to help with Katrina rebuilding, Montreat for the summer, pass the last two ordination exams, go back to CTS for my final year. Remain happy.

49. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:

"But what do you say to taking chances,

what do you say to jumping off the edge?

Never knowing if there's solid ground below

Or hand to hold, or hell to pay.

What do you say?
What do you say?"

Advent reflections

2007-12-19T11:17:00.000-05:00

It is one week before Christmas! Time sure has flown by. This Advent season has been interesting. I directed my first Christmas pageant entitled "Shrek Seeks a Savior", with over 35 kids involved. I sang with the choir, who presented Vivaldi's Gloria. I will have given two children's sermons (counting this coming Sunday). I ate lots of food at a holiday brunch given by church members. And, I joined the older women's circle for their annual Christmas luncheon (again, with really good food). It's been really busy around here. Not to mention that I spent several hours at a Washington, DC hospital with a church member who had surgery & the numberous meetings this month. Oh, and I traveled to Tennessee to officially become a candidate for minister of Word & Sacrament. It went very well & I am so happy to have gotten through another hoop along this journey towards ordination!

Through it all, it's been a good Advent season. I am looking forward to my parents' arrival on Sunday evening. They are blessing me with their presence for Christmas & through the week. I am excited to show them my town, my church, & to travel around the area. I am so grateful for their willingness to come here for Christmas!

Even though I am focused on Christmas, I do look ahead to the sermon I must write for December 30th. I will be preaching at First Presbyterian in Greeneville, TN (my home church). If anyone has ideas about how to preach on the slaughter of the innocents, let me know!

May this Christmas bring you much joy & happiness!

A Very Happy Birthday

2007-11-28T17:07:00.000-05:00

Today I turned 27. This is my first birthday being away from my friends, which is hard. But, so many of them have sent messages to wish me a happy birthday. Each message made me smile, knowing they all love me, even though I am far away. I had a wonderful surprise from B this morning. He was coming home from NC and I knew we weren't going to see each other today due to meetings! I went to work & soon after I got a text message to go out to my car. He left a card, a bag of dark chocolate kisses, and this very adorable stuffed puppy on my car. What a sweet guy! I am a lucky girl. So, to celebrate today, I put up my new Christmas tree and decorated my mantel. It was such a great way to move into the holiday season. Now, I can enjoy my tree for over a month. It makes my living room feel very homey and comfortable. Now I am off to cook myself a delicious birthday dinner & enjoy some West Wing:)

Update on my life

2007-11-19T11:20:00.000-05:00

So much has happened over the last few weeks! I've been traveling quite a bit- to Washington DC several times, Philadelphia, Richmond, Delaware, Eastern Shore of Maryland, New York City. I also went home to meet with my CPM and it went very well. After a painless 45 minute conversation, several pointed questions, and a 5 minute deliberation, the committee unanimously approved me to become candidate! This was a very important meeting and probably one of the harder hoops to jump through in my Presbytery. Now, I will return to Tennessee during the first week of December to go in front of the entire Presbytery. I do not anticipate any problems

One of the most exciting developments of late is that I am dating someone fantastic! We've been friends for over two years, both from CTS, and happen to be living here in Maryland. He's a great person who always makes me smile and laugh. I've never been happier! It's amazing, because I never thought it would happen for me. I thought I would always be single. Yeah...

Church is great. I still really love my job and feel so comfortable here at LPC. I must admit it is a great feeling knowing that I wake up and go to a real job, instead of class. We are moving through our Stewardship campaign and I can't wait until it is over! It's been a lot of work and stress for lots of us. But, I think the church will be better off for it.

I leave on Wednesday for Ohio to spend Thanksgiving with my family. I can't wait to see Micah, who is now 1 and he is walking!

Thanks be to God for life and family!